Thursday, May 22, 2014

Trials and Victories

Quick update:
Well monday evening i did wind up having a few(very little) glasses of wine. Iwas in a lot of pain all week and NOTHING was touching it..so about 9pm i caved and had some-- tremendous relief….cancer pain is a bitch…
I have been trying many things to deal with the pain..heating pads, tons of OTC meds, stretching, etc…nothing works , except a bit of wine…sooo
I have decided that once a week i will allow myself a little to deal with that, as well as to open the creative centers of my mind for a few hours, relax and enjoy…BUT…definitely nothing like before. I haven't had any since…tomorrow night i am off, so i will indulge ….
My philosophy on this is: I am almost 50 years old. I am in great pain and have no way of knowing when any day will be my last. I do not want to spend my life in complete misery over something i can remedy, but can control with some discipline.It is my decision, and I really don't care what anyone else thinks..I have to live in tis body, and live my life..no one else does.
At this point in time, I have been basically anti social for two months, staying out of social situations with the rare exception of having one friend over for a few hours just to chat.Because of all the transitions and decisions, the depression and anxiety related to them, i haven't felt comfortable being in crowds/public socializing.I have no idea how long this will last. I am even very apprehensive about venturing to this Venice Beach Music Festival next week for a 5 day vacation…because i know there will be crowds and people will be partying.
On a more normal and positive note, i have been eating much healthier still, taking a few supplements, got my hair trimmed nicely and have been doing a lot of much needed organization.I love the case i am at and the family loves me.
Let the healing begin:))

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