Wednesday, August 26, 2015

True story- Rats do live in the Ghetto

a few weeks ago, my partner and i decided to go out to eat at a not-so- dainty little place in the heart of the ghetto which serves very good food for the price you would pay for  shrimp fried rice in New Yorks Chinatown. Yup, i can get a great prime rib with all the trimmings(salad, mashed potatoes, etc) for about 7.99..and have leftovers. But as one might suspect , the atmosphere isn't what one would call desirable.

On the walls are decorations covered with the tarry coatings of one of the only establishments left that still allows smoking.They range from pre 70's plastic wall candle holders to randomly mixed plates-on -rack -of-some-sort, yellowed wallpaper, sub par chairs and tables.Other features include ashtrays, paper menus, and the smallest waiting area I've ever seen(stand up room only).We won't get into the bathrooms..although i do maintain that they ARE in fact, actually clean, and stocked.

This establishment only accepts cash- no checks, no credit or atm cards..The staff(or lack of it) is truly interesting.Some are friendly(barely) and others are downright indifferent or rude.

Did i say the prices are awesome? haha

So we enter and see no sign telling us to sit or wait, we don't see an open table so we , like clown fish, wander in and out , in and out..around tables then retreating to the waiting area one comes to greet us and we have to find a waitress .When we do she says(without looking up) "I have have to go back by the door and wait".ugh.

We wait several minutes, then seeing a few open tables start back the path at which point a different waitress cheerily says" you can sit wherever you like! i'll be right with you":)Hmmm.

We sit.We notice that as usual, its pretty darn busy..especially for a thursday evening. All around us are a variety of God's golden( and not so golden) creatures.Its like being a sardine in sardine hell.

At a certain point two very, very heavy women seat themselves at a table next to us.One is black, one is hispanic. Both look as if they just got in from the backstage area of Jerry Springer. Fake nails long enough to scratch the nether regions of T-rex, large style cell phone completely decked out in Ghetto rhinestones, somewhere around 3 sets of earrings per ear( large gold hoops), and purses they probably got at an online clearance auction of Paris Hiltons pre 1999 collection.

The weirdest and worst part , however , was the clothing. Now, mind you, these chics were heavy enough to tip the Titanic. So what does one chose to wear out to dinner at such glorious heights of obesity? Nothing less than halter tops and little vests to go over them, accentuated by matching stretch leggings and , of course, the latest style of sneakers. Wow.  Grossly between said top and bottom ensemble..the fleshly heaven of cellulite floated and rolled and jiggled and sagged for the delight of all dinners in the immediate area.

Ok..already i am having nausea, but not sure if its from the hunger( we have been waiting 20 minutes just to have our order taken) or the scenic view before me. Finally ,i spy one of the waitresses coming our way but at that last moment she is diverted, yes, none other than the baby mamma divas..
One actually ( in between texting and talking loudly on her cell for the past 5 minutes) reached out and grabbed the waitresses arm, and says (loudly)"hey we have been waiting for over 5 minutes for our order to be taken...we only want some sammiches"..ERMAGERD....and the waitress takes their order then finally comes to take ours...
another 15 minutes later..some of their food arrives..several bacon cheeseburgers(loaded) a piece some fries, and  large sodas. ok , fine ..we only ordered dinner faced beef sandwich and a broasted honey chicken platter..We didn't even get the salad bar.I am getting a tad pissed.

a few other tables that arrived only shortly before or after us are served as well..Finally we get our drinks, and some rolls.Next, the divas had apparently ALSO ordered stuff to go- some fried chicken and dessert, which they also got( in paper bags which they had to check through before leaving) . They stood up to leave the one started to complain about how long it took to get service here, blah blah blah.  Our food finally arrived ( cold) as the two left the establishment bumping every table and probably human elbow on their way out , chatting still on their cell phones and with each other about "what they gone make their man do when he get home".

What a freaking waste of life.Unfortunately they were speaking loud enough that i heard little tidbits about their kids( lord help them), their welfare checks being late, and where they got their last hair extensions done.

At this point , i am done.I work all week just to eat , pay rent and car payments. This is a treat - eating out..even if its only a cheap restaurant. All i want to do is simultaneously shoot bamboo rods throughout their spinal cords while ripping each fake nail off and shoving them elsewhere. But i am so astounded that life would allow these such creatures to reproduce..all i can do is giggle.

We take our leftovers out in stryofoam trays to the car and i say to Scott-"Did you see those girls who sat behind us?"
"Well, you should start praying because God just spared your eyes".
On my way home, i pray myself-thanking God he didn't give me a mother like that.


Savoring the Little Things

Yes, i used to be able to do this...and now i will endeavor to do so again.

Last night i was doing a lot of miscellaneous research online...odd topics..ionic silver, hippy communes, chronic pain syndrome, Lincoln Way(Clairton, PA)..etc..

I actually enjoyed myself and still was able to chat with my BF and work on needlework.In my research on CPS..i read over and over that many times it is psychosomatic/neurological/or psychological. I have all the symptoms so i started thinking about the ways they treat this which is multi-directional.Some said acupuncture, antidepressants, and occasionally pain meds.Some suggested medical/psychological combinations.Some said address each area separately.

I started thinking about that. Most of my pain started occurring this past year. Then i thought more deeply about when and the possible whys of it all.Yes, I've had some injuries, but as the articles described..CPS goes on long after the original injury is healed.Or the symptoms start for no particular reason and no one can pinpoint a cause.So i concentrated on that.

What i came up with is thinking about the last extended period of time that i was happy and pain free at the same time. Its was about 3 years or so ago when i first left my husband and was starting a new , totally different lifestyle. At that time i felt free, happy and excited about things.Like being able to cuss if i wanted, not feeling so insecure that in wasn't like my neighbors or church family, and dressing how i wanted. I no longer had to act like someone i wasn't. Delving deeper into that i finally came to the conclusion that if most of my current pain is psychological, how do i fix that?

Well one thing i did was force myself to relax. My whole body, my mind. Not sit around with the monkey-mind and stress. Guess what? It worked.

Usually i dread my whole ride home because my back gets so tight i can barely drive. It didnt today. Now, i don't claim that every tiny little pain and all the tightness went away. But i can say that it was about 80-90% relief.I expressed this when i got home to my BF.He agrees..relaxation can do wonders..too bad i cant smoke pot!

Anther thing i finally tried today was Breath-Right awesome.. instant relief...I cant believe i didn't try them before.

Now as i sit here at work another long night, i realize that i am still dealing with many underlying emotional issues which in turn are causing anxiety, stress, depression and all sorts of uglies.And what i need to do is just forget about them..turn off that channel and go munb for a while if i have to..or if i'm lucky find a more positive replacement. i know, i know...people say this kind of BS all the time..

I'm talking little things like focusing on a menial task or activity, going for a walk, mediatting on relaxing my body and mind that kind of crap..Hey, it worked for me before..way back when the little things still made me happy( like seeing a flock of hundreds of birds, using lollipops as coffee stirrers, watching the sunset or rise, noticing small items left along the side of the road). Yup, i used to be THAT person..

So once again i shall rise ..Welcome home, my inner Hippy:)

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Everyday I'm Hustlin' ( and 10 more secrets about me)

This particular blog is for two kinds of people: those who either want to get to know me better, or those already like or love me. But it's also for me.

You see, this blog isn't just any old's also my diary, my confidante, my venting area, and a reminder of the person i was and have become- at different times in my life. As i sometimes go back through and re read my own posts from years previous( yes, i somehow am entertained by that) i am able to gauge what has changed-for the better or for worse. Mostly i am in awe of myself at how much energy i seemed to use to have, how busy and full my life seemed( i think -"how did i do all this stuff all the time?")..which was also depressing..ugh..aging!
However , i noticed today that i MAY not be so bad and decrepit as i think..after all..every day i'm hustlin'!( caution- lots of foul language in the song)

Anyway- so here is my typical daily grind:

I work saturday through  wednesday 11p -7 i drive home( about an hour) , get in bed about 8-830. Preferably i wake at about 4-430p. It takes my brain about an hour to have my one cup of coffee, plus a cup of super antioxidant green tea with honey....i usually get on Facebook for a very brief time( to check messages etc) then check emails , texts , etc. Finally i will haul my tired ,old arse up to take a bath.

About two days a week i schedule tanning appointments for 630p and they usually coincide with the 2-3 days i get to the gym( afterwards). On other days i try to either get up before 4 to make phone calls to places that close at 5, or i have scheduled doctor /dentist appointments or any other appointments that come up to get to. On thursdays( my first night off) i usually try to NOT leave the house at all so i can drink a bit, relax& wind down, and

.Friday is typically recovery day. I keep my same work shift hours on my nights off. Somehow in "between-eth" all of this i try to fit in family( calling /emailing/etc)having my grandson over as much as possible, have friends over or attend something- ( art festival or some social outing) or get groceries , run errands, etc.

Its pretty exhausting. Especially working night shift.

So  to try to keep up ,i also have to remember to take all of my meds and supplements.I have recently started diatomaceous earth, and will be adding ionic silver also.I also take glucosamine chondroitin , a blood pressure med, and sometimes an antibiotic or an allergy med.If i have to leave the house, i split this up and take them in between preparing dinner, packing my lunch, housework, and getting other stuff ready for work( which i do almost everyday).

At 10 pm i leave to drive to work , and try to relax as much as possible in the car because my back is almost always in knots by this point, and driving makes it worse..Mostly i will try to take an OTC med for pain before i leave and/or use a heating pad, or the inversion table.These are my only relief measures really and they are only temporary.My back pain and sinus issues are the two most debilitating life issues i have.

When i get to work it takes about half hour - an hour to get everything in order that a nurse does, then i get online and do Facebooking again, do research, take care of bills and issues with bills etc. check my bank account,blog, etc. I am also currently working on a needle point project for my upcoming new grandson ( october) so i will work on this at night also, and chat with my BF.

I leave at home and it all begins again-( unless i have an early morning appointment as i sometimes do).

NOW- if you've stuck with me so far - you deserve the 10 additional secrets about me( updated from several years ago):

1. I had a traumatic experience when i was young in a corn field.I wandered in and got lost for hours- crying and distraught. Therefore i have a terrible phobia about corn fields( which i have to drive through every night ,during the season ,on my way to work- terrified). Watching Children of the Corn did not help matters.

2. I still cannot bring myself to throw away any wish bones, no matter how small. I still don't know why i do this.

3. Not really a secret here but just FYI- my most hated foods are: Bacon, Deer meat, Pop corn , and mushrooms, liver  and lemons.My favorites vary but mostly meats..and potatoes..Things have changed.I still love all kinds of squash though.

4.i have tried to quit smoking 4 times this year without success. But I'm not done trying yet.

5.I drop the f-bomb a lot..i really should work on remedying this. It's very unbecoming.

6.i am for gun control, against pot legalization( for odd reasons- not because its not an awesome drug for some, just not for me) ..i am a christian, i am polyamorous , and i am a blend of native american, italian, german and irish.I believe in civil unions, but not marriage for anyone who is not a christian .I drink, but don't do street/ illegal drugs. I smoke cigs but not pot.I am a painter/artist.Now how strangely combined can one person get?This actually barely scratches the surface..

7.I own multiple stuffed bears now and sleep with different ones at different times. I used to only own one (Travel bear- who has been with me for years) but now theres more. Also i truly do talk and communicate with my bears. They are very important to me.

8.The thing that can make me smile any time, even on the worst days is watching video clips of baby animals..usually playing or being awesomely cute)

9.It truly drives me nuts when people say "little-est or stupider/stupidest". I cringe, and sometimes get a flash headache.

10.DO NOT call me cute , ever. ......ever.

Ok - thats about now.....Enjoy putting eye drops in after reading all this...:)

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Eating Dirt and other new adventures of old Lovie

This was me ..Then.

There is a fine line when you start to want to "feel" better more than you want to "look" better. It's called the Age of Wisdom line.When it starts, nobody can really pin down. Mine started sometime this past year...i just didnt realize it until a few weeks ago.

My pain level had been increasing steadily over the year..many different types of pain- minor body aches, gastric /intestinal distress, headaches, memory loss and lack of focus...and of course the external -wrinkles, etc..Additionally i was getting depressed and my anxiety level had brought my blood pressure to a steady 150/90.

I tried many temporary fixes..abstaining from drinking except on my nights off..getting and keeping a full-time job,eating better,less coffee , more water, finally going to the doctor and dentist, getting to the gym, etc...And i guess each of these things in and of themselves helped..BUT.....

After finding out that a bad fall had fractured two of my ribs a few weeks ago and realizing i was unaware and just pushed through the pain to a point that caused a thoracic sprain( way more painful and long lasting by the way) i realized that all along i have just ignoring many many things..pain and otherwise...I have had many disguises..many cover ups and many lies to tell myself..pretending it was normal.

Whats really wrong is my heart and soul...i had been trying to uphold old standards( some from  way back in my 20's!) --about the way i look, how i should discipline myself, what i should and shouldn't love, like, or allow in my life.These things, as they say, no longer serve me.

What i need is a total life makeover...starting with the started by getting back to the basics...I'm eating dirt...daily.

Not just any dirt..diatomaceous earth...i am now on day 4..only taking half a tsp.( half the recommended) and i will increase to one full tsp per day next week.I am also considering ionic silver- but mostly that's used for illness. And this is just scratching the surface( no pun intended).

As far as my life- i need Art..i need to paint. It's a huge part of me.I am endeavoring to put more of my time and heart into it and re-evaluate how i can free up more time to make it a part of my life and hopefully sell more stuff..i want to cut back to only 4 nights a week...and that will take an effort to get the budget back in order...especially after 2 unexpected weeks off.

Over all..i need to feel good- -energy and pain free living are now my goals as opposed to looking like Barbie. I've even totally revamped my gym thinking- no longer trying to sculpt..i do a circuit style 2 days a week (lifting)..end with some brief cardio..and then if i go a 3rd day its all cardio.If i miss a workout..i walk..outdoors..30 minutes- an hour..

I have also freed my mind of many other ways of thinking..such as having to believe in and behave a a certain way to make others happy..the only time i'll be doing that is when i CHOSE and when i am at work.

My heart and soul need some attention...and as for that pic above..well...this one here below is me now...not too bad for 48, i'd say..:)