Wednesday, August 26, 2015

True story- Rats do live in the Ghetto

a few weeks ago, my partner and i decided to go out to eat at a not-so- dainty little place in the heart of the ghetto which serves very good food for the price you would pay for  shrimp fried rice in New Yorks Chinatown. Yup, i can get a great prime rib with all the trimmings(salad, mashed potatoes, etc) for about 7.99..and have leftovers. But as one might suspect , the atmosphere isn't what one would call desirable.

On the walls are decorations covered with the tarry coatings of one of the only establishments left that still allows smoking.They range from pre 70's plastic wall candle holders to randomly mixed plates-on -rack -of-some-sort, yellowed wallpaper, sub par chairs and tables.Other features include ashtrays, paper menus, and the smallest waiting area I've ever seen(stand up room only).We won't get into the bathrooms..although i do maintain that they ARE in fact, actually clean, and stocked.

This establishment only accepts cash- no checks, no credit or atm cards..The staff(or lack of it) is truly interesting.Some are friendly(barely) and others are downright indifferent or rude.

Did i say the prices are awesome? haha

So we enter and see no sign telling us to sit or wait, we don't see an open table so we , like clown fish, wander in and out , in and out..around tables then retreating to the waiting area ..no one comes to greet us and we have to find a waitress .When we do she says(without looking up) "I have nothing..you have to go back by the door and wait".ugh.

We wait several minutes, then seeing a few open tables start back the path at which point a different waitress cheerily says" you can sit wherever you like! i'll be right with you":)Hmmm.

We sit.We notice that as usual, its pretty darn busy..especially for a thursday evening. All around us are a variety of God's golden( and not so golden) creatures.Its like being a sardine in sardine hell.

At a certain point two very, very heavy women seat themselves at a table next to us.One is black, one is hispanic. Both look as if they just got in from the backstage area of Jerry Springer. Fake nails long enough to scratch the nether regions of T-rex, large style cell phone completely decked out in Ghetto rhinestones, somewhere around 3 sets of earrings per ear( large gold hoops), and purses they probably got at an online clearance auction of Paris Hiltons pre 1999 collection.

The weirdest and worst part , however , was the clothing. Now, mind you, these chics were heavy enough to tip the Titanic. So what does one chose to wear out to dinner at such glorious heights of obesity? Nothing less than halter tops and little vests to go over them, accentuated by matching stretch leggings and , of course, the latest style of sneakers. Wow.  Grossly enough..in between said top and bottom ensemble..the fleshly heaven of cellulite floated and rolled and jiggled and sagged for the delight of all dinners in the immediate area.

Ok..already i am having nausea, but not sure if its from the hunger( we have been waiting 20 minutes just to have our order taken) or the scenic view before me. Finally ,i spy one of the waitresses coming our way but at that last moment she is diverted, yes, diverted..by none other than the baby mamma divas..
One actually ( in between texting and talking loudly on her cell for the past 5 minutes) reached out and grabbed the waitresses arm, and says (loudly)"hey we have been waiting for over 5 minutes for our order to be taken...we only want some sammiches"..ERMAGERD....and the waitress takes their order then finally comes to take ours...
another 15 minutes later..some of their food arrives..several bacon cheeseburgers(loaded) a piece some fries, and  large sodas. ok , fine ..we only ordered dinner ..open faced beef sandwich and a broasted honey chicken platter..We didn't even get the salad bar.I am getting a tad pissed.

a few other tables that arrived only shortly before or after us are served as well..Finally we get our drinks, and some rolls.Next, the divas had apparently ALSO ordered stuff to go- some fried chicken and dessert, which they also got( in paper bags which they had to check through before leaving) . They stood up to leave the one started to complain about how long it took to get service here, blah blah blah.  Our food finally arrived ( cold) as the two left the establishment bumping every table and probably human elbow on their way out , chatting still on their cell phones and with each other about "what they gone make their man do when he get home".

What a freaking waste of life.Unfortunately they were speaking loud enough that i heard little tidbits about their kids( lord help them), their welfare checks being late, and where they got their last hair extensions done.

At this point , i am done.I work all week just to eat , pay rent and car payments. This is a treat - eating out..even if its only a cheap restaurant. All i want to do is simultaneously shoot bamboo rods throughout their spinal cords while ripping each fake nail off and shoving them elsewhere. But i am so astounded that life would allow these such creatures to reproduce..all i can do is giggle.

We take our leftovers out in stryofoam trays to the car and i say to Scott-"Did you see those girls who sat behind us?"
"No"
"Well, you should start praying because God just spared your eyes".
On my way home, i pray myself-thanking God he didn't give me a mother like that.

Namaste.


3 comments:

Pete Mikkelson said...

Sounds like dinner at Jackie Bs. Lmao

Pete Mikkelson said...

Sounds like dinner at Jackie Bs. Lmao

nirvana diva said...

you got it! lmao...