Friday, May 15, 2015

well, today is day 1 - again

i figured i would fail..but at least i can explain...I work full-time.All week i am physically sore and have nothing to take except over the counters stuff which barely ruches it. My bf and i have lots of tension, seems we disagree on almost everything, so we argue. Thursday has always been my day to binge drink and relax myself..although the repercussions have been great..including more intense arguing and the horrible next day hangover.
I had initially decided that i would go tanning and to the gym on thursdays to kills some time an dget out of the house to distract myself.Its the worst day for me.Then i would come home and have 1-2 glasses of wine and be done with it , go to bed.

I had planned on tat this week also(did it last week) BUT within 10 minutes of waking up my BF came home and started an argument with me because i had shown him to links to homes for sale that i wanted to look at. He was extremely unhappy with the homes, and especially the locations(one in manchester, one in york haven)Now, mind you, only MY name is going on the mortgage, we are not married and he doesn't have kids or grandkids. My decision has to be based on my life, not his and the fact that i am ultimately responsible for the mortgage, and have to be happy with the home.He can walk away anytime. We had discussed this before.

So he gets me all upset on my weakest, most difficult day.Not what i needed. I canceled my tan appointment , the gym and stayed home and drank and painted.I feel like shit today and missed out on going to yard sales to look for stuff for my grandson so he can play in the yard. Also didnt pick up brake parts for my car which i need for inspection by the end of the month.

This is really a struggle for me.Now i have to start over.I don't know how i am going to deal with days like yesterday..notice 2  thursdays ago was about the same shit.I have to find a way to have inner peace ....i'll keep trying..starting over...

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