Thursday, August 4, 2011

Moping in the Morning

Mornings.
Gotta love 'em.
When i was young i remember hardly being able to contain myself, bouncing outta bed at 5 or 6 am excited to watch cartoons and play with my friends. Anticipating eating my favorite cereal (Life) and digging out the "prize".Sneaking cookies & other goodies into my room and arguing with my mom about taking a bath ("One day you will want to take a bath"-i didn't believe her!).
When i started middle school , i recall having to start getting up earlier to catch the bus. The first year wasn't bad.I had more independence, an a la carte line in the cafeteria, and started wearing mascara.But then i think the next one was where my decline in excitement about mornings began.
Setting my alarm, dragging myself out of bed, standing in the cold or rain at the bus stop somehow made it lose it's charm.Of course, i still had things to look forward to- school dances, my first boyfriend, experimenting with fashion, and gossiping with my 3 best friends.
Then , moving on to high school.
At first, this wasnt so bad either. As a freshman, i was one of the "freshmeat" for the cool high school boys, which by now was pretty great since i was already boy crazy.Plus, i was still bigger than my younger brothers and could still boss them around a bit.
Then , with newer friends, i started being invited to parties, working my first after school job, and had a telephone in my bedroom.I wore high heels sometimes, went to football games, and
had my first heartbreak.
Going into my twenties seems like life was still fresh almost.I worked a fulltime job, went out with friends, moved around alot,went to concerts, went through a slew of relationships, raised 2 children and filed bankruptcy.
In my thirties is where i believe the beginning of mornings demise began.After a longtime love & i split up, i went into a period of mourning, regrets, drinking binges, meaningless sex, and depression.By the time i had met my current husband the exuberant energy was almost depleted. Sure, i had a few good years in the late 30's-doing yoga, still working out, exploring my newfound internet world and finding my life's career in nursing. But the zip was dwindling.
These days, mornings are routine, boring and sometimes downright mean. I feel every ache from going to the gym the night before, my eyes water for hours while i sneeze and sniff with allergy symptoms, and work out the stresses of the upcoming day in my head.
I look in my closet at the same clothes i've had for 5-10 years, bathe,drink my coffee & fight with the coffee maker's little idiosynchosies,pack my lunch , pet my cats, and leave for work.
When life is losing it's luster, what does one do?


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