Friday, November 13, 2015

Struggling to Keep from Drowning

The last two days my ex has gotten desperate since i haven't responded to him in months..First he posted a threat to Scott..well , really he just "called him out" on Fb saying he was a piece of shit and still does acid. Then he proceeded to post a pic of a neck bruise i had sent him a few months ago and insinuated publicly that Scott had done that to me..he did not..It's complicated.

I sent 2 pics to craig on the night i flipped out on Scott over the second time i caught him watching porn and hiding  it..i got terribly drunk and was destroying laptops and other things..i was throwing chairs. Scott did push me down , but that was all and it was warranted because i was trying to hit him.I slipped and fell on the dining table.Anyway because i was out of control and angry- i sent pics of my injuries to Craig to piss Scott off. I did tell him(Craig) though that even though scott pushed me, the injuries were my fault. Now he is using those pics against me and scott.

Following all of this i contacted my brother and between him and scott i committed to not responding to Craig at all.It has made him escalate..he posted what i just wrote, then deleted it..Then later sent me a nasty text saying he wasn't done..basically because he somehow accessed a secret page i have where i vented my emotions to a small group of women i know..its my personal place to go when i cant vent anywhere else..its private and closed to the public..but somehow he found out..i deleted a few people on it, but still have no idea if theres a leak(troll) or he just somehow has been able to access my fb somehow.

It's hell living this way..knowing i can't even report him because she has some things over my head that could destroy me..for instance -losing my nursing license.Sex pics, past info, etc.So i sit here scared and panicked and frustrated.

what's worse is my brother questioning me about my part in the matter, as if i provoked this or deserved this.I explained the whole thing to him..i'm glad he is level headed and seems to ask questions but to constantly question my motives and action makes me upset and  i feel misunderstood.

Yes, i am guilty of continuing to trust Craig and go to him in times of desperation way too long after we split.I acknowledged that. But Craig and i discussed back in Oct. of 2014 that i would not be coming back to him or ever be in a relationship with him again..we would remain just friends and that is all..He took advantage of my trust and friendship, sending those pics to my BF and brother one night..that was august. At that point i told him i was done communicating and cut him off completely.This is what has come of it.

Lat week ( as i just posted) i committed to quit drinking. I am doing fine with that. I don't even miss it.It's going to be a long road as it is.I don't need these emotional upheavals and questions right now.

No comments: