Thursday, December 10, 2015

Still Going Strong

34 days are the positives:
1. i no longer have to deal with the 2 day hangover after a night of drinking- and lose those two days dealing with feeling horrible.
2.not spending $ on wine
3. my skin is clearing up slowly
4. i have lost weight- 7.5 lbs
5. BP is down 98/60
6.i no longer wake up with various cuts and bruises from the night before.
7. i remember what i did the night before
8.i've started new projects- tanning buck hides, learning cherokee and doing lots of needle work.
9.I don't have to apologize for my behavior from the night before arguments

The struggles:
1. Boredom and feeling like have nothing to do
2. agitation and not feeling relaxed or having that to look forward to
3. not wanting to see friends or go out because i feel awkward around them- most drink or smoke pot
4. not being able to find something to ease my anxiety and pain
5.resentment at Scott because he can relax with pot and i cant
6.feeling like i am boring
7. worrying Scott will lose interest in me because i am boring and docile now
8.smoking too much
9.wondering how much to reveal to people about being sober( publicly)
10.still having some symptoms like disconnected thoughts, insomnia,numbness , depression and anxiety( but they are much less intense now)

Over all , i haven't been really tempted to drink. I struggle daily but only because of the above things. I don't crave alcohol, i just crave relaxation. I still would like to see improvements in some of the expectations.I think more clearly most of the time now but my brain is like a monkey brain.I get a lot more done but its still frustrating.Mainly the pain, insomnia and boredom.

I guess like anything, this is a process and i need to be patient and accept that.

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