Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Here was the lovingly drafted message my husband received yesterday as he arrived home from work. Printed on elegant cardstock with a fading blue heart at the bottom. It read:
"Happy Anniversary ,Darling and welcome to...a night of togetherness.
We will begin our evening with a sumptuous candlelit dinner featuring a seafood medley- crab cakes with shrimp, lemon dill swai fish, with a side of summer squash & broccoli baked with Parmesian & mozzarella cheese.
Next, we will attend a 4:45pm showing of "The Rise of the Planet of the Apes".
After which will return home for a short easy run (to get the endorphins flowing).
Finally we shall retire together in our luxury master suite for a whirlpool bubble bath, followed by a relaxing Swedish massage from your wife with your choice of delightful massage oils.
The evening will end with the union of our bodies, expressing our unending love for each other as husband & wife!
So, here's how it REALLY went down.He comes in..reads it.."I have a Migraine".
I serve the meal."What's in this squash? it has something crunchy in it. I'm not eating anymore of it."i clean up & tell him to change so we can make the movie on time- he does so- grudgingly.
We watch the movie & afterward he says "It didn't have enough action in it." We arrive back home , i go up to change for the run. He says"Right now?" and practically scowls complaining of all kinds of physical ailments, but goes.We get back home. I head up to run the whirlpool & light the candles, start the music.20 minutes later i come down to find him still in the toilet, playing a solitaire handheld game. I tell him i've been waiting for him for 20 minutes. He comes up, all but refuses to get in the tub, but finally gives in. After which i have to coerce him to lie down for a massage.He grumbles about that. Doesn't even wanna take his underwear off.Afterwards, i am about at the end of my rope so, rather than saying something mean, i just lay there and wait for the "union" to be over with.
Let's see here...if i was to present this to, say, oh about 75% of the HOT ,HOT guys at our gym....i am sure i would have been covered in compliments,thank you's, kisses , and been moaning in pleasure by the end of the night , falling into a deep, satisfied sleep.
Hmmm.....Now, where did i put that wedding ring? Can't seem to find it...oh my...