Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Failure

Yes, that's right..i am having days of failure..i have been smoking more than i want to…and i drank 3 nights this weekend..where's the confessional?where are my hail mary beads?
I have noticed that i have only been using my electronic vaporizer when i leave the house, especially to go to work…so yes, i don't smoke in the car or at work for 8-10 hours.But i just can't seem to shake the addiction when i walk in the door.
As far as drinking..well, i was unexpectedly off for the weekend- the insurance wouldn't cover nursing while the family was camping. So had 3 nights of nothing to do and i drank, painted, visited friends, enjoyed my significant other.We even went for a walk at Chiques rock Monday.
BUT..i am so displeased with myself.
Why??? can't i shake these addictions?I mean, of course i can go without either when it comes to work..i can't smoke at work, and i sure as heck can't be hungover or drunk…so i can control myself for this. I just cannot seem to get a hold on it outside of that.
And ..lets talk about night shift..
Again, i am in the position where i cannot sleep during the day more than 4-5 hours when i am working nights. Its especially hard now that i am out of prescription sleeping pills.I feel like a zombie.
Plus i am still figuring out the protocols and policies of whom to call for when and what with these cases.It's night time.If its not a dire emergency, my feelings would be to call asap in the normal hours of the day time…but, no..i get reprimanded for doing that.So, i guess now i will just be calling Doctors and the agency at night and waking the parents for things.I never had these issues before.
It seems that i am cursed in everyday these days.
All i can do is pray, pray, pray...

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