Wednesday, February 11, 2009


It's very hard NOT to care what other people think. Maybe it's just me. Maybe i'm just in another slump (the same one thats dogged me for my entire life). And maybe it's time to do something about it.
It's also hard to try to ignore certain goings on around you . I wont be specific here, but let's just say i need to start staying away from the things i see that bother me on a very deep , emotional level.
I need LESS of those things.
Maybe right now, i need less neighbors, less Facebook,and even less kids. They all seem to get me feeling bad about myself and i cannot fathom why. How did i become so insecure over the past few years?
I am totally at a loss when i try to figure it out. while there certainly have been times in my life(brief periods) where i've felt left out rejected, unpopular or lonely...these last 2-3 years have gotten to be more intensely themed in these areas.Do i chalk this up to perimenopause?
There is a good thing going on ,though, here i think.
I've been attending a ladies bible study for 3 weeks now. It's been the most eye opening, fascinating thing i've ever done. I never, ever would have thought i'd actually like it. i just figured it was what i must do to deepen my understanding of the word.So i made a commitment to go this year.But it is truly so much more than i ever expected.
Right now we're studying"Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer.And the above is exactly that. What an incredible woman, and wham! This has hit me right between the eyes.Years ago, when i thought of bible study, i pictured little old ladies sitting in their parlor preaching about whats wrong with the world, and gossiping about other old ladies at the church. And once, when i saw a joyce meyer clip on late night tv i said to myself-"there goes another evangelist just trying to make money by exploiting emotionally needy people".I was wrong--way wrong.
So, i guess it all ties in. Connecting the dots.
Having more because of less.I now getting a less narrow mind, and more broadened horizons.Less
stigma and cynicism
, yet more opportunity.
And maybe , just maybe...i can soon overcome the loneliness,the destructive thinking, the caring about this silly crap around me. Somehow , i think i can live on less of that.
One thing i really need more of , though,is sleep.But thats a subject for another day.

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