Wednesday, May 28, 2014

don't know what to say

About ready to give up. I see it happening all over again. I finally thought i had a steady case and i loved it. But things are looking bad. I am getting some very bad vibes that i may be, once agin , removed from a case.All i can say is, i try.I most likely did make a bad judgement call by not calling the doctor in the middle of the night when the little guy was starting to get sick. My quandary was that the family had just returned home from a camping trip and had been stating over & over how exhausted they were and needed some rest. I figured if i called the on call doctor (probably not the childs actual doctor) he/she would state to just bring him in to be seen.I did everything within my nursing judgement and orders that i felt i could.I couldn't quite pinpoint that he was actually sick or getting sick because he was up & down. Mainly, he looked ok, was alert and active but he did have a lot more alarms than usual. I was torn between thinking that if i over reacted the family would lose confidence in me to be able to care for their child without resorting to unnecessary panicking . I recalled last year when i woke a family up to take the child to the hospital that by the time we got there in the middle of the night, waking up everyone and worrying them, the baby turned out to be fine and dandy by the time we got there. It was an unnecessary trip, nothing was actually wrong. They did X-rays and probably cost the family not only sleep time but extra money for tests not covered by insurance.
In the morning( with this child) i gave both parents report plus the next nurse and then called my supervisor to update her. My supervisor made it very clear she was upset that i hadn't called the doctor.I tried to explain that the baby didn't show any other signs of illness and i treated every symptom (a brief period of wheezing with the PRN albuteral, which cleared it up, and some fussiness and discomfort during the  last hour with Tylenol).I did encourage the mom to have the baby seen, as she stated she would if the baby kept having issues that day.
I held him, suctioned his nose for congestion twice, sat right next to him when i wasn't holding him, i even held his hand and listened to his lungs and heart for 10-15 minutes at a time for any other irregularities. I took his temp 3 times, the room was very warm but he didn't have a fever.his responded to stimulation as usual. I just felt i couldn't justify making a fuss, that it could possibly be false alarms.
These pieces of equipment pick up on movement a lot of times and give false alarms.
Anyway, after he was admitted last night i haven't stopped berating myself. My supervisor was right, i should have just covered my but and called the doctor anyway. By the way…her and i don't get along very well..i always feel like she targets me for anything and everything.I have a deep seated feeling that when she called the family she probably suggested i be removed from the case since i made a poor judgement call… and perhaps convinced the family to dismiss me,….or maybe the agency itself is going to make that decision .It seems i can never do anything right in my supervisors eyes…and i think she is determined to make me look and feel bad.But thats strictly just opinion on my part, not fact..Yes, just a feeling.
I haven't heard exactly that i am being dismissed, but when i waited all day and didn't hear from her, i called and she was extremely short and cold with me. a bad sign.

Then my mom calls and tells me my grandmother has been started on morphine so will likely pas in the next day or so..while i am in California..great.. Why me?

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