Saturday, September 1, 2012

And There's Yer Sign......

True Story.....

So, every night, or day , depending, i stop at a local convenience store on my way to work for a cup of black coffe. It's my motivation to get out the door, and every cup gets me one hot red cent of future gas purchases(yay! i got 30 cents of the gallon two days ago)....anyway...

So tonight i make my usual stop.The heavy set guys was there who almost never works nights, and as i approach the coffee area he shouts over "aint no coffee, i din get to it yet"....ok, well, thankfully another customer pointed out a carafe with just enough in it, so i had my fix.

I approach the counter and i'm almost there when...whooosh...cell phone bimbo flies in the door and practically slides Micheal Jackson style to get ahead of me. She is on her cell phone chatting madly away, obviously frustrated. I would've been a bit upset, except that she wound up providing excellent entertainment while i waited...

Bimbo:"I can't believe this. She is stupider than stupid"
Me(in my head---hmmmm)
Bimbo: "No, her brains just littler than mine"
Me(now thats gotta be a circus act in the making)
Bimbo: "At least i finished a year of cahmetology school before i dropped out. She never even went"
Me( figures...and kudos to the unnamed party)

At this point, i'm thinkin Jessica Simpson actually looks pretty smart. There is a lull in the conversation while she pays the cashier then:

Bimbo:"Oh, and i need a pack of Newports Lights"
Cashier gets them down , hands them to her & starts to ring her up...

Bimbo:"Hey, aint there no nicotine in them light ones?"
Me( almost passing out from holding my breath trying not to laugh or snort noticeably)
Clerk:"Um no, there's still nicotine in 'em"
He looks at me with concern, apparently noticing me turning blue.
The Bimbo proceeds to pay for the smokes.
On her way out the door, cell phone still pressed tightly to her skull....
"Ah just can't believe that, how can it be that ya pay the same amount for them lights cigarettes as i did  the reglars... that cashier - ripped me off ...... dint know anything about cigarettes, the retard..."

As the door swished close, my oxygen level was all but depleted as i took a breath and swayed to the counter...tears in my eyes, ...... finally bursting in to laughter so hard i had to stop before i cramped up.
I put my coffee on the counter and steady myself with the freezer lid while i dug for some money.

I look up at the clerk, he looks at me... a moment passes between us and i was able to just about contain myself so i could speak......

Clerk:"and she thinks i'm a retard.. i finished my cahmetology school....she's stupider than me..."

I honestly don't remember if i paid for the coffee or not......or just how i made it safely to the car...all i know is that i could'nt see for a few miles as the tears rolled down  my cheeks.

Yup..only in Red Lion, Pa.