Monday, December 28, 2015

Changes Have Happened

A few weeks ago i posted a list of hopes and expectations as i began my journey into sobriety.Since then i have seen some of those things come true or at leafs partially develop.My skin is looking better..here are 2 before and after pics:
This was from 9/30/2015..at the almost height of my drinking...i look like i was poisoned
.
Here is one from 12/12/2015

As you can see..the lines have faded and my skin has perked up..less blemishes and sagging..Unfortnately i still am dealing with dark circles mainly due to lots of insomnia..heres one form this afternoon when i awoke , once again after only 5 hours of sleep
i have been reading and researching, they say lack of sleep makes you paler and therefore the circles are more apparent. You can see from all 3 pics that i am paler in general, i have stopped tanning.i am working on this issue with tea bags, elevating my head while sleeping and switching moisturizer to coconut oil.Also contributing could be my severe allergy issues..i have not taken a Claritin in over 2 weeks, and have been using only saline.

I have also been detoxing from caffeine..i am down to one cup of half caff a day then switching to herbal tea and Caffix, etc. 

Additionally i am more focused and in control. I don't have any urges or desires to drink and mostly thinking about it makes me nauseous.I don't want to say i'll never ever drink a glass of wine agin though and may think about it for my birthday in February.
Over all my meds and supplements have changed- i take metoprolol and diuril for my heart issues now and have had no palpitations. I did not need or want anxiety meds. I am taking a b-50 capsule daily along with glucosamine chondroitin. I make my own Kefir now and sweeten with honey, and add bee pollen.I take a tabs. of apple cider vinegar with the mother several times a week( cant hurt, and seems to give me energy). 

As fare as my health i have started using willow bark and arnica to deal with pain along with a daily maintenance of using the inversion table and TENS unit...i have been mostly pain free, exceptions are usually only when i skip a day.I still drink plenty of water as well.So over all its been a journey into better all around health.I did lose weight(7.5 lbs. but probably have gained some back..i take less OTC meds and my digestion is way better as well.. 
 i have considerably less anxiety and pain.....Now just trying to conquer the sleep issue...Namaste.




Sunday, December 27, 2015

After Christmas thoughts...

Well, Christmas wasn't s bad after all, and we even have started having better sex..i am so relieved.I didn't wanna picture my life as a boring old married couple stuck in a rut.I'd rather be single than that.
We went to his moms for dinner and it was very difficult for me..I expected to be there 2-21/2 hrs..we were there 41/2..i was in so much pain and my sinuses were bad..plus tired.i like his mom...but i really really wanted to leave.

Right now I'm at work dealing with a toddler who , since about september , has decided to awaken at an average of 3am( 230am tonight) ..most likely because the family lets him sleep all evening..im so frustrated with it...so tonight, instead of just letting him in the  crib, i got him up at 230a and let him play ....my hope is that he will be so tired he will sleep all day and be wide awake for the parents..as it should be..and eventually sleep at night..i'm even considering getting him up early every single time he starts to stir on my shift until he gets back to his normal.( which was awake between 6 and 7am.)

 ...got my period on christmas as well...joy...heres hoping to a  better brighter new year with less insomnia and PAIN:)

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Still Going Strong

34 days today..here are the positives:
1. i no longer have to deal with the 2 day hangover after a night of drinking- and lose those two days dealing with feeling horrible.
2.not spending $ on wine
3. my skin is clearing up slowly
4. i have lost weight- 7.5 lbs
5. BP is down 98/60
6.i no longer wake up with various cuts and bruises from the night before.
7. i remember what i did the night before
8.i've started new projects- tanning buck hides, learning cherokee and doing lots of needle work.
9.I don't have to apologize for my behavior from the night before
10.no arguments

The struggles:
1. Boredom and feeling like have nothing to do
2. agitation and not feeling relaxed or having that to look forward to
3. not wanting to see friends or go out because i feel awkward around them- most drink or smoke pot
4. not being able to find something to ease my anxiety and pain
5.resentment at Scott because he can relax with pot and i cant
6.feeling like i am boring
7. worrying Scott will lose interest in me because i am boring and docile now
8.smoking too much
9.wondering how much to reveal to people about being sober( publicly)
10.still having some symptoms like disconnected thoughts, insomnia,numbness , depression and anxiety( but they are much less intense now)

Over all , i haven't been really tempted to drink. I struggle daily but only because of the above things. I don't crave alcohol, i just crave relaxation. I still would like to see improvements in some of the expectations.I think more clearly most of the time now but my brain is like a monkey brain.I get a lot more done but its still frustrating.Mainly the pain, insomnia and boredom.

I guess like anything, this is a process and i need to be patient and accept that.