Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Life Update..

So, let me catch up the reader about the last few tumultuous months of my life.After my last post in June i did actually move out and became a single woman. I moved into a 2 room finished basement area with a bathroom in a friends house. Rent included everything as well as internet so it was a pretty good deal, and 15 minutes closer to work.I did have to adjust to sharing the laundry, doing dishes in my shower and going upstairs /outside to smoke.But i did. All was well until about 2 weeks into it and then the wife decided she was leaving the husband( my friend from high school). It became a nightmare..All i ever heard about was thier problems ,when i had my own fresh little shit world of emotions to deal with. I could barely sneak in and out of the house without being cornered.This stayed the same for the first 3 months.Also there was an issue of a certain bark happy pug who kept me awake for hours on end when i needed to sleep in the morning.The last month or so , my roomie and i barely spoke at all.

Anyway,my ex and i argued constantly. Our problems would ebb and then suddenly blow up. Additionally, very good freind of mine moved into the area..about 1/4 mile away to be exact. We began as freinds, then turned into lovers. By the end of september or so i had ceased going back to my ex and was basically just spending time with this new one. We had agreed on many occasions to be in a non-commited, uncomplicated , no "bullshit"relationship of sorts .And all was going well until the dude, without warning, did a 360 on me within a week and a half's time at the end of November, becoming possessive, jealous, and constantly brooding.After a few arguments we agreed to start over and just being friends for awhile . We also discussed that i still had feelings for my ex. He appeared to understand and even expressed the desire to continue to be involved should i decide to again sleep with my ex.It did not go over well, however,when i  did actually sleep with my ex. The dude BLEW UP and became an insane night mare for the next week- i was so totally taken aback and shocked that i had never seen this side of him and never suspected its existance.

On top of this night mare , i was told by the roommate that we all had 2 -4 weeks to vacate because his estranged wife wasn't paying her half of stuff and he couldn't afford to keep the place..So i had to hustle and stress and get into debt to find a place, basically all by myself, and move in 2 weeks.It totally wiped out all of the hard earned financial work i had just done to recover since June after that fiasco of moving .It cost me over $3800 this time including the movers -who took 12 hours.I had only one person  actually helping personally with anything and that was my ex, because , at the worst and most stressful time in my life as of recent years, the new  guy ,who had promised me eternal  support and love in spite of anything that might happen(us being "best freinds" and all), did a nose dive into being the biggest jerk out of anyone i have ever dated.Not only did he not lift a finger to help, he insisted on harrassing me by text every other day and making me miserable and heart broken. i wont go further into the details of his mania.But I learned a huge lesson.

At this point i have just moved into my new home . Its in the city and very spacious. I have a roach infestation that is being taken care of , and a few fixture issues, but over all a wonderful place. The neighbors are lovely and very quiet. I'm all unpacked and decorated and am trying to settle into a routine. My ex is continuing to help me out and i am ever grateful.

HOWEVER>>

My biggest fear now is that he will ignore my constant reminders that i am NOT committing to him or any relationship for a very long time. I have insisted he understand this over and over and even offered to tattoo it to my forehead. But alas, i know men..they never believe you and start thinking they own you and your time.So i'm just waiting for the inevitable..and the ensuing storm. I pray every time that it doesn't happen but they always get too attached ,and then the control issues and jealousy rear their ugly heads. I swear, i don't know WTF to do about this.I have been standing firm on it ,but its extremely stressful and seems to always hurt anyone involved...no matter what they say in the beginning.

So anyway..i'm going be focusing on my budget , my art and my friends and family for a while.Trying to find myself again , make some goals and changes in my life. I am finally alone, and its about time. Namaste.