Friday, July 29, 2011

Not About Me

I think i am getting out of control. At first, it was just relaxing and social. But now, i think i've hit a wall. Too many social get togethers that include alcohol are NOT good for the body , mind or soul.
I do believe that upon re-assessment, i will be placing some limits on myself regarding wine.I have to. Because it's pretty bad when you can drink almost 2 bottles by yourself over the course of a day and still not be drunk , or even hungover the next day.And, it's pretty bad when that is what you spend your weekly allowance on every other week($40).
In fact, yesterday, during an inpromptu drop in visit from a friend, i spent 137.oo to stock up. This netted me 9 bottles.Two are gone.Even though i shared half a glass with a new friend, and spilled one whole glass....still...

So i have to figure out what to do..

And another thing...this whole Facebook issue-- getting on my nerves. I have got to cut back. No one even comments on my paintings or videos or anything most of the time anymore. Meaning, i think, that they are sick of me. And, as absence makes the heart grow fonder, i need to lay low for awhile.
So, i'll make it not about me.
I need to realize that people have other things to do besides read my blog, respond to my posts and compliment my art.I am not that important, and , perhaps i have been a tad egocentric.
So, the run will end for awhile.
Tea is on the menu.
And a lot of sober painting.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Dream on , sweet dreamer...

Today's phone interview with the other company was not as good as i anticipated.First there was the discussion about how i would be still doing supervisory visits(which is fine if they are occasional) and then there was the discussion about the hours- 8a- 6p mon-fri plus any additional needed. And last, but not least, the pay- sadly the increase in salary was not near what i expected for such an increase in responsibility . My background is very well rounded in this area. I would have a lot to learn with formats on the computer and with insurance compliance, etc. But that is standard training wherever you go in this position.And at the end of the 1 hour conversation, i mentioned that i had a vacation coming up in September for 2 weeks that was already pre-planned for a year & paid for without any cancellation reimbursements allowed, coupled with the fact that we both work hard all year and watch everyone else go on vacation all summer. I will not give that up..and the comment was " i don't know that the company could or would extend that time to you but i will talk to...(someone)".Overall i didnt get a warm , fuzzy feeling.

So , i did a sup. visit Saturday. Boy, i just got another shocked reminder about how some nurses can even get a license , much less , keep one!The nurse i visited was in so much violation of the state practice act, i could barely stand to know she was hired.She was actually giving a patient a med based on what he said she should give him. There was an incorrect order written (grossly different than our orders and the bottle itself) . Not to mention that she signed it and the client said he gave it to himself because she was late(which she didnt argue).Later i asked her why she signed it she said she just did that because she gave him "X" amount today as he requested!..Arrrgh! When i arrived asking where the nurse was , he says"oh...she's probably upstairs sleeping"as if this was ok.The client was worse- he was cursing & saying " just put the F*cking bottle back on the shelf & don't f*cking touch it!That 'll solve all of this- you people don't have any business f*cking knowing about my meds." Man, what a nightmare.
Nursing can be such a DREAM.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Time to really Re-do the Budget

When i first started this blog the motivation was simple- cut back. Wanting less was the theme and over the years i've moved in & out of this depending on circumstance.
Let me just say the other factors have been hours i worked, school expenses, children in /out of the home, pet expenses & crisis, and ,oh yeah - MY HUSBAND!
I really wish he would get on board with my desire to be debt free. I wish now that i had pushed more but i guess after about 5 years, i ran out of steam. He pays all the bills now excpet the mortgage & groceries. I have tried to reduce those costs but with the economy tanking, my house appraised 19,500 less that when i bought it & i wouldnt be hardly saving anything to refinance. It's still smart to reduce the mortgage by 5 years , get a better rate, and save $50...but if i would have to put out the 3300 in taxes & wait indefinitely to get it back from my old mortgage company right before vacation, it won't work.
First of all i still have to give my son 2,000 for school next month & i only have 5,000 left in savings at this point. I am still wavering about my job and have applied at another company again. I hate the prospect of giving up my freedom & flexibility for something that i will hate. But if they REALLY make it worth my while, i need to bite the bullet. I need at least 15,000 more per year to even consider a move.And there has to be a better 401k plan where the company contributes.
On a smaller scale i have to write up a new budget reduction plan. One thing i need to do is change my cell phone plan.But i am in a contract and that makes it a very expensive endeavor to do so.It isnt up until may 2012.Then i want to go to an unlimited text only plan, have people start calling my house phone again & emailing me instead...we already pay for both anyway.Also, i have to reduce the electric bill . Problem is, Hubbs pays for that so it won't even affect me.Damn...i just wish he would give me the extra cash when i save him money...i could re-invest it and make a mint. If only he would give me cash instead of needing to buy me lavish gifts. Grrr...i've tried to sell him on these ideas, but no-go.The only other way to make extra cash is get a PT weekend job (also ending my freedom) or sell more paintings (unlikely- mainly since i don't know how to promote/market myself and cannot paint fast enough).
Another thought- cancel my current gym membership....even though i just started going regularly again, and even though(again) this will save Hubbs & not me, at least i will save the gas driving there. Maybe i can convince him to join a gym closer to us that's cheaper. After all, i have been very disappointed with ours lately anyway.
I have been scaling down in the painting department, using gallon paint from Lowes instead of acrylic in small amounts from Michael's, and have acquired almost all the materials i need to stretch my own canvas.I just need the canvas.
Oh well, i'll keep trying.....

Monday, July 18, 2011

Potty Problems


ok..here we go.....10 things women never wanna hear in the next stall in a public bathroom:

1. "ewwww....oh my god...gross...what the??!"(courtesy of my daughter today-i laughed til i cried!)
2. "where the hell r the urinals?hiccup.... "(male voice)
3.ppppfffffttt..then a few splashes.....pfffffftttt...splash, splash
4." dang it !...... out of diapers AGAIN. It's ok , mom, we'll just wad up some toilet paper for now."
5. "shoot, he said he pulled out. I'm gonna kick his a**!!"
6.(over a walkie -talkie) (crackle , crackle)- "Roger that.....We saw it run in here.We're on it.Over."
7. flush. groooooaaaann....bang bang bang....whooosh.....clang ...clang
8."hey , anybody got a plunger?"
9.the rustling of a fast food bag
10."ooooo man...i knew i shouldnt have mixed that whiskey with mexican food"....barf

Friday, July 15, 2011

Professional Courtesy vs. Machaiavelli

What is so hard about understanding professional courtesy.....since i've already explained about the 3 emails when only one would've resolved it..let's just "move forward' , shall we, into the present....

Let's say you get an email from your vice president , out of left field reminding you in not so many words to mind your p's & q's about an issue that is not and has never been an issue.

ok, so would'nt you ask what he/she is referring to, so as to clear up any misperceptions or confusions? a normal response (unless , of course you are an indentured servant, or slave)

so the response you get is "do not challenge my statements!" with a side dish (read: subtle threat)of "you , the director & i will discuss this at next weeks mandatory meeting".

so, i , being very bewildered about this sudden bizarre outburst sent a response stating that i wasnt challenging him, rather that i agreed with him, but wondering where this was coming from. No response.

i send an email to HR...(still being bewildered) with this response" i can see why someone in his position would percieve your phrase "i am not sure why this has become an issue today" as a challenge to his authority".O.M.G......am i completely missing something?

I am now convinced that this is indeed the Stepford company and they are all brainwashed.
Since when does a lack professional perception (of an email) entitle a person of authority to be disrespectful and rude. Doesnt that speak of his own insecurities? I mean who would figure a VP would feel so threatened by a question of clarification as as a challenge to his authority?

Can we say "Machiavallien Hierarchy?" I am just about at my tolerance level in regards to personal humiliation. I like a level playing field where all players are equals. I consider NO ONE but God higher or superior to myself.Least of all some runt who's obviously power-tripping.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Budget,Work, & Mortgage Woes

Been a long week so far. I had to help with supervisory visits for two branches and be available for classes. Tonight i am on call from 7p-11p for emergency calls.Oddly i only have two classes left to teach. Yesterdays got cancelled so i was able to paint & go to the gym. After work today i hope to go to the gym again, as well as tomorrow( but that may be up in the air). I truly hate how my schedule changes day to day & not knowing what i am going to be doing.
Monday i have a job interview. The position , according to an online source, is supposed to pay 65-80,000 salary in PA. which might make it worth it. The position is a director of clinical services and would be mostly office work...not my favorite thing. But , unfortunately, my house appraise at 270,000 -- 19,500 below what it was 5 years ago. Hell, we bought it for 284,000. I hate this housing market. Anyway, that means i would only save 50 /month by refinancing.
i have decided that if i don't need to bring any $ to the table at closing(meaning the 3300 for taxes) i will do it anyway. It will still save me 5 years and the interest rate is a lot lower.

So if i would get a higher paying job it would really help my budget. I would just hate life everyday. That's all. No big deal.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Auntie Artist

Working on this one....
But today i shall watch my niece..we are going to a playground then to the toy stor...back to my house, then back to Daddy tonight. I havent kept her in a while. She's such a cutie patootie!
I hate having to take her away from her home in some ways though, i probably should've just
watched her at her dad's but i havent brought her to my place in several months. At least here i have internet, cable and no large affectionate dogs to contend with.I hope i can keep her content and it isnt adding to her upheavals as of late. Her mom is now out of jail and she is being transferred around so much.Poor thing. Makes one wonder how kids survive the things they do.

Friday, July 8, 2011

She's an Idiot

Tell me, oh do...how does this make sense?
I send an email to this "woman" who obviously has issues with me, but there's no way of avoiding contact with (since , in the absence of the former clinical director, she has become my boss---shudder)

..no way of telling this story without sounding illiterate and i henceforth apologize.

anyhoo, i needed for her to re-send an email containing information on the location of a mandatory meeting . i had looked through vast amounts of emails trying to find it because i soooo dreaded having to ask her anything. well, i explained that i culdnt find it and could she please re-send me the info. ..or give me the address.

Here's what she does (So Typical)...sends me an email stating that she already sent it to my other email address and i had not yet accepted it. no further info....just that statement.

deep sigh..... i sent a response stating that i had already searched for it & really , really can't find it. could she please re-send it.
does she do that ? NO.
She sends me an email saying that another person will send it to me on her behalf.
And he does...

What kind of retard plays these stupid games? how hard was it for her to have simply responded with the address the first time?

I can hardly WAIT to see her at the meeting. She's such a shit head. Yes, i said it. I mean , seriously...is she a 2 year old? What kind of person needs that level of control, a petty, non functional , non rational type of control?

If this doesnt sink our ship, i don't know what will.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Saturday, July 2, 2011

On the Move


I'm starting to think i have lost the ability to eat in a non-moving environment. Seriously, i drive & eat in my car so much that , even when i am at home or in the office, i literally have to stand up & walk around while eating or it does'nt feel right.
This weekend, while it is true that it is a much needed break from work, was supposed to be just staying home & relaxing. But really, does that EVER happen?
No.

Every weekend, i have to catch up on house work & go to church.
Every other weekend i get groceries.
And, because i have no desire to be a complete recluse, i try to say yes to at least 1 invite, or arrange a get together of some sort with a friend or family member. Otherwise, eventually i would have no one.

June's weekend activities included a NY bus trip with my daughter, a visit to a girl with CP for her 19th birthday,a dinner & billiards with a friend,and a trip to a state park with a friend from church and another friends little girl- then going to my daughter's housewarming "Mexican Fiesta" afterwards.

So, now this weekend, coming after a 54 hr work week (one of the days i worked 18) i was looking forward to rest.But i was invited to go to a friends for a cook out & wine.
Now you might say "why didn't you just say no?"Well, the fact is i did have to say no to this person several times in the past few months because of other plans & work.So i couldn't very well say no again.
But mostly because i really like this friend & haven't seen him in ages. He started a new job in an ICU and i am excited to hear about it.Since he is gay, i am also wondering if he & his partner are planning to be wed now that NY has passed the law allowing it in their state.

The real downside is two fold..if i drink more than 1 glass (and i will) i will not drive. So i have to stay over. Tomorrow i need to attend church so that means getting up early to drive home & get ready.Also, my body doesn't recover as quickly as it used to from debauchery, so i may feel like crap. And my husband & i have plans to watch the fireworks & eat funnel cake at the riverside Sunday night.

My only saving grace is Monday. I have off as a paid holiday. I WILL DO NOTHING. I will paint,...... and be lazy.

After all, i must gear up for another month of activity.....