Saturday, January 9, 2016

What a girl wants, What a girls needs

Before i get into my own version i'd like to include THIS link , which(although written from a man's perspective) is very good and to the point on a few things most guys never consider.

Now here's my assertion:

A lot of women will state specific things they want in a man: a sense of humor, good hygiene, stability and security,honesty and appreciation. And all that is fine and good.Most men will attempt to comprise a list which usually includes: being good in bed, good looks, having a job, treating her with respect, listening to her, etc. Again..these are all fine and good in and of themselves. But i'd like to present it in a different light.

Think of a tree.

A tree is not grown from the branches down. It starts with a seed.It grows in a steady and sure manner , eventually becoming a small sapling. Later it becomes a trunk and the branches become thicker, more durable, stronger..and eventually even grow the beautiful foliage of its species.

No one desires  tree with soft rotting spots, or barren branches, or one that contains an infestation.No one usually desires a fake tree over a real one( there are exceptions of course). And no one wants an invasive species that takes away from something they love and cherish- whether its a view, a garden, a healthy home, or a place/time to relax.

On the other hand, no one usually wants a tree thats too much maintenance either.(I can assume at this point you see where i'm going with this.) Growing anything takes time, perseverance and a passion to what you're doing.It takes commitment, enduring the pain, the disappointment, seeing things from a timeline standpoint rather than immediate satisfaction.But it also encompasses feelings of joy and and self validation.

So how do you become that tree? It starts with knowing your own self worth and then understanding someone else's.In the beginning a seed seems to have very little value.Think about that.Think then about the value of a strong, mature, and faithful tree.

Many relationships i have had, and many that i see fail ultimately because most want immediate satisfaction, ongoing and continuous elations, and constant rewards.This thinking leads to easy disappointments and a search for something new and different that "might" be the answer.We want no struggles, no down time, no boredom, no insecurities, and no deep thinking.It should just "happen"..if its "meant to be", right? WRONG!

Does a tree grow without any of these things that we perceive as negative out comes and unwanted energy? No. Trees fail to grow with a lack of care. And care is a very complex thing.

So, what does a girl want? She wants a man complex enough to understand her own complexities. She wants loyalty. She wants to know she will be the most important thing in your world,in spite of the difficulties.And the only way to be that for her starts with knowing and loving yourself.

It's not enough to feel like you "love " her...or to provide for her, or be there for her..or any of those lesser qualities. They don't stand the test of time and have a lot less value.Loving yourself isn't easy, some don't even realize their difficulties stem from a lack of deep self love.

Oddly enough..a tree grows from a seed into a majestic and powerful thing , but only through years and years many ups and downs.

And i haven't even begun to talk about the roots.

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