Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Still Growing

We have a new teachers in our Yoga class. Mondays we now have a man who is very yogified. He uses the actual names for the poses and we face each other not the mirrors. I kinda like this vibe except tonight the room was absolutely FREEZING! It took away from the whole experience. It wasnt his fault & he did complain to the gym managers so hopefully it will get resolved.
On the other hand, here i am tonight sitting in a room with my top off , in just jean & a sports bra because the room is at least 110 degrees. i'm still sweating. It's no wonder the babies are restless!they have these humidified trach collars on which makes them warm anyway.
So, i get to sit here waiting for morning, for the snow we are expecting.And like the last time i ws here, i will likely walk out into it with no coat since i will have been basting all night in this oven.Cant wait til summer.
Speaking of which, i'm starting to yearn for the beach already.I know that we planned on a staycation this year . This is probably a contributing factor to my craving--wanting what i know i'll not have.But if all goes well, i may just get to go to Vermont in March. Maybe.Also, i saw a wonderful picture of a secluded cabin in Canada that i'll be looking into, just for myself. Away from everyone. It looks perfect for that. Sweet silence.
Well, my son came home tonight after a very long counseling session, but no decision has been reached. I am still inclined to bring him home. But no matter what i decide, someone wont be happy. Tomorrow is the domestic relations hearing, which i must attend to avoid further damages.My plan is to deny that my son is living with his father because , technically that hasnt been decided.And why should i be pressured into that when this was not the intention of him going there.i will, however, tell the truth- that he was sent there to put the fear of God into him, as a temporary punishment, and that his father decided without consent, that he would be staying there.I figure on bringing him home shortly anyway. Whats bothering me is that my son still thinks he wants to stay with his dad because he is being made all these promises right now that cant be upheld.Instead of punishing my son for his misdeed, his dad is bribing him with illusions of privileges and incentives, with the long term goal of getting child support from me .
Now, i'm getting tired of re-hashing all of this and i know other people in my life are tired of hearing about it also. So unless something critical happens, i'll not discuss it again here until a decision is made.
To keep my sanity , i want to focus on the positives. For one, my 21 day meat & white flour fast will be over next Sunday.Two, we are invited to a superbowl party.Three, we get to daydream at a boat & auto show this weekend(this is our "date").Four-i am coming into a new definition of myself by catharsis-right now i absolutely hate my hair.Since much of my identity was wrapped up in my physical self, it is forcing me to see beyond vanity more & more. I hate it. But growth is hard.
Another positive is the fact thati can still enjoy my FunFactors: this week i think i'll focus on the snow , and dream of that cozy little cabin in the picture.
Namaste!

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