Thursday, August 20, 2009

A weekly update , and a New Start

Sunday evening my husband and i did a mini triatholon. First we went to the gym to lift weights for about 45 minutes. i did legs. then we drove home & biked 2 miles to our running route , ran 3.2 miles by the train tracks, then biked the 2 miles home. Let me tell you- we were both sore as heck for the next several days, so much so that we didnt go to the gym, bike or run monday or tuesday, and only got to the gym tonight. i did upper body weights, but still no running.My leg soreness was gone but my son & i went on a vertical trek adventure together today and i could really feel the soreness in my ankles still from running on that uneven surface.At any rate, i'm trying to build up to trail running at some point & need to build that ankle stability.
Tuesday morning my friend & i finally made it to Roots Farmers market where i got a delicious bounty of fresh produce including such mouth-watering delights as cherries, strawberries, oranges, plums,bananas , peaches, boston & romaine lettuce, fresh spinache,peppers & squash. i also obtained some old Trivial pursuit games i didnt own, indulged in a fresh-made sub, and bought a bear claw for the mancubs.
Now that i've updated on my week, on to more important matters...
I've been thinking about a goal i had listed at the beginning of this year. i posted that i wanted to focus more on people this year as opposed to things, and as opposed to looking inward, i wanted to focus more outward. well, i do believe it's time to put that to bed.
Since putting my focus on others this year, an unwanted side effect became apparent. Perhaps yet another flaw to be worked on , but at the same time an enlightenment.
what i've realized, unfortunately, is that i have become a tad bitter toward people mainly due to my own need to actually be acknowledged once in awhile for the things i do.
i started noticing how upset i get when i dont get a thank you or a return message, email or text. i have sat around in bewilderment wondering why many of the people i've reached out to(they say you have to be a friend to have a friend- this is bullsh*t) have all but dismissed or ignored me . And i realize that there is still a very selfish side of me that God has been dealing with me about.
And it is my belief (my epiphany) that i am being humbled.
I believe that God is going to make me go it alone for awhile, so that i am humbled, and alone- for my own good.
And overall, it makes perfect sense.
I do need to turn inward, find peace & fulfillment, and lose that need for approval. i need to lose the desire to be "popular" and to spend sometime alone with myself, realizing that no man can satisfy like the Lord. Man will always disappoint.
Ad i know that it will last as long as it needs to. The enlightenmenet part is that all i have to do is rest . yes, rest- in the peace of God.I dont have to figure it out. i dont have to be burdened, i dont have to stress. that's not my job.
I'm exactly where i need to be.
And when God is ready, he will move me forward. Nothing I try is as powerful as the plan He has for me.
So, for now, i will rest in the arms of that dragon. after all- "fear not!" is the most oft repeated command in the bible.

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