Monday, May 4, 2015

It's Time

As of this weekend , i have made a decision to quit drinking for awhile..not saying forever or completely..but i need to keep my head clear.Many things that happened over the past several days have convinced me that i need a new direction in life. I know that i have accomplished a lot this past year and made many positive changes. But i also know there are more.

I need to buy a house of my own. I need to start saving some money (once i get all these financial burdens under control). i need to not dwell on not being out in the arts community. I have been finally tanning and going to the gym.In spite of continuous severe back and neck pain, i also have left elbow tendonitis and a rotator cuff injury- both of which are i think , finally, abating.Additionally i have been eating healthier foods at work .

My hope is that i will not only feel clearer and more focused, but i will feel better emotionally and physically. Many of my friends this past year have started on the road to sobriety..and their FB posts are inspiring to say the least.I feel it's definitely a sign, especially since i know how much they drank and how often and how it had affected their lives..i say KUDOS to them, and have hope for myself.

My fears are very real in this however, i fear how much physical pain i will have to deal with. I fear not having enough to do with my time, and being irritable and agitated. i also fear the depression. I not only fear all of this for myself , but others around me.Mainly i will NOT be going out anywhere around people i know.

It's not that i have been drinking everyday this past year like i was for a few years. i had cut down to one night a week, my night off. But also sometimes i would drink on all my nights off and that wasn't good. It's not that i drank before work or around my grandchildren or drove drunk or anything drastic.Its not that i haven't been able to pay my bills or function or hold a job.And again, i was still all this time able to make improvements in my life.

But now it's time to try something new. We shall see how this works out.

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