Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Universal Truth

Here it is: Children can be difficult. I knew you'd agree.
The latest- another round of my first born telling me what i am supposed to say or not say around her boyfriend now turned fiance.
I have gone through this a few times with my youngest. So , maybe it's true i'm not the most sensitive person on the planet. In my own house, i like to be able to speak my mind.
After i explain this one more time(i've already told 2 people) i will truly try to let it go. But for the benefit of other parents reading this, maybe you can relate. Or maybe i'm just an insensitive b*tch who needs to go to charm school.
My daughter & i had a brief discussion concerning her history of birth control use as it related to her ability to become pregnant in the future- a topic not out of the range of normalcy among nurses, not to mention mother & daughter, and certainly in light of the fact that she just got engaged and brought up her plans to begin family planning. I asked her how long the periods of time were when she had been off birth control completely in the past. She stated several months here & there. To this i responded that she since hadnt gotten pregnant at those times she may want to plan ahead for a period of decreased fertility in the future when she first goes off of it. Thats all that was said. Less than 2 minutes.
A health -related, natural concern.
Apparently, her fiance became greatly distressed over the discussion because , as she puts it, he is "very visual" and i shouldnt bring up anything about her past related to the fact that she had other boyfriends before him, beacuse he has "anxiety" and "sees a doctor for it". And i should "respect his feelings" by not discussing these things around him.
First of all, i didnt bring it up. Second, i never mentioned any of her "ex's". And third, if they are considering a family- this is pretty important medical stuff.I mean, if they think they are mature enough to sleep together, they sure as heck better be mature enough to deal with birth control history. Obviously, she wasnt on it for no reason, and , obviously he knows she wasnt a virgin.
Besides all this, it wasnt like i started any discussion about sex, or past partners, or ANYthing of the sort. A whole lot of assumptions had to go into someone starting to think along those lines relative to such an innocent discussion, and that fact alone scares the hell out of me.I mean, if this guy actually is getting "jealous" over something this ridiculous, this soon...well, i sure doesnt make me feel too good about the whole relationship.And on top of it, i was just getting to know & like this guy, but now it will be very uncomfortable around him.Who wants to try to guess what is going to offend someone and be walking on eggshells around them all the time?
Additionally, i am distressed that my 24 year old daughter even had the balls to ask me to watch what i say around him. After all, i am the parent, it was my home, she is my daughter, and if anything, the respect should be shown toward me.
Mostly,I am astounded that she expects me to respect someone who didnt respect my feelings about them living together before they were married. Just how does she think it plays out visually in my mind thinking of someone sleeping with my daughter with no commitment, who could bail at any time, and have nothing to lose?
Respect his feelings. Ok, i'll get right on that.

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