Thursday, February 4, 2016

Exasperation

So tired of the constant disagreements. Three weeks in a row now, the night or day before my day off he starts crap. First it was over me having a small amount of wine at home during a blizzard when we would be snowed in for 3 days. The next week i suggested we go out to a friends we were invited to that he always suggested we go to ( previous post) but he did'nt want to play guitar with someone who would be there( the host).So this week i suggest we do something he's been pushing to do- go to an open mic to play with his friends- which is at a bar(yay). I wanted one of my friends to go along( someone he suggested i invite) so i wouldn't be sitting there alone doing nothing. Well, as he knows , she has no car and would need  a ride. Well, that was the next issue..he did'nt wanna be a "taxi service" for my friends.

So, again i cancelled any plans to actually go anywhere or have any fun on my night off..Again i will sit and stare at the walls. I told him to still go . I'd rather sit home alone than with  him. And i cancelled with my friend again who will probably stop talking to me after this.( I've said no to her about a dozen times this year because of him).I haven't been out since October at this point( and of course there were hassles)..before that it was about 5 months- and again- not fun- just more issues and hassles, its always something)

I have almost no friends already. I have been put on a leash for 2 years now and its getting shorter and shorter..in fact now i even have a muzzle and a choke collar and can only go about 2 feet from the tree without causing a hassle.I have become completely isolated.

The few friends i have left( at least i think i still have them) are so tired of me canceling and complaining  i won't have any before long. And i will in fact become a long lost legend , a myth, invisible..and hopeless.

At this point, i'm just done trying to fight for the things i should have as an independent adult. I stopped talking to him tonight.My plan is just to continue saving my money , and paying off some bills so that someday i can get my own place and finally be able to do what i want without answering to someone else..I'm sick of relationships.I want to finally make my own choices.





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