Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The Impending Log

Well, today i will start my personal log of ( hopefully) a day to day status on my progress.I feel as though i need something to do with my time so i don't go nuts or give in to temptation. I want to be able to use this as a personal tool to review and remember the process( how i felt, what i noticed, things i did, my thoughts,etc)
 so here goes...

Day 5(no alcohol)

I have to keep saying the mantra"i am doing this for myself" to myself over and over because at various times i will slip into blaming others for things and trying to convince myself that i really don't need to do this if i can get other crap in my life fixed. Many times i have caught myself saying "well, if so and so wouldnt be doing this or if this and that didnt happen or wasn't happening then i wouldnt need to be doing this". So i must repeat my mantra.

When i realize this and say the mantra a few times i get to the point of "why" i am doing this for myself.Here's a quick list: so that my gut feels better, so i can say i did it, so i can see if it resolves any of my physical pain, so i know what it feels like to be clean for awhile.

Also, i have two plans..one leading to the other..they say set small goals first..So i am telling myself i will go two weeks first, then another two weeks equaling my 30 day goal. I really don't know what will happen in 2 weeks..i am not giving myself any permissions or excuses.This is just the best way i know how to deal with this minute to minute.We shall see.

Some of the things i will be doing to help with the excess time i fear are:

- changing my gym days to include my usual drinking night off (thursday)
- adding reading to my life again before bed in the mornings
- drinking more water, herbal teas and grapefruit/v-8 juice
- blogging:)
- sleeping more

I am sure this list will grow.I have other ideas that i am contemplating..especially because i know i have 3 days in a row off twice this month. This will be excruciating for me. .......

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