Saturday, September 1, 2012

And There's Yer Sign......

True Story.....

So, every night, or day , depending, i stop at a local convenience store on my way to work for a cup of black coffe. It's my motivation to get out the door, and every cup gets me one hot red cent of future gas purchases(yay! i got 30 cents of the gallon two days ago)....anyway...

So tonight i make my usual stop.The heavy set guys was there who almost never works nights, and as i approach the coffee area he shouts over "aint no coffee, i din get to it yet"....ok, well, thankfully another customer pointed out a carafe with just enough in it, so i had my fix.

I approach the counter and i'm almost there when...whooosh...cell phone bimbo flies in the door and practically slides Micheal Jackson style to get ahead of me. She is on her cell phone chatting madly away, obviously frustrated. I would've been a bit upset, except that she wound up providing excellent entertainment while i waited...

Bimbo:"I can't believe this. She is stupider than stupid"
Me(in my head---hmmmm)
Bimbo: "No, her brains just littler than mine"
Me(now thats gotta be a circus act in the making)
Bimbo: "At least i finished a year of cahmetology school before i dropped out. She never even went"
Me( figures...and kudos to the unnamed party)

At this point, i'm thinkin Jessica Simpson actually looks pretty smart. There is a lull in the conversation while she pays the cashier then:

Bimbo:"Oh, and i need a pack of Newports Lights"
Cashier gets them down , hands them to her & starts to ring her up...

Bimbo:"Hey, aint there no nicotine in them light ones?"
Me( almost passing out from holding my breath trying not to laugh or snort noticeably)
Clerk:"Um no, there's still nicotine in 'em"
He looks at me with concern, apparently noticing me turning blue.
The Bimbo proceeds to pay for the smokes.
On her way out the door, cell phone still pressed tightly to her skull....
"Ah just can't believe that, how can it be that ya pay the same amount for them lights cigarettes as i did  the reglars... that cashier - ripped me off ...... dint know anything about cigarettes, the retard..."

As the door swished close, my oxygen level was all but depleted as i took a breath and swayed to the counter...tears in my eyes, ...... finally bursting in to laughter so hard i had to stop before i cramped up.
I put my coffee on the counter and steady myself with the freezer lid while i dug for some money.

I look up at the clerk, he looks at me... a moment passes between us and i was able to just about contain myself so i could speak......

Clerk:"and she thinks i'm a retard.. i finished my cahmetology school....she's stupider than me..."

I honestly don't remember if i paid for the coffee or not......or just how i made it safely to the car...all i know is that i could'nt see for a few miles as the tears rolled down  my cheeks.

Yup..only in Red Lion, Pa.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

What Dreams May Come

Ghandi was a lawyer who decided one day to be a peacemaker. Mother Theresa was a girl from a small town who decided one day to devote her life to the poorest of the poor. Florence Nightingale came from a prosperous family, but decided one day to spend her life tending to wounded war vets.My philosophy on life is this: Be both a dreamer and a doer.To do only one is a waste of life.

You see, a dreamer dreams and never does. A doer does and never dreams. I dream big, and then, i do.
It doesn't change anything to just dream about, talk about , or think about anything, unless you are going to DO something with it. I can't tell you how frustrating it is too know someone with no goals in life. And i've known many. I've known even more who have goals, but never put forth the effort to achieve them.They just sit around talking about their plans, or day dream- and that's all.

Charlse Shultz was quoted as saying he has no goals in life. But in his endeavor to create the Peanuts, his goals had to be to make people laugh.On the contrary, i rather like Henry Ford's quote: "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal". In other words, step outside the box. Be fearless. Get out of your comfort zone. And here's one from Donald Trump that is near & dear to my heart...."Think big. You have to think anyway, so why not think big?"

Let me say this. I have spent a lifetime so far reading & researching the autobiographies of people who have changed the world and/or are household names- good or bad. All have one thing in common. They did something.They didn't think it, or just dream it, or just talk about it. Now, i don't have any desire to be famous. But i do have a desire to have an impact on the world around me- a positive impact. I want to leave a legend. Not my name, not my debt, not just memories.Something tangible & real. And in my case, something that helped someone other than myself.

I don't have a goal to make lots of money, be famous, or be the best parent ..those are for other people.
My goal is simply this-Not to waste the life i was given, but to be the best i can be---- to and for those around me.
And when my body is resting in that coffin, i want to be at peace knowing i did all i could, no excuses-- and that my life will speak for itself.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Tap Water Lattes & other Delights of the Working Class

Warning:This post may be offensive to those easily offended.You've been warned.

So, let me get this straight Mrs. Ex.....you had two kids to two different men, left them and married another man with 4 kids of his own, making your total 6 . So then you had to quit your job (oh no wait, you work under the table) & go on welfare to take care of the additional 4.

Now you are asking your two baby daddies for child support because you can't afford to feed their children.What is wrong with this picture??


When it comes to idiocy this obvious, my inner Dexter comes out to play.You see, because while you collect over $800/month plus food stamps and free medical care, the average Josephine, such as myself, is out there actually working just to finance your lifestyle choice. That's right, i said CHOICE!

You are physically able to work, you just choose not to.At least not that the government knows about.

Yup, i'm the one who has to leave my happy home and family 5 days a week and go care for someone else's family just to barely get by. I have to sacrifice  my own personal time actually balancing a checkbook.I have to buy less at the grocery store  so you can buy more because i have to give the government money to support you and all those kids i did not CHOOSE to have.

While you sit around eating dorito's watching soaps all day , tucking the kiddies into a warm snuggly bed at 8pm, & go to bed yourself...i have to get in my car, drive to work and stay up all night away from MY family.

While you are able to take the kids out to McDonald's and Wendy's in addition to getting free  groceries each month...i have to sip on my home brewed tap-water Lattes, and eat boxed mac & cheese.Yeah, and..FYI ...i loove to stand behind those paying with food stamps at the store.....  seeing what luxuries i can't afford to eat. And to make things worse,they usually combine their order with WIC and cash their freakin government checks while i wait,... and wait... and wait- watching their kids pick their noses and whine about what kind of pizza they are gonna order tonight.

While you wheel your herd of children in & out of hospitals, doctors & dentists for free, my kids have no insurance at all. In fact, i cant even afford the doctor co- pays for my own insurance.

What? You can't find a job? I'm sure Uncle Sam could use you in the military. Oh, you're too disabled to sit a desk & answer phones? Isn't that what you do when you watch tv & talk on your cell phone all day everyday?And if you can use facebook, you have some computer aptitude.

Well, i guess it's just not your fault is it? After all, Pennsylvania is gonna give you an hourly equivalent of $9.47/hr. Hmmm...isnt minimum wage  only $7.25/hr. Go figure.

Now let's get personal...

Everyday, i am cleaning up  the  emotional baggage you left behind...the man, the child, the financial stressors you left behind.

But that's not good enough for you, to have left it in the past. Oh no!
How could life possibly be worth living for you if you didn't have a daily crisis to start?After all, why should anyone else be happy until you are?

Let me ask you...(along with her dad)---who takes care of your kid when she comes to our home? who feeds her, plays with her , disciplines her, teaches her?Who holds her when she's hurt, listens to her tell her stories, tucks her into bed at night?who goes with her to the emergency room when she's sick?who spends tremendous amounts of  personal free time sorting out the legal and medical issues you have created for us?who sacrifices time with their own family so that her best interests are served?

ME, that's who.

So you better not come a-knockin' at my door, sista...you better not come a-knockin'.
Cuz that door just might be wired by my close friend Mohammed.

'nuff said.





Friday, August 3, 2012

The Bird is the Word

Lately , i've been thinking about this blog.I really want to start posting again and yet, each day when i think to myself.."aha! thats what i'm gonna blog about!"-somehow by the end of the day , my memory fails me.

But here's something that i couldn't help but pass along.

We have a little birdie out back who mimics things. Not just other birds, but people , sounds, other animals etc. I think there's only the one bird, unless he has cousins.

Anyway , i knew about said bird when i moved into this place. I was told he mimicked everything.What i wasn't told was that he is a sadistic little pr*ck with a deranged sense of humor.He doesn't merely mimic. He, in fact, does indeed understand the subtle art of humiliation.

For instance, i first noticed his presence , when, one morning after a particular heated discussion  on the deck the night before concerning my mans ex, i was rudely awaked by this bird who chose to sit on the bedroom window sill and torment me by chanting the ex's name -loudly----in sets of three.

"Teresa, Teresa,Teresa". I even recorded it as proof.

Next, some weeks later, we had been discussing our body hair. I know, don't even ask....Anyway, my man said that he wanted to shave a particular area of his body because he felt like a chia pet. I told him ,lovingly, that this wasn't true and i liked him the way he is. Sure enough... the next morning..

I get my coffee,  and in my robe go to the deck to enjoy the outdoor air...what do i hear taunting me?

"Chia pet, chia pet, chia pet"..

Now, there have been a few other instances when i have actually heard the bird saying human words which had nothing to do with us. This is how i know he is a sick little f*ck who enjoys torturing anyone at random.He is an equal opportunity tormenter.

So , this morning , as i sat on that same deck, having watched an adult movie the night before with my man as we sometimes do together...my ears were chastised with

"Tiity Boy, Titty Boy, Titty Boy".

I rest my case.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

It's gone missing.....

Things are slowly getting better. My ex & i have come to a decent agreement on the mortgage, i am working regularly, and my man is finally learning not to blow up so much about his exes behavior(i think). There are still a bunch of little things going on, and of course family stuff , but its getting more dealable.i would really like to find energy, motivation and time to blog regularly so i am taking my laptop in on night shifts now.
Ha...now if i could just stay awake enough to focus & get back that missing sense of humor!:)

Friday, July 6, 2012

My baby girl is finally in labor...hope to be a grandma sometime today...it's been so long since i posted. Here's the update:
1. i have hardly had any income for over a month now
2.my house still hasnt sold
3. the 4 year old(my step daughter) has had multiple bladder issues since november
4.my grandmother fell & has a face full of awful looking bruises
5.my brother relinquished custody of my niece due to so many ongoing issues with his ex creating a huge financial burden
6. my son is still in computer school and (thankfully) is doing well with his grades
7.i'm not divorced yet
8.i've gained about 7 lbs. in 7 months and developed some terrible habits r/t stress
9.the stepdaughters mom has started so many problems with us it infringes on every area of our lives, even when she isnt here---including legal issues we gotta deal with
10. my mother has been on the brink of divorce for about 7 months now.

So chalk it all up and add to the platter...
- trying to get the art gallery events done
- trying to paint when i can, needing supplies badly
-an ongoing proces of moving in here and getting situated
-running around like a banshee trying to get work- the process for each agency is amazingly long, and it actually has cost me more money this past month than i have made including clearances, tests, and gas.

These are the big things.The little things i won't mention.I worry so much about everyone else most of the time i havent had time to deal with my own stuff...but of course nobody understands or sees that.I think i finally did get that through to a few people,but i'll bet when their next issue comes up i'll be expected to help with it...or at least deal with it emotionally.Life is tough right now.

But i am praying for brighter days and trying to remember all that i DO have-love, family, food & shelter, and, most of all, HOPE..:)))

Monday, March 12, 2012

The Separation

I walked away from a house filled with things, and walked into one filled with love.
I walked away from no time to spend with my family, into the sound of a child's laughter.
I walked away from loneliness to find the attention i had long given up on.
I walked away from self doubt, fear, and frustration and into contentedness and peace.
I walked away from cold, infrequent interactions, and into hugs & kisses.
I walked away from separate beds, and into the arms of one who holds me all night.

Leaving behind a world of financial security, i found priceless treasures
Leaving behind a job of under appreciation, i found the excitement of new horizons.
Leaving behind the numbness of going through the motions, i found my true e-motions.
Leaving behind people whom i barely knew, i found a world of friends i never would have known.

Walking into uncertainty, I have found security.
Walking into the home of an old friend, i have found my best friend.
Walking into a new church, i have found a renewed LOVE for God and his blessings.

Don't be afraid.
Step outside the box.
Get out of the comfort zone.
Experience what you were meant for.


Thursday, February 9, 2012

So, i finally got it!

After all these years, starting this blog with the words "wanting less", i just realized i have finally succeeded.I have less.
I will explain.
Since i am separating from my husband, i will not have the burden of a huge mortgage on my back. I have less worry about keeping up with the neighbors.I have less house to clean, less food to prepare.Less furniture, less space, less expectations placed on me.In fact, i get to set the parameters now.
I don't clean house hardly ever. I cook when i feel like it.My weekends are no longer lonely and centered around groceries, housework, and filling my time to ease the pain of loneliness.
My mind holds less guilt.

However, my heart holds more love. My mind is expanding , my creativity flowing. I am starting to "feel" again. Not numb.
I even feel pain better.

So there it is.....i have less and it's wonderful!