Friday, December 31, 2010

The Health Food Gene Rebels!

Last night i had another realization.
Unlike the majority of the population, i have been unfairly cursed.
Why is it that almost everyone i know can eat like crap day after day & be fine!!!But let me try it and i feel like a truck ran over me, backed up, and ran over me again!
See, i got away with eating a few slices of frozen pizza weds. night (sneaking off to a corner & chuckling with glee). So i figured, why not push it?
Out at the strip mall last night i decided to eat a burger. Bad decision.Half way through it i doubled over in pain. I could barely walk and within a few minutes & lasting for hours i had chest pain, jaw pain, left arm pain...i took an aspirin right away as sooon as i got home because i seriously thought i might be having a heart attack!
Most of the pain went away before 10pm, as long as i stayed lying down in bed. Getting up , i walked hunched over...still had gut pain which woke me from a dead sleep ,and making me sit for a very long time sweating, & heaving.I dont feel great this morning either.
But i guess i lived through the night.
Geeze, guess its back to pumpkin seeds and rice cakes.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Matthew 6:3&4

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be done in secret. Then the Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

This is a hard one for so many people (including myself). A lot of the time, i really want the person to know i gave to them. It is a hard task to keep it to myself & to give in such a way that the person doesnt know or cannot find out. It works my mind in circles trying to examine my heart for all possible attempts by my self-centered ego to get credit. Here are some of the ways i have caught myself:

-when i tithe, in order to get the tax credit, i use a check.In this way, i know that "someone" at my church knows that we give and how much.I struggle with this because the amount we give is as the Lord has commanded and amounts to a good bit back on our return.I continue to struggle in this area.
-if i give by mail or in an anonymous card/envelope, i know that if i write a blessing or greeting in it , even without signing my name, that the person may recognize my handwriting and credit would go to me , & not to the Father.
-i used to just hand an envelope to someone in need, but this one is so obvious.
-at other times i would give the money to someone else who knew the person and make them promise NOT to tell them who it was from. Of course, then 2 persons potentially would credit me for the gift.

It is really hard to be creative enough to get around the ego.The ego is extremely sneaky and will try to justify everything!I have even driven around looking for complete strangers to give gift cards to, looking for those who look homeless or needy. I figure they don't know me, i don't know them. Once i was on a back road & stop to hand one to a man walking alone. He was indignant about it & stated "do you know who i am?i have a huge stone house & 4 corvettes sitting in my driveway. I live in------- so if you ever drive by it you will know who you gave this to."I hope if he was'nt lieing that, since he was so wealthy , he at least paid it forward.I can't lie either. This event shook me and now i question myself when i am thinking of giving something "will this person be offended?".

Either way, i DO try.

Nowadays, i look at all the angles. I give cash at church if there's an additional offering taken or put a gift card in the basket. I send gift cards instead of a check, and i don't put a return address. I figure i am putting it in the Lords care, so if it gets lost in delivery He is putting it to use elsewhere.Praying before sending is a MUST!!!
Using money orders is good or dropping the envelope on a desk or in a mailbox when you are SURE no one is looking is also good.

Ultimately , i examine my heart and do my best to be truthful with myself.If there is anyway the Lord doesnt get the credit, and i get any credit, i keep turning over alternatives.
Once in a very very great while it is impossible to do it anonymously.But i always make it very very clear that God enabled the gift not me.

Hope you will all read your bibles version of this verse and act accordingly.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Luke 6:38

ok then...let's get started!
first i must apologize that some of the listed verses were incorrect. but we will get to them as we go. i have chosen probably the most famous of all quoted verses about giving as the first one i will be discussing. At least, one of the most famous....

Luke 6:38
"Give , and it will be given to you. A good measure , pressed down, shaken together and running over will be poured into your lap."

The reason i go here first is related to some of the ways i have looked at it over the years.
beginning with my first encounter with it.

I, most likely along with most people, used to believe that this meant that if i give, i would double or triple my money back. Or at least be blessed accordingly because at one time i believed that God would bless me based on me blessing someone else. That he would bless me in the here and now.
For instance, if i gave tithe at church, i'd get a 10 or 20% return on that investment somewhere in my finances.


God says we are not saved by our works.And giving just to get back is a work of the flesh.
It has been my experience that God gives when he is darn good & ready and it has nothing to do with anything we have done. It is by His grace that we receive and according to His will & purpose.

So then i believed that God was somehow up there counting it all out, metering & doling out to everyone according to thier level of giving.So i tried to give extra and bless people with materials other than money so that i could save up in my "Godly" account for later, when i went to be with the Lord.

Sorry, but again, it doesnt work that way. He gives because of who He is, not because of who we are or what we do.

Now i believe this verse has a much deeper meaning. I believe that we need to look at how we "come out in the wash" when we give to others. In other words, how we "feel" afterwards.
I personally know that when i make someones day by paying their toll ahead of them, i feel a bit lighter the rest of my trip, which encourages me to try it again & again.And wierdly enough, when you give over & over again like that, it doesnt get old or boring the more you do it. In fact, it is a bit like addiction, but you feel increasingly better as your need grows.The more i do it, the easier it gets, the more i want to give and the better i feel.

So if i take the small amount i started with,pressed it down, shake it together - the amount of return begins to run over and the blessing is poured out into my lap- all without my bank account having increased once!In fact, even if my account runs a little lower, i have never been unable to pay my bills or feed my family because of giving.

This , to me, is proof that God takes care of us, no matter what, if we have faith and obey.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Explaining the New Purpose

so, i am not giving gifts this year...
after explaining that i plan on this year being the year of giving....
How does THAT make sense you ask?
well, i'm glad you asked!!!

i will take this opportunity to explain-

First note that i have found 10 verses in the Bible that speak to giving:
Matthew 6:8,10:8, 10:42
Luke 6:38
acts 20:35
Romans 12:8
2 colossians 8:7,9:7
psalms 18:16
proverbs 28:27

i am sure there are many more! In the next few posts i intend to delve "briefly" into each verse to give an example of how i will be using to fulfill my promise & goal.
But let me assure you , my posts will not be sermons, lectures or analysis of scripture. Just pure intention from my heart.
I hope i need not remind anyone that giving does not mean extravagance , it does not always pertain to money, and a gift is only real if it lifts someone else up, not just makes YOU feel good about being able to give it!

In that vein, i will leave you- hopefully thirsty for more.But if this isnt your cup of tea, switch to water,- and continue in your boring ,average, unflexible way of thinking!
Hope to see ya soon!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

There's a Suprise at the End of this Post!!

OK..i went back again to look at allllll those old blog posts & find myself asking once again-who ami i?who is this stranger that started posting on here back in august of '08, to the tune of yoga & self bliss, wanting less & desiring to be all out vulnerable & open as a "student of life"?
well, here i's me disguise.
So i need a sum -it-all-up session and you get to be the lucky dogs i unleash to!yay!
i noticed that i have done a year in review each year and this year will be no exception. In fact, today i came to a conclusion. each of the years hence i had a theme:
2008- year of people(putting people first-not things)
2009-year of doing(spending time with others)
201o- year of the career(self explanatory, and not a pleasant task)
so, in light of all things wonderful and ultimately revealing- drum roll ,please!
this year i have decided on my theme.
2011- the year of giving!
i will be giving til it affects my lifestyle.i'm commited to it and ,as i believe i mentioned before, it starts with appreciating the simple thimgs in life -a la "wanting less" and FINALLY i have gotten my family to accept the NO GIFT Christmas- at least at our house.My annual family dinner is this Saturday, i sent the invites and made a statement to please not bring gifts (unless they are homemade) as we will not be giving any. And i have some suprises in store for all. i'll post how it went after Saturday, but i am buzzing with excitement!

I can post one gift i am giving on here because i just did it & that person doesnt use the internet.
Ta-da! Here he is~hope you recognize Him!
And a good night to all!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The "Moving Forward" Club

It's like the Stepford Wives.
In the past few weeks i 've had a mounting suspicion that my agency has been taken over by a strange force of nature .....
I first noticed it while sitting in our one office in the conference area , in between teaching classes. The doors around me were closed, but a few have glass panes that can be seen through. And by no stretch of the imagination are these rooms sound proof. So, I was not eavesdropping.
In fact, i was minding my own business when...
At first i heard the voice of one of our new "CEO's" get a bit stronger & louder. I looked up to discover the source and noted that he was speaking to an employee. I knew this person vaguely from a previous CNA class. I could hear one phrase being stated over & over by the CEO as the person (apparently ) was trying to defend themselves(i think).
"Moving forward..."
"Moving forward...."
Okay.Not too weird, yet.
Then i got a chance to meet the new CEO's who've ascended on our local offices in the last two months or so, including the aforementioned, in a private meeting concerning my role with the company. He & his fellow CEO's used it several times in that 1 hour.
Finally ,after a few weeks (& as i got a bit more comfortable with him in conversation-he really is a nice guy), he did my employee evaluation . Again, he used the phrase,& I just HAD to ask.
He swore it wasnt part of some company scheme, or a course they all took -moving forward 101- and he even laughed when i told him his colleague used it in a private, separate conversation with me, apparently astounded that they thought so much alike.
Okay...getting a little weirder, but i didnt really know these people for very long so maybe they just all ate the same batch of bad sushi or something .
But then.....(!)
Just this past week, my very own Excelsior colleague and friend, whom i have known almost since starting with the agency....someone whom i've studied with, worked along side, and shared personal stories and a lunch or two with....
Well, let it just be said, as I heard the phrase coming out of her mouth my whole world just sort of got foggy and blurry for a few minutes.It was as if i was in a time warp , or in an episode of The Body Snatchers.I could'nt comprehend it. I could barely breathe. So , of course, i couldnt ask her.
Geeze, i'm dramatic,huh?
Anyway, i have to admit she actually said "going forward" but used a sweep of her hand to emphasize it, in much the same manner as the others. It's creepy.
From now on, i'll be watching.I'll be on my guard, too.
They're not gonna get ME!Bwaahahaha!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Crammin' it All in..

Well, i finally got through that awful shift at the hospital last night. It was my first one in a month. It was all that it promised & more. I was pretty much ok till at 630 (15 minutes to report- when we are all trying to wrap up labs, final charting, and chart checks, etc) i get a list of new orders related to a critical lab on one of my patients.It is pretty overwhelming to have to administer stat meds and get ready for report to 4 different nurses & 5 patients at the same time.
Anyway, it was just as before...on my way home my minds wheels were spinning furiously thinking of all the mistakes i probably made , all the things i didnt get done, all the things i could be wrote up for, and the unrealistic expectations. The worst part is the risk involved. I now know that i could not be a travel nurse in the hospital setting. I need to know my patients, know their meds & side effects, be able to actually "care" for them instead of completing tasks and caring for the paperwork.
Be that as it may - i now have 3 DAYS OFF!
I will be painting, cleaning, organizing, and planning...unless God tells me differently.
My office needs a good sweep (there's dried egg yolk on the spot beside me at the desk as i write).
My family christmas dinner is the 11th, so deep cleaning is probably a good idea.I didnt get to do much painting in the past week, but i am working on 3 paintings that i believe are very good.
I have advertised on Facebook the paintings i am selling (very cheaply!) to raise money for my missions was an after thought & i dont expect to really sell any, but i dont mind either way.
My husband suprised me last week with several wonderful canvasses ,and a giant acrylic/plaster work of an elephant that i have been eyeing for a year...i love it! I don't deserve the love Hubbs shows me..i really don't...
Ok , well there's my update...I need to get myself together for the day.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

In Reference To

turkey day! yay! cannot wait to eat at my moms, see my family and make mery! Hope ya'll have a good one!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Amature Night

I soon hope to add"amatuer producer & actress " to my resume...check out the clip of the video i made for vent training class!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

As Promised

Ok, i know this is the 4th post in a row which includes pictures, but i usually limit them to 4, and i have previously promised to post recent paintings i have done.The first one here is actually the last one and it is done on "sustainable/green" media!I had run out of canvasses and working part time cannot afford to buys more. So i searched my home for a cheap or free medium to use in the meantime. I was about to give up & even went to the $ store & purchased 8 poster boards (2/$1.00) as a last resort...I have become obsessive about painting as of late). I decided to give one last look around the house and viola! In the back corner of my basement i found a whole box of drop ceiling tile we had left over from our previous home in Gettysburg that would never have been used for anything else. Quite possibly would have been pitched this spring when we will clean the basement.So now i have plenty of surfaces to paint!By the way though, the one here has been since painted over, i wasnt happy with it...and now have an even better one to post at a later date. Interestingly enough, i started posting my canvasses on Facebook and immediately had 3 people ask if i was interested in selling any of them..Weird. No name for the one above here, just a random experiment with my first piece of tile.It exists no more. The tile is quite absorbant and it takes a few coats to get the surface ready to accept paint similarly to canvas. I am experimenting with some sealers i have on hand to see if i can prevent that.
My rendition of a painting i saw on a wall in some home decorating magazine. No artist name was given..mine is slightly different, too.

This is called "They are still waiting"...3 ghosts watching at the window for a loved one.You have to look very close for two of them.

And finally "Rainbow Wave"...

Monday, November 8, 2010


this past fri & sat. i visited my friend in Tennesse. She used to work with me as a nurse through the same agency and at another facility. She is due December 8th.Her house is located on a river in Surgoinsville. We mostly just went shopping and ate out for every meal since she didnt have any food in the house. She is till working and gets groceries only for herself as needed since her husband is always working away from home for months at a time.Very pretty this time of year there, even milder than PA. This is the bridge right outside her door
She has a brook on her property as well.

Even pregnant and with her husband away she takes care of 3 pigs and 3 Pitbull dogs by herself on their little farm property.

I look really old in this picture!ugh the crow's feet!Help!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

O Frabjus day!

I couldnt resist the changing foliage any longer! it was such a nice brisk day , so i decided to walk off my wine hangover from last nights Girls Night .... An interesting building/barn
Such pretty colors

A babbling stream

Ahhhh....i wish i lived on this road.
Especially after last night. While i like most of my neighbors i'm really peeved at most of them right now. I invited over 20 people, including all the 13 girls from Bunco...only 3 showed up. Several others had originally said yes, then cancelled at the last minute ("I'm sick..cough cough"). A few more said they were just going to stay home that night and spend time with their kids. Funny, but trick or treat is tonight. Wouldnt THAT be the night to spend with your kids? Well, if they think I'm gonna hand out candy to those kids tonight, they have another thing coming.
At any rate, 4 of the girls from my church did show and one nieghbor brought a freind so we had 8. It was still fun, but too much wine & margaritas makes for a nasty morning...
Heading outdoors was just what i needed. I also spent some time painting today & will be posting some new art soon...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


I spoke to my new supervisor at the agency yesterday. Appparently they want me to focus just on teaching classes.I am so grateful & feel so blessed to have this opportunity! Praise God!
I have felt for a while now that this is what i want to do- teach.I never feel like it's work. so , in addition to teaching the cna cass, pedia prep, and the trach & vent class, they also want me to do the CPR classes. That is awesome! I have to get my certification, but that isnt too hard.
Hopefully i will have plenty of hours between the 4 branches & 4 classes. I am again considering going back to school to get my bachelors & masters. Then i can eventually be a nurse educator. I'm feeling more & more like all this is leading somewhere.
My proposal was as follows:
1. i want a job description in writing, including title, expectations, and time commitment.
2. i can give 3 days per week -10-12 hours per day as needed
3.i want to be in charge of scheduling the classes, calling the employees, and putting together the material
4. i insist on doing one homecare shift per month to stay current & in touch with the community i am teaching about- the client & their equipment, treatments , and family, and also the nursing staff.
The supervisor said we will have to make up the job description ourselves. The CEO had mentioned at a meeting that i should be focused on staff development, so i figure this will be a good tiltle for me.
I am praying for Gods will in all of this .

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A New Chance

I did it. Gave my boss notice and decided to stay on as a PRN only employee- which means only 3-6 shifts every 6weeks!!Today is my last scheduled shift! I have been contemplating some new goals for the next phase of my plan andhave decided on at least the following:

1. I am having a girls night get together on the 30th since i havent had a gathering here at home in awhile.
2. I am going on a missions trip to St. Lucia in Feb. with my church. Already gave the down payment and got my passport renewed today.
3.I will only be working about 3 days a week for a few months. As of friday this week i will be paid up til January with my mortgage and i have over 7,000 saved for emergencies. I will only need to make about 250 a week to get by. This will include groceries, gas, hair & tanning and my cell phone.
4. In January i will start putting in applications at some other nursing jobs.Having kept a relationship with the Hospital as a PRN, i will be able to have a decent reference.
5.I am back at the gym 4 days per week...looking into a yoga class for one of those days.
6.I am recomitting to this blog. I have been very lax and want to spend a few minutes every 2 or 3 days at least posting again!

I am processing some other plans & thoughts, one of which is my new year goals. I know that this years focus will be "giving back", starting with my Christmas dinner. I am committed to giving no gifts this year, except a family dinner and some home-made items.I will be asking that no gifts be given unless they are hand or home-made in return.My gift to all will be my offer of service for the coming year--the gift of time & love, which is always in such short supply.

In honor of my changes, i am changing my profile pic...gotta love the option to "evolve"!!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Just an update

i still have not told my boss i am giving 2 weeks notice. Everytime i decide "I am gonna do it this time"...something goes wrong. Like the last time when she was terribly forgiving about soemthing i should have gotten in trouble for ...i wanted to use the set-up as an openeing for my resignation...but , how do you stand there after someone says"oh dont worry about it, you're not in any trouble" and say "Oh, by the way, I'm quitting"?
My grandfather is in the hospital right now and things arent looking good....vomiting blood, etc. My prayers are for his pain and the comfort of my mom & her sisters at this time, They are the ones on the front line.I just hope they will be able to tell my grandmother (at a nursing home) before he passes so she will not be offended or shocked that they hadnt told her...but i'm sure it will work out.I wasnt as close to my Pop pop as my brother, but when my me-mom is passing i will be with her more...she helped to raise me when i was small as i was the first grandchild. We were very close until i got into my teen years.
I started back at the gym this week (2 nights) after about a 2 month hiatus. Boy do i ache today!
But it will all be worth it to lose those 5-7 lbs i gained on vacation and to get some muscle definition back.
Well, i gotta get my day started...lots of cleaning & organizing to do....

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I just Have to Do it, I guess

I am such a chicken...i am terrified to tell my boss i am giving 2 weeks notice at the hospital..i know there are many sayings reguarding this:
1, There is nothing to fear but fear itself
2.FEAR= false expectations appearing real

and many others...cant think right now....but never-the-less i must summon the courage. Maybe i am afraid my other job will fall through & i won't be able to find work, i don't know..

Either way, i am in purgatory right now...

Monday, September 27, 2010

Back To Hades

Yup, home crap home...

I was practically on the verge of being physically ill from having to leave my real home, the beach.Imagine my suprise when upon returning home, the closer i got the worse it got. First, after i pulled into a store to use their bathroom, i returned to my vehicle to find that my never failing GPS system had failed...with me being stuck in the middle of i -dont-know-where. Luckily i was able to meet up with Hubbs about 30 minutes down the road to follow that nice new truck of his home. Then, arriving home 4 hours later than expected, at 9 pm..i start going through the stack of mail. Apparently my ezpass also failed at one of the tolls. A fine was issued.

Ok, i can take care of that.and that.

This morning (we'll nicely call it "the morning after") i find that a whole lotta people up here are sick from various ailments.After my little healthful sojourn, i return to a festering pit of .....nevermind.

To top it off i get a call on my way to a hectic 12 hour day letting me know that my grandfather is being taken to the hospital.

yes, truly home is where the heart is.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Too much wine!

Suddenly i realize that even though i've been on vacation for a week or so and havent blogged at all!I really have been trying to have some spiritual experience or divine revelation about things but it's just not happening. Maybe it's all the wine i've been drinking....haha....but really, it's not more drinking the rest of the week for me.I'm pretty hung over this morning.

I suppose i will post some pics so they can tell the vacation story!

Monday, September 13, 2010


The sun, the sand & two weeks to be or not to be?????

Monday, September 6, 2010

Call of the Wild

My one & only daughter got married this weekend. Now she & hers are whirlwinding off for their honey moon in the lovely region of Punta Cana , Dominican Republic.With such a bittersweet event( a mother cries and sings softly in her soul) I also have constantly had quiet whispers of truth saturating my ears like that underlying static of AM radio.
I wonder at the fact that we keep our children safe in our womb and protect them through life as best we know how.While there's a million books, a trillion passed on traditions, and probably even more advice given by well meaning,but overbearing family & freinds...something here has gotten overlooked. It's the buzz of a bee in the nearby hive,the scratching of a leaf blowing along a sidewalk, the quiver of sudden unexpected silence. It is , as i stated, quiet, and easily ignored truth.
I'm not speaking to the truth of marriage and i fear here that i have veered from the point a bit. And even though i have wed thrice, i am in no way in a position to wax poetic on the reality of planning a life together or even enduring one another.
What has spoken to me is global, and the Dominican Republic is just a trigger on a silent, but smoking gun.
I wonder , as many couples are whisked off in wedded bliss to exotic locales to relax in the sun and swoon in newlywed bliss, if many consider the probable poverty and lack of adequate resources the area outside of resort "walls" lives with each and everyday.I wonder if they know how equally important to that economy their tourism is, as well as how demeaning to local residents...who may or may not, by this constant daily way of life, have become desensitized to. Or if couples ever even get to see (or try to avoid) the standard of health in close by communitiies.
How is the water supply? what is the current local wages? How many resort workers get paid less per year than we , in the U.S. get paid in a week? And because of a lack of education, birth control, and government aid are trying to raise a family of 5, 6 or more on that wage?
I wonder, even as i understand a desire to turn a blind eye to their circumstances, so as to enjoy the "once in a lifetime" of a honeymoon, how many would take a year of their lives to live & work the other side of the equation...another once in a lifetime, and possibly a life of only time and no hope.
In the Dominican republic alone 75 % of health care expenses are paid out of pocket,only 69% of routine immunizations were funded by the government in recent years,and only 50%of pregnant
women with HIV receive antiviral meds.Tb is the highest of prevalence there in all the Americas and Malaria is the highest risk epidemic in the country, even in resort towns.HIV, pneumonia, and diarrhea are the most frequent cause of death of kids under 5.
In our country we cannot even conceive of this type of standard.
Is there something to be done? or nothing at all?
Is there just me , here, wondering at it all, paralyzed and unchanging ?or can i make a leap of faith i have been called to do for quite sometime, but have been afraid to do...because of family, because of stubborness,fear of the unknown, wanting to keep my comforts?
I have felt God leading me somewhere lo these past many years as my life changed so drastically without a pre-emptive warning.I have been in confusion, saying to myself"is that you God, or me just talking to myself?"I have found every way of reasoning how unreasonable it would be for me to dive into such a task. And yet, with every corner i turn, i find more evidence of a calling on my life.
I have spoken out loud and in prayer. I have commited to a change of ways, only to fail , only to find my old weaknesses grasping my by the ankles, pulling me down.
And in spite of so much joy, and hope, and love, and expectation for my daughter and her life ahead...that buzzing, scratching, and quivering static ne'er does cease.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Skinny Cat

Really need more time in a day, i just dont get to blog like i want.
Things are moving along for the wedding, my daughter really has put alot into it!It's such a shame her dad's family are acting like babies. What kind of family abandons you when you are just getting married?
Anyway, newsflash....just got my skinny cat back last night & she was really sick and much skinnier since her stint at living with my son & his dad. Hubbs took her to the vet straight away. But today she looks much better. She lost 1/4 of her body wieght & needs to gain some. So far the vet says she doesnt have intestinal parasites, but we are waiting for bloodwork. I was very angry with my son, but now i think her symtoms may have been mostly stress related, and also related to the fact that their household is a smoking one....they really dont air it out, either. So far, she & the fat cat are not speaking except to growl & hiss. I hope they grow used to each other again before vacation.
Well, gotta run!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Unexpected Compassion

Wow...its been awhile since i blogged . In the meantime i have kept very busy with work.I was really hoping to be cancelled tonight but no such luck.oh well....counting tonight only 6 more shifts at the hospital before vacation. I still have lots of other work with the agency though.
I have been meaning to blog about a patient who has quite gotten under my skin...strangely enough ,he is the most unlikely candidate to do this.
He is an HIV positive patient.
I would have thought that i would have had such an aversion to someone with that diagnosis (unless it was a child).In fact, as far as children, i have always wanted to work with kids who have AIDS.They are truly innocent victims of the virus. My heart aches for them.
In addition to this diagnosis, and all that comes with it (he has had it for many many years) he recently took a tumble which made him and instant quadriplegic.
When he first came to us he was more than annoying...a self professed "Queen" he was demanding and a constant complainer. Everything had to be just so and he was on the call bell constantly.But over the time he has been there i have frequently been his nurse and i have become compassionate towards him and have even grown to care deeply for his situation.
Many mornings & evenings i have shed tears for him.
He is a vibrant , outgoing and as i have listened to his family members conversate with him i have been astonished at the love he has around him. But most of all what changed my mind about him was finding out that he raised his neice.He has a kind heart underneath of the sometimes rebellious behavior he exhibits.And, to be honest, who amongst us would not be angry and depressed about unexpectedly & suddenly nt being able to move from the neck down.
I believe many of us would be demanding, bitter, and unable to comprehend being dealt such a blow.
At any rate i do believe that his recent symtoms are suggesting he is moving into full blown AIDS. It is unclear whether his family is aware of this diagnosis. So it is doubly hard when we are asked questions about why he is having certain symptoms. All i can say is i will continue to pray and do my best for him as long as i am allowed and he is with us.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

More or Less

Somehow these days i seem to have more work and less time.How does this happen as we strive to attain simplicity in our lives? i fear that , in my case, i have fallen into covering a sense of loneliness related to my husbands work hours by keeping myself as busy as possible. Additionally, i get guilted into doing extra work because there is such a shortage in all areas of the nursing field. I am sure most nurse can relate.
Somehow, i am still making time to go to the gym 2-3 times a week (although this is a decrease from my previous fitness schedule) and most people i talk to cant believe i have time to do this while also juggling 3 jobs. I tell them it's a matter of discipline, but mostly a great need for stress relief/ "me" time.
Additionally i make time for my spiritual self. I enable myself to do this by listening to cd books while driving and alternating the breif period s of reading time i have before bed with several faith based books,various bible versions, and a fiction read( for a break).It isnt easy, but i try. Most of my prayers are in the car.I am currently studying in the Septugant & Apocrypha versions containing the original Greek.For those of you who do not know what this is, it is the earlist version of the bible ,written in 285-247 B.C.,by 70 Jewish scholars-the Greek translation of the old testament,and the historical records of the intertestamental period(between the old & new testament). The most interesting & best thing about the direct translation is the different wording from King James and the NIV. For Genesis 1 :6 "And God said ,Let there be a firmament in the midst of the water, and let it be a division between water and water,and it was so." Eve is called "Living".And there is a whole section before Ecclesiasticus(Not spelled Ecclesaistes!) called line states "But thy sons not the very teeth of venomous dragons overcame:for thy mercy was by them, and healed them."Ahhhh , so beautiful the language! Why did we ever translate this to our dull wordly versions!???
This leaves a little time to do housework & cook, so i have my husband do a few things here & there, which fortunately, he's pretty good about- although i have to ask if it's anything besides laundry or putting away the dishes. UN-fortunately he does not cook for me.Ever.
My new favorite to listen to via Cd is Beth Moore who has done a great study on Daniel, and Esther. Her Current CD study is called "Believing God".
Well, i better go. Gotta nap before work..and its's starting to thunder out there!

Saturday, July 24, 2010


So still have until july 31st til i have a day off....cannot wait! I have 3 countdowns going on right now:
1. My daughter's wedding is Sept . 4th
2.My vacation starts Sept. 12th
3.My plan for quitting the hospital goes into effect in November( the plan is to start applying places on my 1 year anniversary...then when i get a suitable offer, i'll give notice)

Interestingly, my office manager has re-offered the Clinical Manager job to me twice in the last week...both times i turned it down. Everytime i go into the office , everyone is so tense & stressed out. My one friend Sandy(who graduated the same time i did from RN school, from the same program) has been doing the job since November. I have watched her go from fairly quiet and calm to completely stressed! She told me at one point a few months a go that she & her husband were divorcing. Also she has said she's gained some weight and the office staff says she's back to smoking again(occasionally)..i know she quit many years ago. So what's all that tell ya?
I know one thing for sure...i want an 8 hr a day , day shift more than 40-48 hrs per week. And i want better pay than what i'm getting. I figure i have some experience now & have had my RN license for a year already. I've noticed some travel nurse jobs located out of state(many in texas, but some in Hawaii even) that only require one year of hospital experience.Hmmm.....
I have some other plans too...want to get back to Ladies Bible Study & also Yoga classes. I think i felt truly better the year i had both of these in my life....something about balance i guess.
Well, gotta gets goin'...toodle-oo!

Thursday, July 15, 2010


My, my...feels like forever since i posted. Of course i have been working alot as usual.i am soon ready to go in for a 12 at the hospital , after getting up at 6:30 am to open a case for the agency. I have also been asked to work a few home care shifts, which i accepted , at the end of the month..havent done them since November, but a lot of nurses are off for vacation so i am trying to help out. My own vacation cant come soon enough....i have been looking at pictures of the ocean, fantasizing about sitting on the beach and thinking about the wine i am going to imbibe while there. My mom & step dad will be joining us again , as well as the in laws for a few days. I invited my brother & his brood, but i doubt they will make it.
There's still a large new truck sitting in my driveway that i am trying to ignore. But as long as it's there i am going to have the hubster move the rest of my sons things out & take them to his place. Might as well get something out of the thing.
Not much else to write about..still going to the gym, not doing housework or cooking much, and trying to sleep as much as until another time.....adios!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Crankin' it Out

Feeling a little yucky today. Not really sure why.Perhaps it is because i had to go in to the hospital during the day today & put in a few hours finishing up my orientation packet that should have been done by the end of Feb. My manager put it in my mailbox on June 25th with a note that somehow she hadnt noticed since then that lots of stuff wasnt completed and i only had til July 6th to do it. I really wish she had told me this way before the 25th since i had already been scheduled with the agency til the end of the month and the other days to work at the hospital night shift. The things that needed done had to be done during the day on weekdays which left today & it is technically a holiday. But i took a chance that pt, st, & ot would be there & thank goodness they were.
But aside from that i am irrationally cranky. I feel like i have indigestion or am constipated or both . And my nerves are on edge for some reason. I was extra tired when i got home so i tried to nap for 2 hours unsuccessfully.
My son is due to come at 5p to collect the last of his things. I am sure that has something to do with my mood. Along with the fact that i cant get any banking done and the tanning salon is closed. i am getting pale & now will have to build up that base tan again.
On a more positive note, Hubbs actually took off work last night and we went to the island to see the fireworks. It was very nice, but a bit crowded .
It's pretty hot today outside & later i'll be heading to the gym. I went 4 times last week but 2 of those days were just abs & cardio.So i gotta lift tonight.I cant even get in the whirlpool though cause it's that time of the month. Geeze, why do women have to go through these things. I'm starting to think this is all leading to that menopause thing...sigh....

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Photo Updates

The Mad Hatter's Tea Party(Bridal Shower)-I found this chest at an antique shop in pretty rough condition. I stripped the old paint, replaced the feet and re-stained it to go with my daughter's bedroom set. I filled it with hope chest items. This is one of the table settings at the shower. It took 2 months of going to thrift shopes , rescue missions, yard sales & a flea market to gather all the mismatched teacup & saucer sets!

This is a pic of my cutie-pie neice -about 9 months old !!!

And finally -My gorgeous daughter in her wedding dress(first fitting)

Aint she sweet??

Trying to get outside today, i did my grocery shopping late last night(10pm) , slept well overnight and was up at 9:30 to clean house, do a bit of shopping, and prepare a picnic lunch for myself & hubbs.Whenever he wakes up i plan for us to go on a long walk , have a picnic lunch, play a game of trivial pursuit, then perhaps sit on the front porch sippin some wine. Sounds like a perfect day to me!

Friday, July 2, 2010

All is Well with my Soul

Somewhere out there in the universe, there is a God:
- who loves me even when i am imperfect
-who takes care of all my worries
-who doesnt laugh at me or get frustrated when i lock my keys in my locker
- who doesnt steal my money to buy a new truck
-who gives me the grace to forgive
- who helps me hold my tongue(even though i fight Him on this all the time!)
- who keeps me warm from the inside out
- who loves my children more than i do
and who provides for my every need!
Thank you God for your Mercy on my soul, for your son Jesus without whom i would not have hope, and for all of your promises.
For you will never leave me or forsake me.You will always be with me , even to the end of the age!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Go Away Little Girl

Ok NOW i have something to blog about.

Let me start at the beginning. You may remember a few years back when i started this blog that my brother had been lied to and manipulated by a girl half his age about being pregnant to him.She kept up the lie as long as she could , still sleeping with him all the while,with the plan of becoming pregnant.When she did manage to get pregnant, my brother found out she had been lying to him all along. But in spite of it all , he didnt walk out on his obligation. He said he wasnt going to let her move in, then he wasnt going to let her move in until she had a job, then she just slowly moved in anyhow.The power of the vagina.

I was hesitant to trust this girl given how easily manipulation came to her , but she called me personally to apologize for her "bad choices" and so i gave her the benefit of the doubt, forgave her and accepted her.

I reached out to this girl time & time again, inviting her to Easter dinner, my kids graduation party,Christmas dinner(she actually showed up after dinner was over stayed for less than an hour and didnt smile or talk to anyone the whole time.I was really embarrasssed). My mother invited her to thanksgiving dinner, christmas dinner,etc.Each time there was some excuse. I even went out of my way and planned a baby shower for her and instead of having it here or somewhere else, i brought it to her.

When the baby was born , everyone came to the hospital to visit....including my daughter who didnt really even know her but had helped at the baby shower anyway.
After the baby was born i stopped over many times bringing gifts and visiting .Even when it was my day off or out of my way.
After she got her license back, and the baby had gotten older, i figured things would change.
In the past few months i called her and scheduled a time with her on 3 different occasions for her to bring my niece over here . The time i took her by herself for a few hours she cried the whole time. I figured i was just a stranger to her, and she needed to be with her mom at my house a few times so she got used to me.

Anyway, all three times i never got a phone call , she never showed up and when i called her she gave me some excuse why she didnt make it.

Soooo, we invited her to yet another family function , my daughters bridal shower. Right away the excuses began.
She had a marathon to run that day(even though she hadnt practiced running at all but for a few times, and is a smoker).
Then it was that she had her kids that weekend.When we asked if her mom could watch them for a few hours she said that would work.
Then she stated she didnt know how to get there. So my mom offered her a ride. She agreed at first , then complained that she didnt want to get to my moms at the time she needed to meet her because it was "too early".
She said she could drive herself , asked me to text her the address(i did) and my mom called her on the night before to ask what she got as a gift -she hadnt even gone to get one yet.

Suprise, suprise the next day she didnt show and kept sending blank texts from her cell phone acting like she was lost.She never called anyone til a day or two later she called my daughter and apologized.She then told her she had her gift and my daugter could come over to HER house to get it whenever she wanted.My daughter (and i told her to do this just to prove my point) told her she would be welcome to come to HER house when it was convenient to drop the gift. She would even be willing to meet her close by so she wouldnt get lost.The girl said ok and made arrangements to come over the next day.

She stood my daughter up, stating that she had some kind of "drama" with her other daughters dad.

A week & 1/2 went by. I decided it wasnt worth it to call her or confront her. So i took the high road and let it go. However, and i am so grateful for this, my mom & daughter let her know that she owed me an apology .I had been the one after all , who put all the time & energy, not to mention money into that shower.

I get a voice mail from her last night saying she wants to talk about things. I texted her, trying to avoid a conversation, but she kept insisting so out of respect for my brother, i called her.What a huge mistake that was. I should have went with my intuition.

She talked for a few minutes starting with a thinly disguised apology ("i am sorry that i made a bad choice. I should have rode with your mom...) then came the excuse ("but i have been having alot of problems and i did try to come but got lost and...blah ,blah, blah...) and then came the bait(" and you sent me a message on facebook about how mercedes would be disappointed if i didnt come since she helped with the shower, and i dont think that should be held over my head.I shouldnt feel pressured like that.")I had a feeling something was up.

So, i said nothing while she talked until she finally said"are you there?" i said yeah...she went on a bit about that until i finally had to interupt and say something. I told her she should have that held over her..."why should i??" i said "because you need to feel some sense of obligation to this family for a change..." i went on to explain how she had stood me up all those times and she kept trying to interrupt apparently ( i couldnt tell because , as you know, when on a cell phone the speaker cant hear the other one til he or she stops talking)even so, when she did get through all it was was more excuses. I was so pissed ,i didnt start this, and i wasnt about let her off the hook this time.

I had tried to avoid her and let things go-AGAIN.

But lo & behold ( little manipulater that she still is ) she had put me on speaker phone so my brother got to hear me defending myself(her plan all along) and having been marinated in self pity by this girl for a week & 1/2 ("poor me..booo hoo hooo...everyone treats me like a child because im hoo hoo")he jumps down my throat and starts accusing me of talking to her like she a child, and "not letting her get a word in edge-wise".It ended up he gave the phone back to her, i sat & listened to her bullshit quietly for another 10 minutes, so as not to "interupt" her or offend my brother and then i just calmly stated that i appreciate her apology, i love them both & had to get going.I was FURIOUS.But i held back.....I fumed about the total absurdity of it all.And so far today have thought of little else. The only thing i did today was send a very brief message to my brother via email that i would "no longer be a part of this equation . Hakuna matata and remember i love you". that's it . 3 lines . no accusations, no excuses, no nothin'.

i am just sick, sick, sick of it all.

He may not see what is going on here but i sure as hell do. I know her game and i refuse to play . She 's like the little pup who runs after the mailman and bites his ankle then runs back to the porch to hide behind the Big dog.Its an age old game of the immature.Get the boyfriend to sympathize with you, turn him against his family, and then you dont have to compete with them for attention.I know it because i used to do it.

Until i grew up.

Anyway, i wash my hands of the both of them.They seem to deserve each other.I no longer trust her at all, so why bother? i refuse to be blackmailed ."If i dont get my way, then you cant see the baby."I'm not a pawn.maybe she can pull that malarky on some people, but i just chose to walk away. If i didnt think of her as a child before, she has certainly proven it now.

If you chose to pick a fight, you ought to be ready for a few punches .After all, adults fight their own battles, and speak for themselves.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Tired of Insomnia

I almost forgot about this blog! Imagine! Things have been so crazy and i havent been sleeping. Please excuse the short post but wanted to let all know i am still here. Just in survival mode at present....

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Too Darned Early!!

Awake this morning at 5 am...sigh!
Ths, after an entire week of hard work, stress and getting 3-4 hrs. of sleep per day. What is wrong with my internal sleep clock that makes me wake automatically after 3-4 hrs?
Yesterday, i met my daughter for her wedding dress "fitting". I previously never knew that this was something the mom attended. Plus, i never knew there was another "final" fitting two weeks prior to the event. I mean, it makes sense. But still. I guess when it comes to these small details, i am glad i decided to go to the magistrate the last two times.Especially when i heard the price of the alterations! After spending all that money on the dress! Geeze!
I did take some photos but did not have time to upload them.I think the next post will contain a few pics of the nursery progress. We had the floor installed last thurs. and it looks great! Next is the crib refinishing, mattress & linens, then curtains & shades , and a night stand. I might get a rocking chair, but it would have to be super comfortable.When that is complete i'll get a few wall ornaments , maybe some shelves , and whatever odds & ends i come up with.
Today i have a hair appointment, just in time for the bridal shower on Saturday. i will be so busy with preparations for that (including the finishing touches on the gifts) , teaching classes, and trying to clean my house i wont have many hours to myself.These next two weeks look pretty brutal on my calender.
Oh well, time for that hot tub!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Counting the Days

I cannot wait for vacation. Summer cannot go quickly enough for me, since my beach time will be in September.
After a whole week of hardly working any hours( due to being cancelled for two shifts at the hospital and no one showing up for a class Monday) i had to go back last night. And , boy, it was everything i had dreaded .First i was assigned 6 patients- the max. for night shift at our critical care facility.So I started getting report-only knew 3 of the 6,and then the charge nurse comes over & changes one of my assignments so the "other" nurse wouldnt have two new admits and be down 3 halls. Well, that was just ridiculous because she took away one patient i knew who was extremely easy, gave me a new admit with a higher acuity, and i was still down 3 halls. Plus i had one on a critical drip.I didnt get to pee until 1am, didnt start charting til after 2 am(finishing by 5am) and of course didnt sit down except for part of the charting while i ate my 7 minute lunch.In the morning, as i was running late, Human resources hands me a random drug screen paper which has to be done within 48 hours, then the nurse manager comes to me and says i gotta stay for a staff meeting as well.
So at 7:45 (mind you i am supposed to be off by 7:15-but that rarely happens) i had to stop everything, sit on the floor of for a 45 minute meeting, then go finish my I&O's, finish charting, and left at 9am.
From here i drove to the lab on the way home , took the pee test, and got home at 9:50.Into bed by 10 am.
Wonderfully enough and as usual, my brain started to curdle around my job somewhere about 2pm and woke me up .I couldnt stop the cycle of re-hashing my shift(also per usual) so at 3:15 i gave up & got out of bed.
This cycle will repeat for the next several days. I will get very little sleep and be miserable .Some of the things that irritate me are:
-I was the only one from nightshift made to stay for that meeting
-hence, i will now be responsible to pass along the information
-i cannot fathom why i had to sit for 45 minutes on the floor. Most of the information was new, butcould have been typed up & posted.
-I am sick of the "other" nurse complaining about her assignment . I wound up with a much higher acuity because of that last minute switch, and yet she still whined about it. To be honest, i the only good thing about the meeting this morning was to hear that she will be transferring out of there in July.
- There is another nurse i almost cant stand. Everytime i have to give her report on anyone she drills me and rolls her eyes as if she cant understand why i havent" scoured" the chart to find out why respiratory did something, why the patient didnt pee, when they got a red bottom, or what grandparent gave them the gene for their green eyes.....Geeze!Plus she speaks so fast with such a heavy accent i can barely understand her .I DREAD everytime i have to give her report.

After such a long blog (me- venting on my usual daily nursing crap) maybe you can understand why i dont post as much as i used to. This is my life, and it sucks at the moment.I would rather not constantly rant & rage about my disgust with the Hospital job so i try to save posts for better and brighter things. But since we have no tv right now(ugh- no CNN for me) i have to get online for the news.
You get the results of my extra online time- enjoy!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Political Hot Tub

Interesting ...
So, the other night, i go to the gym , where, as usual i get into the hot tub after my workout to relax( my reward & a motivation to get to the gym).i usually run into someone and strike up a conversation. Sometimes it's generic ("nice weather we're having") and sometimes it's a bit more intriguing.
Case in point...
I get into the hot tub friday evening and a guy i frequently see in there is present . He is Chinese , but very westernized with hardly any accent. He is VERY well built, 30ish i would guess, but the best thing about him is he can actually share in a good conversation. A pleasure to talk to. So, we start talking about the continued abuse of the American welfare system by certain ethnicities and the said ethnicities unwillingness to hold a job. Lots to say about this, but i digress.
It moves into a conversation about the new healthcare reform where, at this point another guy gets in the tub. He is probably in his twenties, very thin, and some type of oriental/asian descent- most likely Vietnamese from his features. He is listening intently to our conversation and soon joins in offering great views on everything from the current topic to the new immigration law mess in Arizona. I soon notice a guy over in the swimming pool looking over and occasionally tuning in, until HE comes over & gets in. This on is a bit chubby, darker skinned and is either of middle eastern descent or perhaps Greek.
Predicatably, after a few moments when the conversation has turned to 911, he begins to add to the conversation also....
My God, it was beautiful!
I felt like i was on CNN in a conversation room with each participant contributing their views and
and various facts, drifting easily from one topic of discussion to another . Let me tell you folks..i was in my heaven.
I live for stuff like this. I stayed in that tub for well over 45 minutes , sweat pouring of of me, alternately sitting on the edge and sitting neck down in water. I could hardly pull myself away. And on my way home it hit me.
This is what has been missing from my life for years. This is what thrills me, motivates me,gives me something to get out of bed for.
Intelligent conversation.
Opinion mixed with intellect -where the persons in the discussion BOTH (or all) actually have something valuable to add, give you something to chew on, agree with , debate , or just take in.It is such a rare find in my life to meet anyone who possess these traits.
So many people are hell bent on being average, neutral, bland. They are just people who go through the motions everyday. They dont ENGAGE with the world, or with others in any mentally stimulating way.I find that the majority of persons i meet or know , while they may have a sense of peace in their life, have nothing to offer in a conversation.
And i long for this.
Let's hear it for epiphanies!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Less is More, but not Always

When is less not good?
a partial list:
1. less sleep
2. less hygiene
3.less time with family
4.less prayer
5.less giving
6. less compassion
7.less gas in your car
8.less time for yourself
9.less motivation
10.less appreciation

I am on a mission, to create simplicity in my life..and that is what "wanting Less" is alll about. i will, as with human nature fail over & over..but the only real losers are those who stop trying.And while i want less hassles, less selfishness, less materialism, less stress and all that jive, there are lots of things i want more of.
The basic goal is peace & contentment.
I hope the above list will remind me of those things.
Have a beautiful day!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Bunny Buddy

We have a rabbit called Dirty Jack

Because he lounges around on a dirt pile out back

Now that our dog has passed away

We see Jack most everyday

Stretching out so lazily, he amuses me so

Suddenly nibbling and hopping to & fro.

Always on vacation, a leisurely fellow

Reminding me at times to be more mellow.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I like it Simple

Todays dinner-slice, layer, bake @400...

add steamed honey carrots & serve...cause that's how i roll.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

It's today all day long i promised to blog before this..sorry!

In the interim i have gone back to a semi-blonde state..gotten my ACLS(today) and am still questing myself many many times what the hell i am doing with my life.

Pretty standard.

I cant believe that i still

1. am employed at the hospital- feeling more incompetent and inadequate as time goes by

2. am holding that ACLS card and it hasnt withered to dust- they must give those to anybody and i am gonna wind up killing somebody someday

3. wake up each day wondering whats wrong with me behind..just behind in everything...housework, bills, making phone calls, catching up with facebook, blogging, and even house projects(not to mention other projects.)

oh, and i also aquired a new cell phone so now i dont get charged that extra nasty 30 dollars Verizon requires when you have blackberry becuase you HAVE to have internet service on those . None of the other cell companies require it..just verizon-greedy dogs!

I am still going to the gym regularly and at this moment evn i am sore as crap from arm day and then leg day ....ouchies!

my cat precious is truly pestering me at the you can see from the above as much as i'd like to blog more..i must go...she keeps walking over my keyboard!!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

It's a long Road

I've been waiting for a break all week. The days just seem to keep getting shorter. Work is still all consuming.I am grateful for the warmer weather these past two days, but find myself mourning over days lost to sleep and work.i've been getting to the gym regularly , but not enough to satisfy me. Soon i will see a break in the clouds, i just know it. God is faithful.

Hubbs & i are still working on the nursery, and also some landscaping(although it's been mostly his handi-work). this week is my "light" week and i still work every single day! haha! oh well, isnt that just life?

On my way out..just stopped for a few words...will blog this week with a bit more substance!\Peace out!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

It's a process they are ...the step by step photos of changing a spare "junk "room into a nursery...It started like this: Then we put together the heirloom crib...

The room was beautifully painted by Hubbs
And then a few accents were purchased

I have decided to go with a Sesame Street theme(neutral). I will soon post a few pics of the cute little closet door knobs we found and my progress on the embroidered blanket. In a few weeks or so we will be putting in the hard wood flooring i picked out last night.And then i can proceed with refinishing the crib, buying a spring & mattress,,curtains and linens...oh JOY!
I am planning on enjoying this!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Sometimes, the Unexpected!!!

I just went to to check when our refund was coming.
Would you believe ...for the first time i've ever heard of, the IRS themselves have actually made adjustments to our return...increasing our refund by $800!!!
That is so totally unexpected , i about fell out of my chair.
We will be using our refund toward my daughters wedding,but maybe now we will have a little something for our selves.
Funny how God works for you behind the scenes!!Love that guy!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Meet Winifred!

Whilst out with friends for afternoon tea i happened along this lonely fellow hiding inconspicuously behind a few books in an odd gift shop.After finally coaxing him to come out , this shy but loveable critter shared with me his life story, and why he has become:
"A Broken Flamingo"
Born in a sweat shop located somewhere in the sweatiest part of China , Winifred began life with others of his kind -stuffed, soft, and frequently.....abused.Thrown from shelf to shelf, carnival to carnival, pimped out to game rooms, and enduring constant travel in plastic bags in crowded, unsanitary conditions life was hard for this innocent and harmless bird.
"I didnt understand," says Wini "why couldnt i just be loved?"
Through the years he has met other animals who've dealt with these trials & tribulations. Many have now been so thoroughly abused, it is impossible to place them in any home.And, like Wini, some have even turned to drugs to block out the shame & pain of displacement, abandonment, and bullying by the elite stuffed animals- creatures such as Elmo,Wini the Pooh(no relation), and
"They think they're better than us generics and leftovers just because their famous. They ridicule and push us around in the toy boxes. Frequently we wind up under the bed, becoming fodder for the household pet"says Issac, a recent adoptee from the Stuffed Animal Rescue Mission(S.A.R.M)
Since coming to live with me winifred has cheered a bit , even following a few mishaps with my cats. He is hopeful knowing he finally has a good home.
Fending off cats is familiar to Wini. This time he has incurred an injury to his right ankle.He has been admitted to The West Shore Fur Fix Clinic for repair and physical therapy.
"A year from now I hope to be free of my addictions as well. I'm doing the 12 step program and feel really good about life for the first time."
Good luck Winifred...We are here for you!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Game for Ya!

I really wanted to post before i started my long, heavy week at work but it just didnt work out.I havent had a bad week so far..even been getting home by 8am !gasp! But , of course, being the pessimist i am, i expect the house of cards to fall at any moment.

My husband has been working on a nursery in preparation for my future grandchildren(i know- i am sooo jumping the gun, but i cant help it!) It looks like it will be really cute. I'll take some pictures soon post them.I'm still looking for a crib box spring thingy for the heirloom crib i want to use though. I did get to purchase some cutesie stuffed animals. I have decided on a Sesame Street theme and have started an embroidered blanket.Happy Grandma!Ha ha!

Ok, so what's with the above picture...

Here's the deal...this is a picture of everything i have to carry in my pockets at the hospital...add a few more flush syringes and you can imagine why i have to actually set aside a few minutes to "pack up" before i leave the house!It adds about an extra pound i gotta carry around all night.
So, i want to know if anyone out there can guess what ALL the items are and how many of each there are in the picture!?

My first online guessing game! Have at it! The winner will receive......... my unending admiration!lol!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Get Some Uncommon Sense

I aquired a wonderful book whilst on vacation in VT. It's called "Keep your Brain Alive".
Several of the suggestions are as follows:
1. instead of waking up to smell the a different scent close to you to smell first thing- like vanilla, rosemary, or peppermint(fresh herbs or rose petals are awesome)
2. Shower with your eyes closed
3.brush your teeth with your non-dominate hand
4.take a different route to work(or the grocery store, or anywhere you drive often)
5.swap cars with a friend for a day
6.sit in the back seat while someone else drives
7.put different color gelatin filters over your desk lamp(or different colored bulbs)
8.learn braille
9.turn pictures upside down on your desk (or a desk clock, or an illustrated calendar )
10.change the order you eat your food: dessert, main course, appetizer.
11. eat naked(that one's from me)

The whole idea is to trick your brain and get it out of it's dull , boring habits.By stimulating different senses(and hence,different areas of the brain) you actually increase it's function and long term ability to adapt.
I find the whole idea invigorating and interesting and plan on trying all of the books' suggestions.It goes right along with my mantra of stepping outside the box.Try it!
& Happy Awakening!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Let it Never be Said......

Looking for that perfect mother of the bride dress. My daughter e-mails me some links and they are more my mom's style than mine. So i say"i'm looking for more glamour , a sexier dress(then add) like from frederick's ...haha!" You know what she saya?

She says she's going to pick out my dress..Ha!No way...i am a grown up...but here's the real kicker..she says "just be appropriate".
Isnt that something.

Now i have never shown up for any of her events (birthdays, graduations, etc) in anything inappropriate. So what gives? Was it the joke about Fredericks? anyway i have decided to give her a few links to ideas i have for my attire...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Let's be Honest

Another decent day of teaching.I had 7 attendees last night but only one today. I assume that's the difference between the content of each class-today being those eligible to take the higher tech class.
What a long strange trip it's been on here as a blogger.
Allow me to mention that i have been blogging for about 2 years.It started out as a tool to pass a little of my experiences on to those who happened upon my site. Eventually evolving into my own self help tool to analyze where i had been , where i was now, and where i was going. Somwhere along the way, i began a sort of journal so my freinds & family could keep track of me...and since then i just dont know what it is.
Today i was reading another bloggers post who was exhaustively explaining what they felt was the reason they blog, why other people blog, and what they think about all that.Me personally, i dont care. I dont care about fans, or numbers or who has an opinion on the things i chose to write about. i started this for myself..and that's just being true to me.
I figure there are so many millions of bloggers out there with a gazillion different oppinions, and everyone gets a chance to blog or not blog. So where's the problem, and why rant about other bloggers techniques?
It simply will not matter over the long haul.
Dont get me wrong, i enjoy this bloggers posts..they are sometimes funny, sometimes offensive, sometimes self-serving and sometimes informative. I like variety..i say keep it coming , baby.
But i digress...
I really gotta start getting some kind of life back. I have looked around many a time these past few weeks and said "self, you used to be a lot happier..why are you killing yourself? when are you going to "get back into life" as the saying goes?"
Well, i decided last month that april first would be my new year. I am today starting my new routine, reflecting some long held values, and allowing a bit of pleasure back in. For one, i am going back to the gym regularly. I followed someones advice about 6 or 8 months ago to stop lifing and start doing more cardio..i started running and stopped going to the gym. This, however does not work for me.I need to lift , and lift i will.Also i finally made a hair appointment, staving off the struggle to be less vain and more "au natural" to age gracefully. Hogwash.
If you dont feel good about yourself, everything diva will reign on this one.Started the tanning again as well....There's no reason to suffer for the sole appearance of being what someone else tells you that you ought to be. If someone is a less miserable person getting manicures, and wearing designer clothes...well i say "be yourself" and enjoy! Who am i to judge?
So ...get out yourself a favor...let it all hang out! admit your weaknesses, admit your vanity, pride, or whatever you want to call it.Dont try to pretend you're above it all and "wise".'s a secret....None of us are wise.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Write Ups

All ready to go for my next few days..had a very long , hard-working week..But now i start teaching classes for new nurse & home health aide recruits.
I've already done a peds prep class, but today is the home health aide one.I'm a bit nervous because i've never been one...oh is what it is, and what it is for me is extra income!lol!
I also want to give a shout out to my freind-SECRETS- for putting up with me on our VT trip...i know i complained alot. sorry- and thanks for taking me.
I am coming to the conclusion that i am just going to take one day at a time with the hospital job. It is so incredibly stressful , but i make it worse on myself by worrying about getting fired or written up. Aftre much conversation with other nurses there, i realize that being "written up" is a common occurance. Mainly because nurses can write up other nurses, and it becomes a petty little nit-picking cat fight thing.I will refer to it as "the write up game".It goes like this...
One day you come in for a shift, get report and start doing your have a tougher assignment than you thought and feel unprepared & resentful.So, you notice stupid little things that were'nt done that make your day a bit worse(like the nurse reporting off to you forgeting to replenish the bag of tube feed and it is low so you have to go get a can, or that there's no tape in the room you have to do a dressing on) and you spitefully decide to write them up.The next day or so they find out , and they decide to find something wrong,something you did or forgot...maybe signing off on the treatment sheet, or not labeling iv tubing for the change write them up. Back & forth it goes til someone either quits, gets fired or just stops the game. It's pretty dumb.
i refuse to write up someone unless they have endangered a life. Like hanging the wrong med on the wrong patient, or i see them abusing a patient.If that makes me a fool, or i dont get the same respect then oh well. I do believe in Karma.
Gotta run..much to do today!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

And so it Ends...

monday was a little better. i slept great and was up at 10am..i was able to take my time , went to the village to get a sub & coffee(22.00!!). We went shopping at a sweet little shop we like called The Vermont Country Store. I was able to find most of my souveniers for everyone there. We came back to enjoy the free BBQ dinner at the Inn, then hopped in the jacuzzi & sauna for a bit. I think the best thing about this weekend though was that i finally discovered that i can watch my Lost episodes at, since i can no longer get them to load at Yay! I caught up on the last 6 episodes!.

Unfortunately a happy ending for the trip was not to be.

We got up early Tues. morning at 7am left by 8:30,after partaking of the free continental breakfast. We stopped for about 20 minutes at a shop my friend needed to go to then were on the road.At approximately 11:45 we got stopped about 2-300 yrads behind a horrible accident and sat in the same spot for 3 hours. when we finally got clearance to turn around for the detour we almost immediately ran in to the line of folks also trying to get on the detour exit. more waiting.we drove for a bit the ran suddenly ran into a blizzard. slowwwwer driving .

Next up was an hour 1/2 delay sitting in construction.All told, the 7 hour trip turned into 15 hours. I arrived home at 11:30 pm..exhausted, sore,and missing a night of work which i am sure i will probably be written up for .

At any rate i know there will be repurcussions.

So, happy to be home this morning, i have been busy- failing an online EKG test for which i will now have to retake the 4 days of classes for.And playing text tag with my daughter about wedding expenses and plans.Then my son comes in and needs to borrow money for his car inspection, which is due today. Ugh..when will i be able to stop complaining!!???

I have to go in to work tonight as well.

But since these past few posts have been kinda negative i have included a picture of the only reall reason for going up north(if you dont ski).Enjoy!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Oh, even better...

I am officially starving.Sick to my stomache. and fed up. I really hate this place.The hotel, i mean. Of course they would give away free trips to it. No one in their right mind would ever PAY to stay here. This morning after donning my clothes quickly, i walked about 1/2 a block down & around the hotel to the other side where the "free" continental breakfast is. There were a few bran muffins, old fruit and stale looking cereal left. No seats available....i had to sit at the edge of a fireplace hearth. I still had sheet wrinkles on my face, hair matted to my head & teeth with a layer of morning breath on them but since there was no food in the room, no spoons to eat my instant oatmeal, and no way of cooking anything, i had to get sustainance somehow.
This afternoon, my friend got back early from the slopes so we drove a bit over 2 hours north to visit an aquaintance (who turned out not to be around.)
On the plus side, we stopped to dine at an AWESOME bistro and i truly enjoyed that part of the day!
I did a bit of shopping, but most places were closed- it being sunday.The worst part of the day though,was coming back. We left about 6pm and hadnt had dinner. My freind got lost because the stupid i-phone GPS signal wasnt picking up right and it took us over 3 hours. It was almost 9:30 when we got here and now nothing is open , i am sick to my stomach. we had to stop at a 7 eleven so i could get a loaf of bread just to keep from barfing.
At this very moment my friend is downstairs at the bar somehow managing to stomache yet another beer, in spite of not eating dinner. Whilst i sit in this sorry room, nauseas and ravenous with no way of getting a hot dinner.
Just goes to show you, it doesnt pay to stay cheap.

First Night-Stratton i am in this poor excuse for a hotel at the end of ski season in Stratton, VT.Let me tell you about my first night. We arrived at about 6pm..loaded our stuff to the room and , after discovering the endless LACK of amenities, took the shuttle to dine at the village restaurant-Mulligans. We paid $13.00 a piece for a grilled chicken salad(which was fairly yummy) and came back to watch "Blindside" on a rigged up PC laptop -we had to sit the computer on a chair between the beds and run the cord to an outlet. This, because there's no dvd player in the room tv.
Among the other things lacking is a decent coffee pot. The one in here was probably on the clearance rack of Walmart for two bucks, and was used by Fred Flintstone as a child. It holds 4 cups of water which takes about 10 minutes to brew, and does not have a drip stop.NO microwave.
Another lovely feature is the broken shower spigot handle. You get a wonderful sense of adventure as you never know from moment to moment what temperature your water will be....depending on when your neighbor starts to shower or flush the toilet.When we did turn off the lights at 11:30 ,i nestled down into my pint size overlysoft pillow and managed to sleep a few winks in between being awakened by slamming doors, my friend snoring, and his alarm clock at 6:15(which he didnt hear & i had to wake him for).Approxmately 1 hour later, he returned to the room from the continental breakfast and proceeds to turn on a light directly in line with my face and rustle loudly through plastic bags to get dressed. Finally he leaves, i fall back asleep( covering my head with the dwarf pillow) and soon discovered that the do not disturb sign had not been placed on the door as i was suddenly awakened by a large black lady droning"HOUSEKEEPING" at me live from my bedside. ARRRRgh.So, i am stuck i this little room to play alone until my friend returns from the slopes at 1:30..
What's a woman to do? Well, here below you will see that i did the "girly "thing and had my self a little make over session. Please note, start to finish, the deep , dark circles which have formed under my eyes for just such an occasion...

And thats the way i begin my day in sunny, cold, Vermont. The upside???We get to go to Stowe this afternoon to shop!!hooray!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


In everyones life there are moments. Today was one of mine.
I realized that :
-i had spent the day teaching others how to take care of trached & vented infants,
-came home & ran three miles....
-relaxed with one solitary glass of wine
-and began reading & enjoying a book about Jesus.
Maybe not such a big deal to most.
But anyone who has known me for years will know exactly how impossible it is that i can do all of this today. Anyone who knows my background, my limitations, my personality can attest that even 8-10 years ago no one, least of all me, would have seen any of this coming!
I would no sooner have believed myself that i would become a nurse as i would have believed i'd work for NASA.I smoked so heavily that i could barely walk a mile without getting out of breath.I couldnt stop at just one glass of wine..i needed shots of sambouca, bars & after hours dance clubs to fulfill me.And there was no way in Hades i would have picked up ANY book with the word Christ or Lord in it.
I can truly attest, as living proof, of the power of God .There is simply no other way this life i lead would have occured naturally.It is highly probable that most people who lived like i did would have been out on the streets, homeless, abusing drugs, or in prison.Without going in to detail, many of my aquaintances from those days are doing just that.
I recall that, in some rare moment of noticing the glory surrounding me , and in great sorrow at my prospects for happiness i prayed a hard fought prayer and asked, begged...for God to help me.And looking back to that "moment"(as i do from time to time) i know that it was divine interevention that saved my pitiful life.
Some who read this might scoff, and make excuses, rationalize or reason away the events as coincidence, personal motivation,hard work or even luck...But i know the truth.
And in these small moments as i go about my day, suddenly noticing the miracle of my life..i am beyond words in gratitude for a loving, forgiving, and all powerful God.