Sunday, May 31, 2009

A Pretty Good Day, I say...

Several things on my mind tonight.
But first , an overview of my day. Went to a friends little girls birthday today. She did a pretty good job setting it up & it actaully reminded me of a birthday party my mom set up for my daughter when she was 5, only not as extravagant. They had a pinata, a pool, hula hoops and bubbles.of course there was presents & cake & music. The differences were that there was wine & beer for the parents and also there was a horse for rides and a blow up bouncy thing the kids could climb into & jump around. The home was on a nice property but it wasnt as spacious as my moms.And the theme was horses, not little mermaid.I stayed for about 3 hours then left because i had to work.
Boo. Hiss. I really wanted to stay for the grown up party with the bonfire, frozen drinks & fireworks after the kids left. But such is my life lately. I missed the neighbors Memorial day party since i went on the canoe trip, and we know how that went from my previous post.I am just having a non- satisfying social month . Additionally, i am getting a bit depressed that i really dont seem to have a lot of activity on my Facebook page. Since i've changed my settings, i have noticed that i dont have as many response posts as i thought i did.In contrast, my one friend's page is always hoppin'.Things like this can really get to a person sometimes.
Overall, i know i do have friends, because , otherwise i wouldnt even have events to attend and phone conversations, and emails.But somehow, i just seem to be more lonely than most, or at least i notice my loneliness more. I guess some of us are just more sensitive to that stuff.Funny how i used to just want to be "left alone". Be careful what you wish for i guess.
Of course, there ARE days when i want to be left alone.But not as many as when my kids were smaller....Is this what they mean by "Empty Nest " syndrome!!??When you fell lonely and useless and unwanted? Yikes!
No, i believe, at least in my case, it is all hormone related. Because the reality , the bottom line is, that even as i wish for more friends, i know with absolute certainty that i could not handle it. I am truly such a loner, and an internal person, that too many relationships overwhelm me. In essence, as a friend to many, i would make a very poor freind. As it is now, i dont get to be as good of a friend aas i'd like.
Another thing on my mind this evening is my diet. It has really taken a turn for the worse this past week. It's embarrassing! all the while i pack healthy , nutritious lunches for my daughter & husband, i am snacking on way too many carbs, and (gasp!) meats!i feel like a traitor to myself.
I am fully determined to get back on track Monday. I did make it to the gym 3 times this week. In spite of all the hulabaloo with my son.
The last thing i want to mention is that the first thing i dealt with today was wonderful. My daughter's boyfriend asked me for permission to marry her. I , of course , said yes.I thought it was very sweet of him to ask. We discussed the wedding(the parents will be splitting costs 50/50) and the possible honeymoon places, and the fact that he already has the ring (from Tiffany's , no less!!!) . My husband is being a rat about the whole thing and i've come to the conclusion that when someone is miserable most of the time, they hate to see anyone else be happy. His big beef is that he doesnt think they are ready. Well, she is 24 and has just completed nursing school.so she's old enough & has a good career ahead of her.So does he. And on top of that they are planning a long engagement & to marry next fall.So if it's wrong , they will know by then.He has a great job and seems to be a good provider. We even discussed grandchildren today, and that's another thing. By the time she will have a kid , my daughter wil already be 25 or 26. And that's a good age to start parenting.
Besides, i dont want to be too old to enjoy them!
Ah, well...what does a man know about these things.I'm off to watch a movie now...g'nite!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Diploma Dilemma?

My son....
What can i say?
Two days before his senior project is due , i get a call from his guidance counselor stating he has only completed 6 hours of the 20 required hours of community service. Thus began my wednesday.
I got the message @ 2:30 pm when i got up early in order to have my son to an appointment by 4pm. So it was off & running on the phone marathon. Had to call the guidance counselor back before 3:15.Did alot of back & forth calls, then ,after yelling at the child (who came in the door at 3:05) dashed out the door with wet hair & hardly any makeup .
We spent the entire session with his counselor (the appt.)trying to figure out why, why, why is he doing this to me?
Then we spent the evening calling the pastor, asking neighbors for help, and getting phone numbers of places he could get those hours in the next 2 days.
Today was more of the same, starting with me getting up at 7:30 am so i could take a call from the director of the senior project at the high school. Much discussion ensued, i took notes, etc.
After school. the son of mine went to work so i had to drive there to discuss it with him...it just went on & on
And its not over yet. He never even picked up his cap & gown today. So i gotta go to the school tomorrow & get it myself.
I could swear this kid does not care if he graduates or not.How can one be so close to completing a life goal, and not even care??
If this is any indication of how he plans on living his life,i'm going to change my name, move out west and refuse to have a phone line......
And just be content to hang my own diplomas on my wall.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The BoozeCruise

ok, i have to admit, i did miss having some technology. but not very much. i had about 1 hour of battery power left on my computer, so like a fool i started taking pics.this is our tent, after jim erected it all by his lonesome.i was trying to rest my back.
As a matter of fact, my husband did just about everything on the trip-including all the paddling except going through the falls(easy-peasy this year).About the only thing i did was cook , and that was really easy- threw a plastic sealed bag in a pot of water & boiled it for a few minutes.
Seriously, i did nothing.
And amazingly, it worked out beautifully.
The only complaint i really have is about the rest of the group. For some reason since the last time we went on this trip 3 years ago, they have decided not only to be loud-mouthed all night long, but just flat out LOUD.This time we had a chain saw each night after 9pm, flares/fireworks, and people senselessly shooting blanks from a handgun.I was awake for 40 hours straight.And pretty darned p.o.'d about it!I actually had to put my ipod shuffle earbud in one ear, turn it up full blast & bury the other ear in a pillow to go to sleep.And this was after sleeping pills & all those hours of being awake.
My fellow campers were what i will , henceforth, call "Extreme Rednecks". Not merely the tv dinner, nascar-watching, bowling league members who wear flannel shirts out to dinner type.No these were hard-core , drink -a -case-by-myself, gasoline container toting, tattoo-covered, mounted deer head coniossuers you might have seen in the movie "Deliverance". My own brother made me shoot said handgun as well.i really didnt want to, but when coerced , i aquiesced.
Texas Chain Saw Massacre family relatives, some of them.
But over all , we had a good time. My husband puked the whole way home, and i am still coughing from the dampness and campfire smoke inhalation, but we're alive and unharmed . There were a few minor injuries. And, get this, one of our party got a $220 ticket for being over the legal limit - alcohol level 1.7. Now that is ridiculous. He wasnt allowed to paddle a canoe by himself, had to have someone else in canoe with him. B.S. i say. What was he gonna do? cause a river drunk driving accident? he had a lot less than most in our party (not myself or my husband,but the others).A non-motorized canoe on a docile river. Bad form, brothers in brown.
Hubbs & i came home a day early and were able to spend Memorial day & night together-very unusual. Then this morning we went to a farmers market & loaded up on fresh produce.
I also paid for my nclex exam & sent in my request for transcripts to be sent to the PA state board.All that's left is waiting for my authorization to test, and scheduling the exam.
Additionally i scheduled a 2 week vacation to OBX in September. The price was too good to pass up .
And, seriously, i just cant live without that beach for a whole year!i am too spoiled i guess.
So, that's that. The past few days summed up.I will now be on a 9 day stretch at work starting thursday.I went back to the gym to night and am back in the saddle for the terribly busy month of June!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Trainees

It is 3 am & my orientee just left. I am really on a roll with orientees lately-- have had at least half a dozen this month- most at my newest case( a micro-preemie 7 month old ).Since this ones not trach & vented , the agency always winds up sending dozens of trainees through until the family finally puts their foot down(once they know they have a say in it)and puts a stop to it. So, in just over a month here, i have trained 5 nurses and additionally there have been a few in as temps to fill in when i wasnt scheduled . One thing i have learned is to let parents know they have a choice, and while they dont want to have too few nurses available & trained for their case, they flip side is they don't want to have too many. Continuity of care is so important, especially in the home. How many strangers would you want trapsing through YOUR home?And especially when there are young siblings-if they are home during the day, they should feel comfortable around & familiar with the caretaker.It leads to a lot less acting out,and there's less resentment when mom doesnt have to take so much time away from them everyday trying to explain things to so many new faces.
And , just an aside here, i got vomited on at again this week at another case..It must be a full moon!
Anyhoo, i'm off to the land of no-technology for 4 days, so i'll be posting upon my return.....and p.s. my back is feeling a bit better. strong like bull! that's me!!!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Back & Black&Random Pit Stops

Today i had the weirdest & scariest thing happen. I blacked out & collapsed in the gym locker room. I had been doing dead lifts, came up wrong and pulled something. At that point , i think i must've pinched a nerve somewhere because i started to lose my vision, was unable to walk right, broke out in a cold sweat & was instantly naseaus. I was barely able to make it back to the lockeroom & after getting to a toilet I tried to make it back to my locker & lost all vision, collapsing on the floor.Afterwards(probably only a few seconds later because no one helped me) i slowly got to the bench. my nausea subsided, vision was back, but my lower back was in such severe pain, i couldnt move.
i had also lost control of my legs.Eventually i made it, after much prayer, to my car, drove home and lay on ice, then heat. I still had to drive to work.
To top it off i had just gotten my period today (cramps) and then my body(after two days of constipation) decided it was time to finally "evacuate" so i had to stop on my way to work.
I swear, someone did NOT want me to walk today!
I am still very sore but it seems to be manageable at this point. I brought my heat pad and took some aspirin.I cannot move fast or get up easily and it's hard to turn /twist. I ask for everyone's prayers(even you Jehovah's witnesses out there). I need to be better for the canoe trip this weekend.It's not a relaxing trip -lots of hard work actually and i don't want my husband to have to do everything.Plus, i just remembered about the falls. we might have to walk around them this time.It's tough on the back going over them .
I wonder if this is Gods way of saying"slow down".
Anyway, i would like to blog on a subject near & dear to my heart (at a friends suggestion). Whenever i am traveling by car & have to use the bathroom,I , like most Americans pull into a gas station, fast food restaurant, or convenience store.When i do this, i make a point, if at all posssible to purchase something.Even if it's only a 50 cent newspaper. The reason being not only courtesy, but a more far-reaching one.
Basically, if a business owner is making his/her facilities available to the public at no cost, he is forking over the cost of the toilet paper, water to flush & wash hands,soap, electricity for lighting & possibly a hand dryer, the cost of employees to clean it & cleaning supplies- not to mention possibly the extra cost of putting in 2 public bathrooms (men & women)in the first place and in some places a diaper changing station.It seems to me that most people never consider this.
And, considering that these establishments probably have at least a dozen or more non-patrons doing this everyday ( using facilities only) they are potentially losing thousands of dollars every year to those who never even purchase a single item from them.
At this time, the only places that have to have a public bathroom available are places that serve food where you can sit down & eat it .But that could change. With the economy affecting more & more businesses, most will be looking at ways to cut costs. I do believe that at some point, someone will start lobbying for these laws to change. Afterall, why do you think the no-smoking laws actually went into effect?These restaurants were losing the revenue of all those who refused to sit in a smoke filled room, inhaling cancer- causing fumes. Yes- it was a health benefit to all, but be real-many, many more would have kept on allowing it by finding a loop hole in the law if it didnt affect their bottom line (example: no alcohol sales on sunday-loop hole solution- start selling food, even it its just doritos & microwave heartstoppers).
Effectively, when you stop at a business and use their "stuff" without patronizing, you then become not only a freeloader, but you contribute to the eventual demise of such privileges. Just think what you would have to do if these places no longer had to allow for public bathrooms.
And remember how you felt (if this ever happened to you) when you're eyeballs were floating in your head and you had to insert a quarter to get into the bathroom (and you had no change)?
Be courteuos, people. And protect our privileges here in America. At least we have a decent sanitation system-----for now.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'm betting there's more where this came from!

If you cannot tell this is a huge spider that visited me last night at my cases' home. about the size of the old half dollars in diameter!i always save these guys under glasses if i can so the family can see what i saw.And if they think it may be a biter, or even poisonous.Since i am no expert at spider identification, at least i know i notified the fam.
After i caught this one, i was, at first, a bit unnerved at the size & creepiness. But everytime i saw him struggle under the glass out of the corner of my eye i started to feel sorry for him. After all, i am sure he did not know , as he ventured into this home that this would be his fate.He (i am guessing at the gender of course)was probably just meandering around looking for some food, exploring his environment when WHAM! trapped!And what made me feel even worse was considering whether or not he was a teenager. I know, i'm weird like that. Wondering if he was out after curfew, or his mom was worried about him.I almost let him out.
But i didnt.
Here at this home, we are out in the woods and i am sure that the parents are aware that there are bound to be spiders.
Mainly, aside from not wanting the baby to get bit, i didnt release him because even if i wanted to put him outside, the front door would make a noise and wake the household. Then they would wanna know what i was doing and....well,explaining would take too long.
This house is soooo quiet , and the baby is soooo sensitive to noise i had to ask the mom if i could have the tv on at a low level just for white noise because everytime i tried to bite my celery the kid would wake up. That would be fine if i wasnt here very much because i could pack less crunchy stuff on occasion. But i'm here a lot & i refuse to not be able to eat fresh veggies & fruit just because the place is like a tomb.
It still sucks when i have to couch, sneeze, or sniff. He still startles , sometimes waking.
This is some of the stuff you deal with in homecare/night shift.
Along with the homes with only one bathroom and those located in the middle of the house with no ventilation.....well, just hope you dont have to crap & then someone wakes up to go in there right after you!Truly embarrassing!
Well, enough of that....and as Paul Harvey would say..that's the rest of the story!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Aint they sweet?

This is my son & his girlfriend , Gabby, dressed for this years prom. i took the pic right outside our house and my mother fabulously cropped it!
I really do like this girl, she helped my son get over his other long time girlfriend. Weirdly enough, now they are all able to be freinds again. So at least my son has a shot at not ending up like his dad, who is in his second decade of mourning over his high school girlfriend.
I havent been blogging much and i can no longer attribute it to studying. I am barely even looking at my exam stuff yet. Just not motivated til i have a date. i think i am just starting to lack things to say!Funny how i can talk like there's no tomorrow in person, then be at a loss here. Seems like i used to have something to say. or maybe i just thought i did!
This week is shaping up to be a busy one...
I will be watching a Joyce Meyer DVD with my daughter Monday night(the one she backed out of Mother's Day). On tues, i will be going to the gym- the only time i can get there this week. Wednesday is a doozy- 3 pm coffee with a friend, 6 pm tanning, 7pm bunco-all before work. Thursday i will be busy packing stuff and cooking for our 4 day canoe trip. And then , of course , friday we leave at 8am. I will not have any contact with any technology at all for the entire 4 days.And I am sure it will be a relief. These days , i find myself so caught up in that stuff it's overwhelming. i finally had to change the settings on my Facebook page so i wouldnt get every blessed message that was floating through my friends sites.For about 2 hours , it felt lonely. Then i got over it.
The only real downers this week are :A.) i feel like i might be getting sick again
and B.) having to leave my house at 9pm for work monday & tuesday. I'm getting real tired of that.
ok..now we have updated so i am going to watch a movie....hidey -ho!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

blah!

Did i mention i got vomited on (large amount) yesterday morning? yup, i did.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Unhappy Mother's Day

I've already complained to my one friend, so if you are reading this i apologize. It's just that , in addition to all that happened today, more(yes , MORE) has beeen added.So i will get the whole thing off my chest again.
I woke up at 7 am, got ready for church. Went to the nursery & took care of 6 infants /toddlers with runny noses, coughs & all of whom were fussy & crying. I was'nt alone there but we had our hands full. Let me add, in selfishness, that i missed out on any Mother's day gifts they gave out.And , even though the service let out early("so we can all enjoy our mother's today"-per the Pastor), the mom's took their time collecting their kids. Then i got blocked in in the parking lot & was late getting to pick up my mom .
As i was driving my mom to meet my daughter for lunch (with her boyfriend , his mom, & sister) i got pulled over & FINED for an expired inspection sticker. Then we couldnt find decent parking & had to walk over 2 blocks. Of course we were late.
Then service was slow at the restaurant, so , again late getting out of there....didnt get to spend any time at all (maybe 15minutes)at the street fair i was really looking forward to BECAUSE....we were late getting out to see my grandmother. Then we didnt spend much time there, because we needed to drop my daughter off, see her new apartment(she'll be moving into) , and get my mom back to her house so she could see my brother.We got back at the time my brother said he would be there after, and he had already been there & left.So i left there, got home & my deck umbrella had blown over , knocking the grill over , tearing it all up & leaving grease everywhere. I had to clean that up , lift the grill(very heavy) put the doors back on it , and bungee everything to the railing.
I had made plans with my daughter to watch a DVD together tonight which she backed out at the last minute.I really needed someone to make me feel better, or just spend time with, but no.And i had so much left to do at the house, including walking the dog and at this point was really depressed. Especially as i realize that i have to tell my husband about the fine, he will blame me (by blame i mean criticize and make me feel worse) and i now have to change my whole day tomorrow to make an appointment for the car since i can only drive it 24 more hours legally.
I am still half sick , and have been nauseas and coughing, stuffy and exhausted.
I finally just resign the whole weekend as a total loss since i also spent my entire saturday cleaning , cooking, packing lunches, running errands , and taking care of the animals.
As i am leaving for work, i run 2 errands first , then proceed to take the wrong way to work. At least it turned out to only take an extra 5 minutes. But on the way i almost get blind-sided by a rogue truck .Inches....inches from a wipe out!
When i get to my clients house i note that the mom is not here and a "freind" of the dad's is here. Mom is away overnight, so i realize (slowly) that this means bad news. The dad will be up all night indulging in his "habit". Great.
Worst of all, i just realized that i forgot to put my lunch in my bag and i am starving.
Since when did mothers day mean "mom does for everyone else and gets punished even more than usual" day?

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Recovering from Flu(?)

So, at least when i got home in the morning(after our arguement) my husband apologized. As well he should!So i will forgive him(again).
I have been ill this week. what started out seeming like a few days of allergy attacks turned into some bad stuff wednesday night, then really bad thursday(fever, laryngitis, cough, nasal congestion, nausea, diarrhea,etc) so i had to call off work. I didnt feel much better this morning, but the fever had broken at least, and the laryngitis was gone. so i decided to take a few sleeping pills and sleep the day away as well. i felt better when i woke at 4:30 pm, took some alieve, and ate some eggs.I've been replenishing my fluids, but still feel pretty dehydrated. Since i could'nt afford to take another night off, i am now here at work tonight.
Yes, thats right. i can't afford it. My husband, once again, rubs in my face that, next week, he "doesnt have any bills to pay". well, fine. Since i will never be able to decrease my mortgage amount(at least for many years) i have come up with a new plan. I also have been paying for the groceries. This comes out to about $3200.00 a month i am responsible for. the average grocery bill per 2 weeks being around $400. Since this is the only thing i can vary, i guess he will be eating no meat for awhile.And forget the name brand stuff he usually gets, unless he wants to start contributing to the grocery fund. So there!
Its all fruits & veggies. Also, i won't be buying milk(except the powdered kind which he hates)since i dont drink it.I will be totally revamping my shopping style and have a goal of $ 200 for 2 weeks.It should be doable with some adjustments. As it is, can you believe, after spending over $500 last trip, i am almost out of produce???
Unreal.
I figure i want to eat more produce anyway, i will most likely be shopping once a week instead of every 2 , since fresh doesnt keep as long.we'll see.
Next up...getting my hair colored by my daughter in the morning. my grey's are getting out of control.Then sunday being Mother's day, i will be visiting my grandmother with my mom & daughter. We also want to eat lunch and visit a street fair.
On Monday, i will be submitting my paperwork to the college for my state exam. i will be devising a daily/weekly study plan as soon as i have scheduled a date.
Ok, gotta stop..this kid is always awake all night when i'm here...arrrrgghhh!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

When will someone take care of ME????

My Husband is a complete meanie at times. i am sick as a dog & he acts like such a jerk.I really wanna just trade schedules & responsiblities with him just once for a whole week or maybe even a month.Monday ,he gets upset at me because he says i put too much on my plate. Then tonight he gets p*ssed off because now i'm supposed to be his secretary and deliver him his email messages.yeah-"I" put too much stuff on my plate. "& how hard is it to clean the house?" he says. well apparently too hard for him to do it. obviously it's much harder to sleep all day til 7 or 8 pm, roll out of bed , shower, eat a meal prepared by someone else(me) , order $300 baseball bats (he has 3 now), and then just head in to work.In almost 7 years of marriage, he has made dinner for me ONCE....6 years ago.
Never mind that, in spite of being very sick, i still get up, make his dinner & pack his lunch, run errands , make phone calls, take care of the animals, go to the gym and then also go to work fulltime.no one does any of that for me. And i've done all this while getting a college degree and raising a teenage boy for the past several years.
Yes , he took over the bills. that was a great relief- but , wow, that's all he's done. and, gee, didnt i do that for the last 6 years?
I would understand if i didnt work full time.But not only do i take care of everyone in the house,i also take care of kids at work. I have to deal with "people"- families and their sick kids. which means that i cannot go in and be a jerk when i feel like it.Even when i'm sick.He only has to deal with a machine. And where he works it's a bunch of guys that can act as sh*tty as they want towards each other because it's just a low level, unskilled labor job that anyone can do and politeness is not only not required, it simply doesnt matter.
i have to go in , pleasant and sympathetic, armed with knowledge, skill , and experience, and take care of actual human beings.
I know you hear so many women complain about this kind of thing. But then, what are we doing about it?Seems like we're all just floating along on the B*tch Boat, complaining bitterly and nothing ever changes.
The only thing that keeps me going is my devotion to God, and only out of respect for Jesus do i continue in this marriage.I am walking in obedience & "dying to the flesh" as they say. Most of the time, i simply am doing my duty.I certainly don't enjoy it. I will keep praying about it, and in the mean time, i just may not show up at home in the morning.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Blast from the Past


Imagine! Me, Age 21- drunk ,of course ,with my first long term boyfriend.My gift to you!LOL!Hallelujah! just finished my final graduation requirement- an online 8 week course that i completed in just 8 hours!!yes- Thank you, God!

So i am elated, and relieved and ready to move one into the next phase at last -studying for the state boards. The process will have to include the obvious prep work or, rather, paperwork first.It seems to me to be a daunting task but in a nutshell, i have to request my transcripts (from the college) to be sent to my state board of nursing. I have to type and sign and mail this letter to the school.The dean has to sign off on something as well for Pennsylvania- an authorization of sorts. Then i will be sent an authorization to test.

Next (i am already registered with Pearson) i will pay for the privilege of taking the exam ($ 200) and a fee for my license($100- since it's an out of state college). When all of this is processed (about 4-6 weeks) i can then schedule my test date.

Why do they make this so difficult?Ugh!

I have to call tomorrow to be sure that i can still use the June graduation date. Since i had to wait to access this last requirement i missed the deadline by a hair. But the advisor said i might be given a reprieve if i pass the exam in a day or two- they would extend the deadline for me.

What i've written here is a very condensed version of the totality of it all, but it is the general idea.If you have read down this far & stuck it out with me , here is your reward.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Heaven or Hell?

I now realize i have to come up (once again) with a better plan for organizing my time. Even though i do a pretty good job, i'm starting to see that in order to live in the peace that Jesus died for us to have, i need to eliminate or re-prioritize some things in my life.
I have come to this conclusion based on the fact that i was so worn down from running , running, running this week that ,in my tired & weakened state i accidently backed into a truck parked on the street while trying to get put of my driveway.
Granted, the truck was in a very bad spot(& my blind spot) and SHOULD have pulled into the huge empty driveway of the neighbors house that he was doing work for instead of parking on the street (making it hard to back out without doing a 4 point turn). But still. And even though his truck was the same color as my car making it even harder to see him. Still.
If i had been more alert, and less distracted, and less tired, and less harried- i could have prevented it.
Not that there was really any damage to either vehicle. less to his than mine.He could still probably ask that i replace his bumper if he wanted to. Even though it was an old truck and it is a plastic piece that wasnt cracked or anything, just detached a bit. Anyway, it was my fault really. So, whatever will be , will be.
I am learning lessons that are actually pleasant to learn these days. It finally makes sense to me that God really does want us to "rest" in him. And that doing so is spiritual warfare against the enemy- who wants us to live in condemnation and misery.
The other night(i've been so tired again this week) i put my whole faith in him. Completely. Even though it was hard, and it took effort. When i finally felt it, and relaxed (surrendered) into it- i was amazed at the actual peace .And i really dont care who disagrees with my viewpoint. God is more than we can imagine. He shows me this every single day.
This is not a corny, religious, creepy bible -thumper thing either. Just reality.I can prove it.Just ask me. I'll give testimony.
I have so many friends who've never set foot in a church, have no idea who Jesus is or what it is to have a relationship with God. I have friends who only pray when they are in need ( trying to use God for personal gain).And i have recently talked with a few who say they "love God and Jesus" but "dont think they need to go to church" and really believe that if they have good intentions then that is all that matters.Of course some dont believe in God because they cant see Him.Or they think things are just "coincidence" when they happen.Well, let me tell you- i'd rather believe in God & there be no afterlife that to not believe and spend eternity in hell.
Funny...
I get where they are coming from. I used to be there. I dwelt in " the valley of the shadow of death".I just wish so much that i could trade all that time i wasted there for what i am learning now.For the complete loveliness i am surrounded with, even when i am alone.I wish i could explain fully the peace and wonder of getting to really understand the word, and pursueing an intimate, personal relationship with God.
You know, i am truly convinced that the enemy has convinced so many people that there's no such thing as hell,that truth is based on individuality, and good intentions equal a good standing with God. Some even believe that being a bible scholar alone has bought their path to heaven.
(Note: study all you want, but unless you apply it to your life, it's just ink on paper, people!)
And with all that, whether you wanna hear it or not, i will leave it at that.I wont apologize, or sugar coat it.
I am re- examining my life.I am commited to being a more excellent person. inside & out. Because of my respect for the one who created me- for a purpose.
And if that offends some people....que sara, sara!