Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Other "B" Word

When I was growing up i had a friend who'd been around since before i was born. In fact, i can't even remember a time when she wasnt part of my life. Her name was Jean.We did almost everything together.She was a huge part of my life. Naturally , growing up together like that i grew to trust Jean with just about everything.Although i didnt always stay in touch with her regularly as i got older, we met up on occasion to catch up,etc.
Well, one day out of the blue ,i decided to give her a call . A long discussion ensued and i found out Jean would be in town a lot more these days.
We met more often after this and the investment in our friendship grew to the point where i gave Jean a key to my apartment so she could let herself in whenever she was in town if i was working so she didnt have to pay for a room & stuff. this was working out ok for awhile- she'd stop in once or twice a month when she had a meeting or business to take care of. We'd have a few laughs, go out for happy hour and i could feel my interest in Jean growing. Even though Jean was perpetually broke & in debt, she seemed to laugh at life and take it all in stride.I never even minded picking up her tab. I knew she had been unemployed alot but always talked about getting a new start.
So after about 6 -8 months or so of Jean coming & going ad lib, i started to notice things changing.She started acting suspiciously, coming into town at late hours , disappearing before i got home. And one day i just happened to look in my secret cash box under my bathroom sink. It wasnt empty, and for the life of me i couldnt tell you how much i had ever put in there, i just put whatever i had extra -sometimes $10, sometimes $100.i figured someday i'd wanna go get something so completely extravagant, it would make everything i'd worked for for the last 5 years worthwhile. Hell, i could even put it into a retirement fund if i wanted.
Anyway, the stash didnt seem quite right, but i couldnt be sure. Over the next few months i checked it each week or so and one day decided it was definitely way off.So I counted it all out and was astonished to find that most of the cash under the top layer was ALL ONES! my heart was pounding. i knew i'd put in lots & lots of hundred dollar bills over the years , some 50's, some 20's.But the whole thing totalled out to be only about $450.00. I was beside myself.
I then realized that the only person to have access to my place long enough and often enough to find this box and embezzle MUST have been Jean. I had very few guests over and the ones i did, were never there alone or overnight -except Jean.
So , i didnt see Jean , hear from Jean,nor was i able to contact Jean for about 2 months. Then one day i go to an art festival along the river and who do you suppose i see sailing by in a beautiful BOAT- decked out with every accessory you can imagine?Yup. She was in a bikini , lounging out driving that boat lazily in the summer breeze. No worries, no stress.I couldnt believe it.

The one who'd always had no money, had an insurmountable pile of debt and claimed she'd been broke for years was riding in the lap of luxury. Now what would you think? Doesnt it all add up?
Thousands of my dollars were gone, and welfare woman shows up with a luxury craft . And to top it off , when she saw me on the bridge , she turned her head quick and sped on outta there!!
I noted the name of the boat, just because i was so stunned and when i checked the price online it went used for about 11,000.00.That was within easy range of possibility for my cash box -figure 5 years of stashing.

So people, did you ever play Mad Libbs growing up? I want you to go back into that story(which i made up) and everwhere you see "jean" (or her or she) i want you to insert "the government".When you get to "cash box" insert" 401k." And when you get to the word "boat" insert the word "bail out".

Are we really this blind????

1 comment:

Secrets said...

That is absolutely hilarious. Great story. You should be a professional story teller or at the very least write a short story book. I'd blastered this story all over the internet if I were you. Incredibley original! Bravo!