Monday, July 20, 2009

The Only Lonely

A few words in brief before i launch into my speil....
1. i am sick & tired of allergy symptoms. what i thought had come & gone and had been for about 3 days is back to night. Its really embarrassing to have a nose full of snot and be constantly sniffing, blowing & snorting at work. it really comes off to the parents as sickness and you can just feel them questioning whether you ought be taking care of their child or not.Cursed nose.
2. i still have not received my paperwork packet from the state board with my official results, which will enable me to FINALLY sign my name with an "RN" behind it. Blasted state paperwork.
3.I have been up since 8:30 am, went to church, visited my grandfather with my mom, and did the grocery shopping.I still cannot fall asleep when i try to take a nap this evening. i go for a 45 minute walk with my son. then i still cant fall asleep.Darned insomnia.
ok, so let's get this party started.
What i am really depressed about tonight ( and i dont use that word lightly) is being lonely.I really do try. What set me off this time is texting two different "friends" twice these past few days- people i should, by all rights,still be pissed at but decided to forgive- and havent heard a word back. Both have recently claimed to want to rekindle our friendship, claimed to value it.They have a funny way of showing it. Additionally, two other friends have yet to return a message i sent them via Facebook a few days ago.
Worse yet, since my daughter left for her cruise friday, my son went to the shore with his girlfreind, and my husband worked doubles all week i felt even more cursed when i awoke to find he didnt even come to bed last night and decided to work another double today instead of helping me grocery shop and go to dinner like we planned.i must either have one shitty personality or i am one uninteresting doormat.
I mean, people still talk to me, say hi, and chat when i see them.And i am a very busy person.
But, i am always alone.I really dont mind it most of the time, but its starting to get to a point where it's really noticeable.And people are noticing it about me. A woman from church saw me at the grocery store today. When i told her i was a lonely person during our conversation, she says she noticed that about me and is what drew her to me.so, great- not only do i feel lonely, i look lonely too.Awesome. Just what i needed.

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