Thursday, January 8, 2009

This Years Intent

I have finally figured out what my intent is this year. It is to focus outwardly, instead of inwardly. I discovered this whilst talking to my hairdresser of all things. But let me explain.
She & i have known each other for many, many years. We have seen each other through many men, relocations, children issues, and( for me) career changes.In a sense , we are very much like friends- that see each other every 6 weeks.I know we have talked about every issue under the sun including religion, menopause, dudes (& real men),food, and of course-make up & hair. My hairdresser is a very driven & intelligent business women(unlike myself). But i am motivated to succeed in my career. So i guess that's similar.
Anyway, this last coloring session, we got to talking about new years goals and we seem to be going in opposite directions. We're about the same age, but she has been a giver all her life. I have been mainly focused on myself...analyzing myself, improving myself, feeling glad/sad/bad about myself.
So this year, she has decided to focus inwardly, discovering herself and finally giving back to herself.In that same vein, i realized in that moment that i need to send my tree branches outward, radiating my love and giving to others.
In discovering this, i have had to ask myself some questions. Like what does that mean? what am i going to do about it? and how am i going to do it?

I havent chewed on the answers long enough to give details , but in a nutshell;

  • I believe what this means is looking towards others in every way- not in the mirror, but through the window

  • I intend to listen more, notice more,give more- both of my time & attention,possibly some other ways(undefined as of yet)

  • I will do this by putting on the brakes when i catch myself "taking over" in conversations, when looking at myself in reflections instead of paying attention to who & what is around me, and by figuring out what i can give away financially, and materially that will benefit others.

I've already started by taking this one small step.I colored my hair darker.For most of my adulthood, most of my identity has been wrapped up in being a tan, blonde , busty woman. I have hereby dennounced the blonde. Still thinking about the tan part,havent gone in 2 weeks. Still have the boobs, but they stay.

What i am hoping is that by doing this i will be forced to recognize that others will see me as a human, and not an object. Or i may find that this was all in my head, and my color didnt really matter at all- that i am truly liked for who i am and not what i look like. I am hoping a whole new personality will emerge, and i'm hoping it's a good one,too.

That is, after the one that strangles my husband emerges -then recedes!Just kidding! We'll see where all this goes. namaste.

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