Thursday, July 1, 2010

Go Away Little Girl

Ok NOW i have something to blog about.

Let me start at the beginning. You may remember a few years back when i started this blog that my brother had been lied to and manipulated by a girl half his age about being pregnant to him.She kept up the lie as long as she could , still sleeping with him all the while,with the plan of becoming pregnant.When she did manage to get pregnant, my brother found out she had been lying to him all along. But in spite of it all , he didnt walk out on his obligation. He said he wasnt going to let her move in, then he wasnt going to let her move in until she had a job, then she just slowly moved in anyhow.The power of the vagina.

I was hesitant to trust this girl given how easily manipulation came to her , but she called me personally to apologize for her "bad choices" and so i gave her the benefit of the doubt, forgave her and accepted her.

I reached out to this girl time & time again, inviting her to Easter dinner, my kids graduation party,Christmas dinner(she actually showed up after dinner was over stayed for less than an hour and didnt smile or talk to anyone the whole time.I was really embarrasssed). My mother invited her to thanksgiving dinner, christmas dinner,etc.Each time there was some excuse. I even went out of my way and planned a baby shower for her and instead of having it here or somewhere else, i brought it to her.

When the baby was born , everyone came to the hospital to visit....including my daughter who didnt really even know her but had helped at the baby shower anyway.
After the baby was born i stopped over many times bringing gifts and visiting .Even when it was my day off or out of my way.
After she got her license back, and the baby had gotten older, i figured things would change.
In the past few months i called her and scheduled a time with her on 3 different occasions for her to bring my niece over here . The time i took her by herself for a few hours she cried the whole time. I figured i was just a stranger to her, and she needed to be with her mom at my house a few times so she got used to me.

Anyway, all three times i never got a phone call , she never showed up and when i called her she gave me some excuse why she didnt make it.

Soooo, we invited her to yet another family function , my daughters bridal shower. Right away the excuses began.
She had a marathon to run that day(even though she hadnt practiced running at all but for a few times, and is a smoker).
Then it was that she had her kids that weekend.When we asked if her mom could watch them for a few hours she said that would work.
Then she stated she didnt know how to get there. So my mom offered her a ride. She agreed at first , then complained that she didnt want to get to my moms at the time she needed to meet her because it was "too early".
She said she could drive herself , asked me to text her the address(i did) and my mom called her on the night before to ask what she got as a gift -she hadnt even gone to get one yet.

Suprise, suprise the next day she didnt show and kept sending blank texts from her cell phone acting like she was lost.She never called anyone til a day or two later she called my daughter and apologized.She then told her she had her gift and my daugter could come over to HER house to get it whenever she wanted.My daughter (and i told her to do this just to prove my point) told her she would be welcome to come to HER house when it was convenient to drop the gift. She would even be willing to meet her close by so she wouldnt get lost.The girl said ok and made arrangements to come over the next day.

She stood my daughter up, stating that she had some kind of "drama" with her other daughters dad.

A week & 1/2 went by. I decided it wasnt worth it to call her or confront her. So i took the high road and let it go. However, and i am so grateful for this, my mom & daughter let her know that she owed me an apology .I had been the one after all , who put all the time & energy, not to mention money into that shower.

I get a voice mail from her last night saying she wants to talk about things. I texted her, trying to avoid a conversation, but she kept insisting so out of respect for my brother, i called her.What a huge mistake that was. I should have went with my intuition.

She talked for a few minutes starting with a thinly disguised apology ("i am sorry that i made a bad choice. I should have rode with your mom...) then came the excuse ("but i have been having alot of problems and i did try to come but got lost and...blah ,blah, blah...) and then came the bait(" and you sent me a message on facebook about how mercedes would be disappointed if i didnt come since she helped with the shower, and i dont think that should be held over my head.I shouldnt feel pressured like that.")I had a feeling something was up.

So, i said nothing while she talked until she finally said"are you there?" i said yeah...she went on a bit about that until i finally had to interupt and say something. I told her she should have that held over her..."why should i??" i said "because you need to feel some sense of obligation to this family for a change..." i went on to explain how she had stood me up all those times and she kept trying to interrupt apparently ( i couldnt tell because , as you know, when on a cell phone the speaker cant hear the other one til he or she stops talking)even so, when she did get through all it was was more excuses. I was so pissed ,i didnt start this, and i wasnt about let her off the hook this time.

I had tried to avoid her and let things go-AGAIN.

But lo & behold ( little manipulater that she still is ) she had put me on speaker phone so my brother got to hear me defending myself(her plan all along) and having been marinated in self pity by this girl for a week & 1/2 ("poor me..booo hoo hooo...everyone treats me like a child because im young...boo hoo hoo")he jumps down my throat and starts accusing me of talking to her like she a child, and "not letting her get a word in edge-wise".It ended up he gave the phone back to her, i sat & listened to her bullshit quietly for another 10 minutes, so as not to "interupt" her or offend my brother and then i just calmly stated that i appreciate her apology, i love them both & had to get going.I was FURIOUS.But i held back.....I fumed about the total absurdity of it all.And so far today have thought of little else. The only thing i did today was send a very brief message to my brother via email that i would "no longer be a part of this equation . Hakuna matata and remember i love you". that's it . 3 lines . no accusations, no excuses, no nothin'.

i am just sick, sick, sick of it all.

He may not see what is going on here but i sure as hell do. I know her game and i refuse to play . She 's like the little pup who runs after the mailman and bites his ankle then runs back to the porch to hide behind the Big dog.Its an age old game of the immature.Get the boyfriend to sympathize with you, turn him against his family, and then you dont have to compete with them for attention.I know it because i used to do it.

Until i grew up.

Anyway, i wash my hands of the both of them.They seem to deserve each other.I no longer trust her at all, so why bother? i refuse to be blackmailed ."If i dont get my way, then you cant see the baby."I'm not a pawn.maybe she can pull that malarky on some people, but i just chose to walk away. If i didnt think of her as a child before, she has certainly proven it now.

If you chose to pick a fight, you ought to be ready for a few punches .After all, adults fight their own battles, and speak for themselves.

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