Tuesday, June 21, 2016

And You're so Vain...

Dear Sir,

I hope when i am finally gone you miss me like hell...all the little things about me , every touch, every moment of laughter.I hope you sit in sadness and depression for hours, staring at walls unable to move like i do almost every day.I hope that when u cook a meal, watch a movie, drive past some special spot, smell a familiar smell , see a picture,or even get groceries- it reminds you- and u get that knot in the pit of your stomache.

I hope when u wake up several times during the night my face comes to your mind and when u reach over i'm not there. And then you remember what it felt like to hold me , and be touched lovingly by me.I hope when you wake up your heart immediately jumps into your throat and stays there all day long as you try to go through the motions somehow.

I hope you hear my voice everywhere, remember words we spoke, and plans we made.I pray you thank god every chance you get for even the brief time we shared together, and ask him to please please fix things.

I hope that while i'm still there you cant stand to hear me talk and you cant stand me being silent, and that you don't even know what to say because you are afraid your eyes will fill with tears and nothing will come out- but that you somehow you manage to say a few neutral words- hoping to sound normal.

I hope that every time we have sex and everytime we dont, you question yourself about why the things happened the way they did, and you try to find a reason for all the  time you gave yourself to me, and trusted me with your heart.And wonder why we never committed to a real future together.

But most of all i hope that you miss me, the way i missed you almost every minute, even before you were gone - impatient to see you again and be held, to hug and kiss you, and talk..yes, just talk...and believe that life was somehow ok because i had you in mine, and that you loved me.

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