Saturday, December 26, 2009

Seizing The Day (Today, anyway)

So, Christmas is over.
The dinner went fairly well, considering i wasnt sure when to expect everyone with the weather forecast. The weather guys never got it straight..first ice rain half the day , then saying light rain. then it was in the morning, then they changed it to afternoon. You just cant rely on it.
Today it seems to be drizzling, a bit windy - but still the temp is pretty good. i'll either run outside or go to the gym. I truly gotta get off my a** and exercise somehow.My butt has gotten flat as a pancake this year , and droopy. I feel like a 60 year old lady.
I have to go back to the hospital monday. Dreading the 4 days of it next week. it seems like i go in (after repeating my motivation mantra,and talking myself into a positive frame of mind) and then when i start getting report a mudslide comes down and the rest of the day i am just trying to get out alive.On the other hand, the clinical management job kinda got sucky last time i worked as well. I lost two cases through no fault of my own-but it sure felt like it.One of the cases asked for me to be reassigned because they felt uncomfortable with me since i used to take care of their kid(weird-they used to really like me). The other one is the beginning of an avalanche. It seems the agency has a policy that family members cant work at the same case. Meaning anywhere my daughter goes or has been. I anticipate LOTS of problems there. And i have a bad feeling that the agency is going to tell me to commit, or quit.
Anyway, what did i get for Christmas?
i got two blank canvasses , an acrylic art easel for traveling,perfume, a movie, a trivial pursuit game, soap,a coffee mug,a chia pet, itunes gift card, a ped egg,and a few other misc items.Oh ! My brother gave me a really cool painting from his tattoo shop that i had been eyeing a while back. that was pretty awesome.
Well, time to get in the tub...wishing you all a Happy holiday season!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Break in The Clouds

After another couple of grueling, exhausting, and frustrating days i am finally settling in today for a few EKG classes online. After taking the fast track ones last week i realized i needed more practice. Although it's Christmas Eve, and i am not real sure these two classes are the ones i need, i'll at least be home instead of emptying bloody bedpans and sliding around in Mrsa, C-Diff , and other various germs that contaminate hospital floors. I will also not be expected to change central line dressings, know the rate to push iv drugs, have to figure out any new equipment on my own, or have to stand in a doorway with a plastic gown & gloves waiting for someone to help me turn or reposition a patient. Whew!
Nope! Just me & my computer.
And, well, a room full of presents that need to be wrapped , and a a dinner that needs to be prepared for tomorrow.But so far today i have been productive- making phone calls, ordering a new stethoscope,printing out EKG practice strips,and refilling a prescription online.
Next up, breakfast.
My stomache is growling and i still have been having lots of dizzy spells( which sometimes are relieved by actually eating.
Yesterday i spent all day 8a-6;30PM driving to cases for supervisory visits, as well as to the office for paper work.Then -again- i left my house at 8:45pm to do another one and got back home by 12:15 am. LOOOONG day.
I'm still undecided as to what to do about both jobs. To be honest, at this point i am not liking either one, and am a bit depressed wondering if i should have bothered to change jobs at all.I hardly make any more money than i did , but now i have so much overwhelming responsiblity and stress plus longer , more erratic hours. Additionally, i have no energy for physical fitness and have only run one time since the 5k. Of course no gym time for months.
I guess it will all come down to next month. I have a feeling the clinical managemebt meeting on the 7th will be a pivotal point, if not a deciding factor. Intuition tells me that the agency is going to demand that i give them full time hours, and say i am not carrying my load like the other CM's.
We'll see. A person can only try so much and take so much. I can only work so many hours and my brain can only process information at a certain rate. I worry alot about whether the hospital will let me go,too. I feel like i am so far away from being competent.
Ok then, i gotta go...gut is now growling at me...Have Merry one , all!

Saturday, December 19, 2009


Stuck inside today with this massive snowstorm as are most people out my way. I can only give a shout out to the skiiers (spelling?) who are probably ecstatic!
I was up at 5:30am (not by choice) and since no one else was to be home with me, i started doing the thing that came most my house.I really almost hate doing it these days whereas in my youth it was a soothing balm, a mindless activity, a therapy of sorts.
The only other thing to do is watch tv(watched the weather for an hour) watch movies(i watched Julie & Julia) and read...which i will do later.Of course i am leaving out the obvious-eating.
So far i've had eggs, sausage, and toast, coffee, tea and cocoa, plus a granola bar and a banana and it's only 1pm!!
My cats are driving me nuts . They seem to now believe i am their babysitter owing to the fact i've been home all week and follow me around constantly. My allergies are through the roof.
I have yet to take the rest of my tests online. And i will be taking another class on Christmas eve (joy).I have only ran once since the 5k and my bum is getting numb just sitting around here.
Tomorrow i gotta brave this snow and go on three supervisory visits.I really hope they have most of the roads plowed.It's hell getting these hours in but i need all i can get.
Well, i guess it's back to boredom for me...sniff..

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Kissing Frosty !

So far it's been a long week of classes. I sit in front of a computer for 6-8 hours. Then a day or so later the test is on another site .Yesterday made me was EKG stuff and i am so clueless. i need to ask to take the "slower" classes, and i've never had to do that before. Quite humbling.

I've been running outside even in this cold weather. It's rough and i wheeze for about a 1/2 hour afterwards(cold lungs). My toes get numb and my nose gets so red, i could be having an affair with a snowman!

My daughter & her fiance ,plus me & my husband ran the jingle bell 5k this past weekend.Hubbs came in at 24 minutes or so. he was #151. The best time was 16 minutes! i did 31:43( mostly because i got a slow start trying to stay with my daughter- it was her first race. But when she decided to walk after about 10 minutes, i had to run ahead.No way am i paying $20 to walk a race. But she still did well..only 7 or 8 minutes behind me.We both came in somewhere at the 300's. fiance maninly started walking after a few minutes and comlpleted it in 48 minutes...we dogged him for about an hour!

In other news, my dog is crapping all over her new bed just about everyday. I almost vomit when i go down to give her meds. i washed the cover two days ago and its all disgusting again.The vet says her quality of life will continue to decline, but she still has good muscle tone and even gained a 1/2 lb. So she is doing fairly well. Guess i'll be slowing down on those stool softeners though.

Well, it's back to the grind...Got a very full month ahead of me. Work almost everyday. Can't wait til Christmas!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Race Day !

Woot !Woot! Another 5 k race day!Cold as ice out there , by golly,too. At least it's supposed to above freezing. My husband, daughter & her fiance will be running as well.
Had a loooong week. The first 3 days i was at the hospital. And, even though my preceptor said she would not do it, she gave me 1 patient the first day, 2 the second, & 3 the third. I did pretty well with 2. But 3 was exhausting.
These werent "complicated" patients...just had picc lines, chest tubes, oxygen, iv push meds, etc.Yeeesh! Apparnently my next patient will have these things plus be on a vent, with dialysis,blood transfusions and/or cardio drips, and who knows what else. Probably wound vacs at least.
Then i had 2 days with the clinical management thing...8 hours, then 10 hours. LOTS of paperwork, and some visits...i definitely need more time in the office if i'm gonna be able to swing this thing.
I'm still eating like crap..sustaining on granola bars & fruit juice.But i force myself to make & eat a salad each night before bed.I've lost several pounds and have to keep reminding myself to drink far as the artificial sweetener thing, i am still not using it. But i forgot tht my gum is sugarless. I will have to remedy that.
I did discover , also, that if i go to the pharmacist and get the claritin "D", my allergies are 75% better. It contains the pseudoephedrine that used to be in actifed (which worked great for me years ago) . But sometime in this decade they removed that ingredient because people were making crack with it. I didnt realize how important that ingredient is for my allergies.But now i feel a lot better.
My "fogginess" continues. Either i'm just getting older, it's the artificial sweeteners still in my brain, i'm chronically dehydrated, or i have a blood pressure problem. I'll have to keep trying.
Ok ..i gotta eat...i miss blogging.Truly.
Have a smile's on me!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Lone Wolf

I'm going into hibernation.
How do you field suprise verbal attacks, misunderstood inuendos, and unverbalized expectations of people?
Ahhh..must be nice to be a psychologist.
Anyway, my post was short the last time as i answered the phone in the middle of writing, and ended up listening to a crisis. So i figured i'd come back today & post a bit more(before i start back on a 3 day stint at the hospital in which i cannot respond as a human to anything).
The big news is that my son finally got financed for a car on his own. It looks like a nicer car than any he's had so far . I'm keeping my fingers crossed.Also , i finally put up my christmas tree but cannot find the motivation to decorate it. There are no children here and i never see my husband. I suppose my Christmas spirit is in the can this year.
I'm starting to learn more at both of my jobs, too. Wednesday i had my first patient on my own(sort of) and had to do everything for him. It wasnt bad, except when he went into a half hour of extreme respiratory distress. He doesnt want to be intubated, but he is on a bi-pap, and desats into the 50-60's just trying to take a drink water or attempting to urinate .It was pretty scary because despite 100% oxygen with the RT in the room he wasnt doing well.Finally my preceptor came in & had the charge nurse order IV morphine which helped. It has helped me to watch how she handles things.
At the clinical management level, i have learned more paperwork stuff. It's really much better than the hospital job in my oppinion, but i truly believe that if i didnt work at the hospital(dreading it each day) i would'nt appreciate it as much.
I have made an important decision in my life that i have been toying with for a few months, but was in a quandry over. I believe i am just going to have to accept that i am truly a loner inside and nothing i can do will change that.And, in light of that, there are some things i am letting go, and some things i will be embracing.It has not served me well to try to change who i am to fit the expectations of others, especially because everyone seems to expect something different.I 've been trying for a very long time now to be everyones version of who i should be,how i should act, what i should say, and what image i should project. It is exhausting, and unrealistic.
Here is who i am , in case you may not know, or have gotten the wrong impression over the past 20 years or so. (or even if it's been less time than that).
1. I am from a very poor family, and am probably pretty close to "trailor trash"(i say that only because i grew up in trailors, not to disresect my family)
2.I love to learn(have a gift for it) i love to teach(but have no gift for that).
3. I define my sense of humor as sarcastic and dry
4.I never say the right thing but trying to is way too hard . never get this one right.
5.I dont like leaving my house....except,sometimes,to go running.
6. i dont like competitiveness
7.i hate gossip, pettiness , cliques, and two faced people.
8. i hate fixing my hair and wearing make up.i've only done this to please others for years, and i am sick of it.
9.I dont need a scale in my bathroom, i just needed to get rid of the friend who got me to that place in my head.
10.I love my pets and suffer for them, even whilst complaining about it...suck it up or just dont listen!
11.I really want to be kind and sweet and endlessly patient and giving. i said want.
12.And , finally, if you ask me a question about myself, be prepared to listen to my answer. it may be long winded. If you want to discuss your own agenda, please let me know and i am happy to accomodate.Dont make me guess what you want from me.I am not that attuned to social cues.Maybe i have Aspbergers disease.

Anyway, i realize this may sound crude, or bitter, however you interpret it...i cannot change that.The bottom line is we are all just trying our little hearts out to survive in this world and it shouldnt be so hard just to be who you are.Love one another, accept people for who they are. Give them room to grow. & Be kind.
I am learning a few of those lessons myself.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Touching Base

I'm finally getting a moment to breathe in...breathe out....
After working 3 /12 hour shifts at the hospital, then doing 2 /10 hour days of Clinical management stuff, i think i might finally have a day to relax tomorrow.
I will of course be making phone calls to set up appointments. And doing housework.And taking care of paperwork stuff but other than that, at least i get to eat normal and relax a little more.
I will hopefully get together with a friend for coffee, go to church, and run.
i was able to run yesterday, and this morning..felt great!
My family life has been almost non-existent.
My diet has been horrendous...i've been living on granola bars, chocolate and whatever i can grab on my way out the door. i have actually lost weight..down to 109...but i actually feel better working days, using sugar instead of sweetener, and keeping busy .
Tonight , though, i was so trying to catch up on things i burnt my arm with hot grease from the oven.Ugh...
I'm trying to stay caught up on my emails, blogging,'s getting a bit too much. i will try really hard to blog at least once a week.
I will keep everyone up-to-date as to my "career"...and any other events that come along. But it wont be regular until after my training period so probably maybe January..

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Sweet Relief

A doctor at work says that alot of my medical symptoms sound like a toxic reaction to artificial sweeteners. A nurse was talking to him about her past events with aspertame poisoning. I started paying attention when i heard her describing symptoms that resembled my own- chronic fatigue, dizziness, etc. She said they did a brain scan that showed lesions & thought she had MS. After 5 spinal taps, another doctor checked it and said he thought it may not be.He recommended she stopped all intake of diet sodas, and other artificial sweeteners and within 4 months her symptoms were gone. But it took 5 years for the lesions to go away!She had even started having signs of a swelling brain stem(on an MRI) prior to figuring out what the problem was.
This doctor says it applies to ALL sweeteners(nutrasweet, splenda, sweet n low)with the exception of Stevia- possibly since it's an herbal extract.He says stick to sugar and gradually you will feel less need for the "sweet" taste, thereby reducing your intake of it.Apparently, using the sweeteners over a long time increases your desire for sweets.
So i stopped using it , it's been only a few days and already i feel 100 times more clear minded. I cannot believe it. Even my allergy symptoms seem to be lessened. Maybe it's all in my head, right?
I'm open to that idea. But i will let you know if i keep seeing any improvements...

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Eye-Opening Experience

I am actually watching the Thanksgiving day parade. What a blessing after a full week!My down time has become so precious.
I spent the week in a blur, wondering if i was going to make it through. One thing on my mind is the fact that i havent ran since saturday. I have a 5k to run december 12th, and i am getting worried i'll be panting like a dog!
Another thing i noted since starting work at the hospital is that so many have eyebrow issues, I mean, what is the deal with that? The arches are Cruella Deville high. Or they are plucked to extinction,or they are using some weird blue colored eyebrow pencil to fill in, or they have a serious werewolf unibrow.
I have no idea why i noticed this, but now i find i cannot STOP noticing it. I guess there's just too many in one grouping.
I am in the process of organinzing myself for supervisory visits. i have a full day of running around tomorrow.I truly need a planner by next week.And a file box. And folders. Right now i have a pile of papers (for both jobs).It creates more stress just looking at it.
Still struggling with allergy problems. And still dealing with a dog getting older & more senile.
I have almost finished the "Twilight" book series and am searching for a new series to dig into.
Other than that, no news.
But one thing i do know....i will be working hard not to let my eyebrows become the bane of my face.
Well, i hear Hubbs waking up so i better get going...only one day to spend with him til who knows when!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

..And a nice cup of hot Peppermint tea

A hot steamy bath.
A warm foot soak.
Cool cloth over my forehead.
3 tylenol,
a heating pad, and
a good book.
This is not a christmas list.
This is what it has taken to get me into bed for the past two days with a mind to get up & do it again the next day.
I wish i could say it has only been a 12 hour shift. But i rise at 4:30am & get home after 8pm.It leaves precious little time for anything right now...other than sulking & sleeping.
So please, pardon the interuption.
I am not ignoring anyone, or crapping out on my blog.
But think about a day of blood, mucous , vomit, and having your feet grow 2 sizes in two days and you may get the point.
I miss my time here... and again , i will be back...just a haitus......

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Adjustment Period

Well, i'm still alive.
Sorry if i havent been able to answer emails, etc. Just been extremely exhausted, trying to deal with the schedule change, the traffic, learning the new job stuff, and still do my regular fitness stuff.
I am realizing i need to re-think ALOT of things-dinner & lunch menus for example. I cannot afford to eat in the cafeteria(a stupid salad is like $8.00) and i havent had much time to even cook dinner on a regular 8a-4:30p takes an hour then to get home. Plus, i am tryng to figure how to run SAFELY now because either end of my day is dark.Lotsa problems there- no shoulders on the roads i run, my hubbs reflective vest is too big, plus dogs in the dark=not good.
So i cannot begin to figure how to do anything other than eat a meal then go to bed on my 12 hour work days(which will actually wind up being about 13.5 with drive time).
And guess what?yes, more whining...
This is only the ONE job.
The other one is lots of driving , all over the place ,during the day when it's convenient for the family or the nurses or the agency, and who knows what else. Nothing like a regular shift..sigh...
But i know that i will be learning lots and someday, i'll make the big bucks....BUT

i think i'll just go to bed now...zzzzzzz

Monday, November 16, 2009

This Week

Went to visit my cute little 2 month old niece yesterday. What wasnt so cute is that after only 2 hours in the house with their dogs, it took me all night & all of today to get my nose unstuffed.
Well, could be that i had to spend a bunch of hours cleaning my formidable house today.
So , what?
I cant clean or visit relatives?
What deity did i p*ss off to get such a punishment? (Just kiddin there, God)
Anyway, i did manage to get in a 4.5 mile run. Great weather and i got to spray a vicious attack poodle. Two plusses for the day.
Tomorrow, i get to go visit a little girl i took care of (nursing) since she was 4 months old. Finally got decannulated and is healing in a hospital in Philadelphia.She's my favorite case..hands down! and even though it's great that we got her through these two years and she's all better, she will no longer get nursing- bittersweet, indeed.
And (drumroll, please) i start my training this week withn the hospital. So i wont be on any nightshifts.
In fact, my blogging may suffer during this time period, so please bear with me!i will be on a crazy ( and so far, unknown) work schedule. I have two jobs with my agency to schedule yet, and i have the one with the hospital.I am very nervous in so many ways...send prayers please.
I am also hoping being busy will ease my insecurities a bit.
It's been a rough year for me in that area and i cant pin down the exact reason. All i can do is hope i grow out of it!
Lately, i've been compensating for this awkward phase by running & reading. I actually finished the 7 books of the Harry Potter series and am on the 3rd book of the Twilight series. These have become escapes for me.
My friend keeps telling me everything is related to menopause( which i havent even begun to experience, by the way) including my sinuses.Maybe , though, my menopause started in High School , and that''s why i cant make friends with women...ha!
Later peeps!

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Porcine Connection

I dont know if anyone has noticed, but i live in this dinky little town of Dillsburg, pa...where we have just set a record for the # of earthquakes(specifically it's being called an earthquake swarm )reported in one years time...817.
This is nuts.
No one told me i had strangely moved to California by osmosis.And to think i have not "felt "even one .Many of my neighbors have, but i have been at work usually during the events...

that's my alibi & i'm stickin' to it!

Cheerily, however, some recent commenters on local news blogs/newspapers have shed some light on this, blaming:
1. the government digging underground tunnels ( as if Camp David needs to be extended into MY town)
2.2 different types of "incompatible " rock -are they getting divorced?
3. and, tonight, the large amounts of rain we've had this year-wet=faultline...what?
Now let me ask you this like the Bermuda Triangle Mystery?Do any of these sound like plausible reasons why, all of a sudden , this past year we have started getting earthquakes like this?
My vote goes for the underground tunnel. But then, again, i did see Elvis at the Uni-Mart last week...
Another, more troubling statistic i uncovered contrast to the recently posted # of deaths related to the H1N1 virus in the U.S.(617), we are now suddenly at 3900 deaths in the U.S....hmmm...didnt they predict this would all blow over sometime last spring?The scary chaos continues.
And it's funny how many of the cases were first reported at the Mexican border.
I believe there's only one true explanation for all this.
Mexico is illegally transporting their pigs to Dillsburg via their extended drug tunnel network.
I bet they figure on making a quick buck selling pork rinds to.....(wait for it)
...yes, another statistic on news television tonight...
some of the 70% of overweight / obese Americans. all makes sense now....they're definitely the cause of all this...;)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A bikini pic was requested...

However, this is the only thing close for 2009..sorry!
Today was semi-productive.I had to get up early again to meet with our company exec to go over my new job description.It actaully sounds interesting. This one is the clinical management/ supervisory one. One the other hand ,
I STILL havent gotten my schedule from the hospital, despite several converstaions with the nurse manager. i even stopped in today (in person) to see if she could give it to me rather than wait for the email, but she wasnt working.
At least i was handed a card with her email address. I really need that schedule so i can get on with my planning.
Right now , i am at work. This house is freezing.The baby is nice & warm snug in her fleece onesie and having a heated, humidified ventilator attached to her being. But i am suffereing numb finger until tomorrow......;)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Back in it!

Well, i got a small response to my begging on facebook. i've been urged to see an allergist. two friends say it was the best thing they ever did. Unfortunately, my ENT did not give me that referral today. He says to wait & give it a few weeks or months. He says i have some inflammation still.I don't know. I think i'll wait a few weeks then ask my family DR. to give a referral.
Hmmm, no one on blogger offered anything.. .. of course maybe it's because i have so few readers !I'm not really into the whole "readership " game, nor am i creative enough to believe i could keep anyone interested even if i did get more readers!
Alas, it is just a glorified journal for me- to vent, exude, mourn , and record. But never to gain the love of internet readers. That's just too much like work!
But, on a positive note- the Dr. DID give me the greenlight to run again! So i went on an "easy" 3.5 miler today and it was BRUTAL. i was cramping and wheezing the whole last mile or so.i tell ya, taking only a week or so off just completely sets me back. Not to mention the pain meds, schedule change and lowered immune system having their effects.
I have confidence that i'll be back to my usual within a few runs.
Oh and Blase...just checking to see if you're paying attention...i like Kelly Ripa, and Kathy Lee as well.One is married to one of the most gorgeous men in America (that has to count for something!)plus she has the stamina to sit next to a crumudgeon every morning with a smile. And the other one , well, she tries real hard, smiles a lot, and wants the best for her kids- i admire those qualities in anyone! there!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Snort & Sneeze

i am gonna reach right out there and BEG for someone to give me some NEW advice on handling or curing my allergy symptoms.
By "new" i mean something that isnt listed by the Asthma & Allergy foundation of America, medlineplus,The american lung association, or any of the top 10 search related answers on google or yahoo search engines.
I have estimated that , every day(no, i'm not exxagerating)these are the things i do to ease my symptoms:(all while wearing a dust mask)
1.vacuum & sweep the tile & wood floors
2.wipe most of the kitchen & bathroom surfaces with clorox wipes
3. wipe 4-5 doorknobs with clorox wipes
4.groom the cats with brush & spray with dander/saliva remover
5. scoop cat litter air purifier on auto
7.use saline nasal rinse > 10 times during waking hours
8. blow my nose(uncountable times) with hypoallergenic tissue
9.use cough drops & a mask, plus vaseline on my lips while sleeping (because of dry mouth from only being able to breathe through my mouth).i also use a moist cloth over my eyes most of the time to relieve watery/itchy eye symptoms
10. wash my hands constantly, especially if i touch my cats

Total waking hours spent on relieving symptoms = 3-4 daily

1. wash all bed linens
2. vacuum & mop all floor surfaces
3.research websites for ideas to reduce allergy symptoms

Total weekly hours spent on relieving sypmtoms(In addition to above)=4-5

1. i dont have any curtains, only mini blinds(which i replace once a year)
2. have very little carpeting in my home, & that will be removed in the next year or two very healthy , exercise , and do everything i know to maintain a healthy immune system
4. do not allow smoking in my home
5. keep the dog in the basement, and rarely go down there( exceptt to deliver meds & check on her at times)because of the dirt, pollens & dust brought in through the dog door
6. and recently i had this surgery, which i think only made things worse
7. change my house filters FAITHFULLY every 3 months
8. keep cats out of the bedrooms
9. i have tried Allegra, Claritin, Zyrtec, Flonase, Astelyn, Vera Mist, and about 10 over the counter products-all make it worse

As you can see, most of my life revolves around seeking relief.
I am sick of being sick. I cannot figure out what the h*ll else to do and am truly frustrated. Tomorrow i have my follow up with the ENT who did my surgery. Hopefully he will refer me to an allergist.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I'm Fine, Really.

Last night i agreed to go to a case that i really dont like and even stay an extra hour in the morning. Then my scheduler called & asked me to go there again tonight & would i work an 11 hour shift and she would pay me an extra $3/hr. Since i've been off for so many days i agreed, grudgingly.
Last night was not bad.The child was easy, slept well, etc.
Tonight i get here & , of course, i remember all over again why i hate coming here.
First the whole family was in visiting from out of state. They are, in fact, a lovely family & since i know them well they were very warm in greeting me. Then they stayed up drinking wine for a bit which was also fine.
At about 11:00 mom comes in and informs me that her mom is sleeping in her bed so she will be sleeping in bed with the child, in the same room i am in. ARRRGGHHH!I HATE that! It is one of my biggest pet peeves in homecare.
Do these parents know how uncomfortable it is for the nightshift nurse to have to try to do her thing when the parent is lying in bed with the child? Not only is trying to maneuver the kid more difficult, it is also extremely uncomfortable trying to be extra quiet to not wake the sleeping parent .(even though they insist it wont)Then you have to deal with being watched like a hawk while you do things (like eating lunch) because everything you do makes noise and wakes them, which in turn wakes the kid. Guess what the parent does when they wake the kid? they turn over & let the nurse deal with it.
I swear, never again.
As much as i used to like this family, i WILL NOT do this anymore. It's one thing when you open a new case and the parent does this for a bit. I can undertsand that- they are nervous and need to learn to trust you, plus they are really glad to have their kid home and want to be with them a lot for a few days. But i have been caring for this one for over 4 years. I've been on vacation with them, slept in their extended familys home, and driven their cars for Pete's sake.
Oh well, only another 8 hours...(teeth grinding).

Quick Update

So i am almost completely recovered.No more bleeding, no pain.
But i am still not breathing properlyy thru my nose so we shall see. i was told the surgery may not help, but i was seriously putting alot of hope in it.
The next step in the allergy saga took place tonight.We bought an air purifier. We may get another if it seems to be working, but those dang things are expensive!!After that we may buy a Roomba to be sure all the floor gets vacuumed before i get up.I will probably also see an allergist.
These darn pets are gonna bankrupt us. My dog cost us another $150.00 at the vets today & is on 3 meds now, in addition to stool softener, a vitamin , and glucosamine.We will be purchasing a new orthopedic bed for her soon as her old one is worn out. Phew!
No more pets. ever again!
Anyway, i am proceeding with the plans for my new job as well as pursueing another offer as a supervisor for my current agency. Both jobs will give me excellent experience and look great on my resume. I'm in for at least 2 years of it anyway before i can use the experience to get better pay. It's kinda like having a 2 years internship (like in med school) only it's self-imposed!
So thats's the news.
I'm considering another hairstyle change soon, so i guess that's on the horizon as well.
But at the moment, i'll just stew about not being allowed to run for another week.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

A better day!

Feeling much improved today!
Even though my nose hurts to touch it, it is no longer bleeding and i am up & about the house.
I was , after all, on the verge of getting bedsores!My back hurt so bad, i made it a point of getting up at 6am and staying on my feet mostly for a few hours.
The morning was pretty boring, and i even looked up my nose with a flashlight.Pretty yucky stuff, and i hope that the side they fixed will be clearer when the inflammation goes down.
My mom stopped by today with two of my favorite dishes!Banana pudding & Chicken Corn Soup!they were delicious & right on time since i got my appetite back just this morning!Thanks mom!
Also, i was offered a nursing position tuesday at the place i interviewed with. I will be working 12 hours shifts. The training is dayshift for 4 weeks then i go to night shift.This ought to be interesting over the holidays.
Another nurse just informed me that after several years with the same agency i work for she isnt getting any work and has had to go for a part-time supervisory position in the company-something she didnt want to have to do.
So i am truly glad i was offered this position. It may be difficult to adjust, but a job is a job in this economy.
My dog bite is also much better. You can hardly see it..yay!
On the downside of things, the Dr. said i cant run for 2 weeks. But i'm going to dicuss that with him a my follow up appt. monday.I just do NOT want to go that long without running, unless i absolutely have to.
Well, me thinks my husband is home so i gotta scat!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Bloody Nose

Well, obviously i lived through the surgery.
It was quite painful, and i am bleeding somewhat. I have pain meds that work well, but make me very nauseas.
I'll be in bed a lot this week.
So , thanks everyone for your prayers, and if anyone wants to come visit me i'll be here.
Love ya!

Monday, November 2, 2009

The "Morning of"

Well, todays the big day.
Going into that surgery . I am starting to panic a little about being under anesthesia.
Because i know that i will be intubated and last night, after a whole week of getting better & hardly coughing at all, i woke up in a coughing fit for about an hour.
Well, my little mind starting going into all the "what-if's" about that, like
"what if i start coughing while i'm under and the knife slips ?"
"what if , after the surgery, i start coughing and the pressure from it ruptures the surgical site?"
So if anybody out there wants to or is willing, please pray for me.
Darn it, i wont be able to run this week either!
I'm also a little concerned that they said i'll need to be off 4-5 days. I've never been told that with any other surgery.And i'll have pain meds. Makes me wonder how bad i will really feel.
Last night I went to the store and got a few snacks, and drinks, a book and 2 movies.I have a little fridge in my room so in case i am feeling awful, i can at least eat or drink without having to go up & down stairs.
Ok, i guess i've put it off long enough. Been trying to stay in bed as long as possible since i can't have my morning coffee, or anything to eat or drink for that matter.
So , i'm gonna drag myself outta bed now...and try not to think about breakfast...Later Gators!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

A word from the overly sensitive.....

Another day, another dog.
On an especially grueling run tonight, i had another encounter with the canine species. This time, it was on a new route, a backroad.Fortunately, i yelled twice really aggressively(gut reaction) and he turned tail & ran.I had my pepper spray, but thank goodness i didnt have to use it because after the fact, i tried to open it from its pouch and i had to pry it open with my teeth.Like that's gonna help while i'm being attacked.
Live & learn.
I transferred it out of its case and carried it in my hand after that placing my ipod in my zipper pouch.
When i got back home, i realized that the sensor to my tracking device had stopped picking up since it was in the pouch. Boy was i p.o.'d!
Stupid dog.
On a humorous side , though, when i told my daughter , she said"Geeze, you smell like bacon?"lol! She kills me sometimes.
Tonight was trick or treat in my neighborhood.I hadnt realized it was starting so early until at 6pm the doorbell rang. A gaggle of about 7 -10 kids were there so i put out a basket full and said "here ya go, help yourself"(my hair was still wet and dinner was on the stove). I went out about 15 minutes later and over HALF the candy was gone. Darn greedy varmits!after that i sat outside with it , doling out 1-2 pieces per kid, went inside for 5 minutes and the rest of it was gone. Less than an hour.I turned the lights out, and went in to relax.
The thing that bothered me most about this years Halloween was that most of the kids were'nt even dressed up, and didnt say anything (no "trick or treat", or even thank-you).It just aint like it used to be...i must just be getting old.
Plus , in the past few years my husband and/or my son was out there on the porch with me, this year both were working. So, i didnt dress up like i usually did either. Kind of a let down year. Oh well.
And, the family saga continues, but i'll not go into that anymore.
So, a good friend of mine told me tonight (and maybe this is why i have so many problems) that after listening to his story, i started talking about myself. Hmmm.Of course , i was offended.I had only started a few words of the response to his story when he said this, and i was only getting ready to relay a similar story (to share my agreement that people can be really stupid sometimes.)I mean, isnt this what a two way conversation sounds like?Maybe , i've been missing something.
Of course,just the other day he also insinuated i was getting the body of a 60 year old.I cant quote directly, as i would offend someone else.But here's my thoughts on the conversation bit:
If you talk about other people- you're a gossip.
If you talk about yourself- you're self -centered.
If you make small talk and generalities- you're boring.
If you ask ask alot of questions about the other person, after awhile it sounds like an interview.

So what in the world does one, do?
I thought about trying to have a conversation without using the word "I".
Try to imagine that.
I also remembered a few months back, when i started letting others carry the converstaion, while i just listened more. After about two weeks , the long silences and lack of new topics started getting the better of me, so that stopped.I felt obligated to fill the voids.On some occasions when i didnt, and just waited for the other person to continue, they abruptly stated they had to go.
I do try to be a lively conversationalist.Perhaps i should do recitations of Shakespearean drama, or practice from my "Anecdotes for all Occasions" book. Yes, i do own one.
Additionally, this friend also suggests that maybe menopause is the reason that i am so sensitive to things lately.
So here's the great picture i now have of myself:
1. I am fat & old
2. I am self centered.
3. My view on the world is altered because i'm getting closer to menopause.

Geeze...I guess i 'm just going to start wearing a shirt that says "I'm Insecure."
But, as a credit to the friend, he sometimes ends the converstation with "I love you"- the three words that make it all better...... right?

Saturday, October 31, 2009

My children, My heart

Today was my job interview for a perspective hospital job. I had to get up at 12 noon (only 5 hours of sleep). Top that off with an upsetting family issue, sitting in pain on my bruised buttocks and worrying about the pain i'll be in after my surgery-i am not so sure i gave a good interview.
After i got home, i kept thinking of things i should have asked or said.But, alas- no going back. I got a decent feeling that i have a shot at the position.The interviewer was very personable, and when i asked if they were interested in me she said yes. So now, the waiting game begins.

I have to say on a more enlightened note that, in spite of the frustration, recent events have opened my eyes to something i had never given too much thought to.
The type of love i have for my children.There are many ways parents show love to their children.There is putting a roof over their heads. There is buying them gifts.There is giving them advice.And there is taking them to the doctor when they are ill.I have a special type of love for my kids and although this isnt a "religious" blog, please indulge me a few lines.

  • I pray that i will always have the closeness and physical affection i share with my children, even now that they are adults.
  • I pray that i will always love them with my whole heart,that time will not wear me down, ,and
  • putting inconvenience aside,give generously of my own time, affection,and support
  • I pray that i will always make them feel special and cared for, and that they
  • know that they can look to me for help when they need it and always come first
  • I pray that by example they will learn the value & wisdom of forgiveness, kindness, and love over their own desires
  • And , most of all, i pray that they will never feel lost, or unloved, and if they do that i will care for them until they are well again.

I have become grateful for so many things lately as well.

  • I am grateful that my children still call me or text me everyday, sometimes several times a day.
  • I am grateful that my children still enjoy my company, and that we are still close.
  • I am grateful that i enjoy them, and would even if they were not my own.
  • I am grateful that i did not have abusive, or alcoholic, or drug addicted parents
  • I am grateful that God has taken care of me and my kids, even when i didnt know it.

When the world keeps spinning and things are really crazy, its no small blessing to know...

That you have your family.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


On the positive side, i ran 6.5 miles today! So proud of my self. i ran 5.5(in 38:38), then walked up a long, long hill, then ran another mile home.
And, lo & behold! What was my reward for this personal best? I was almost home, when my neighbors dog ran out in the road and bit me in the arse -not once, but twice! HARD!I have 3 bite marks & several bruises!
this is the sweetest golden retriever & has never done anything like that!I have walked past a thousand times, even with my dog and he has never run at us or out of the yard. I suspect 2 things:
a. The teenage son who had just opened the door to let him out forgot to turn on the invisible fence( or they dont have one, or it aint workin'!)
b. the dog just got over excited seeing someone running and was play-biting

I dont blame the dog- you know, instincts & all that.
I called their house twice for the parents to contact me to be sure he's up to date on his shots. Otherwise i gotta go get treated . I havent had a tetanus booster i dont think, so this is a real concern.
Aside from all that , i am more concerned that any dog would do that in a neighborhood with a boatload of young children who are constantly running in the street.Right in this very immediate area.I mean, we have several familys with 4-6 children who play sports in their yards, running in the street for balls, etc!
This also has enlightened me to the fact that i now have to get pepper spray to carry. i avoided getting it since i had only considered it being used for muggers , etc.and since i run in well populated areas in daylight, i felt i didnt need it. I had never stopped to think that at any given time i might encounter a biting animal.
One can never really predict what a dog might do, even if it has never done something before.
I had read stories, but now i will be taking more precautions.
I also have to inform these dog owners(if they ever call me back) that i will be utilizing said pepper spray on the dog if i have to in the future.
i dont want to, i hate the thought of doing that to such a normally sweet, docile animal. But it is only reasonable to protect myself from bites.
This comes on the heels of my preparation for next weeks surgery.
I surely dont wanna worry about rabies!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

New Era Agenda

I've decided what the new era will usher in for me.
It seems that this past year i have spent way too much time getting upset & being offended by other people.
I believe it is actually time to put this to bed.
While it is only human to become upset over an offense, after awhile it becomes impossible to figure out why people do the things they do.
The best & only response is forgiveness, and then moving on.
In fact, it is probable that most people dont realize they have offended someone.And it is also probable that most intentions are not evil .
For instance, while i have hosted many events for my neighbors, there are many times i have noted a get together to which i have not been invited.
Now, it is possible that i have such a crappy personality that no one wants me around. And , indeed, i have entertained & lameneted over this idea.Only to be invited to something afterward, negating the theory.
It is more probable, however, that the get together is being held for a group that has an agenda to which i am not, by choice, or otherwise , a part of. A book club, for instance. Or a family bbq.
In this case, it has taken me a good few years to realize this.
(Additionally, i realize that my work schedule precludes me from many things).
Another for instance would be social networking, which i have addressed many times even on this blog. I have gotten upset because i felt "out of the loop" or ignored. But , recently, i have discovered that it is "I" who have made the choice not to be hooked into a constant conversation on the computer all day.
And in other cases , i realize the things that bond people are not very desirable(to me)- excessive alcohol consumption would be one .School age children would be another- i am so over having that!Glad to have the kids i have , and looking forward to being a grandma, but no desire to raise another set!
In short, no matter what the offense, there is usually a reason behind it.And , even if it is truly rude, hurtful, or one in a series of many over the years, we need to summon up the spirit of forgiveness to overcome it.
And God will take care of the rest.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Family Fallout

I am DONE. After everything i have done for a certain family member she has really p*ssed me off.
And she just doesnt get it.
I am tired of playing second fiddle to another "family member". They always come first for her.
I have tried & tried to spend time with her- taking her to plays, ice capades, picnics, inviting her on vacation, etc. Tried to help her out & show i care.
Every thing i do seems to be in vain.
In fact, i am still just sick of everyone acting like i can just be blown off.
I am a good person.
I am a good friend.
I am a good daughter.
I am a good neighbor.
I go out of my way for people. And i just keep getting written off.
The only people who actually pay me any respect or support anymore are my in laws, my daughter and (usually) my husband. So that's who i'll be spending my time , love & energy on.
A new era is about to begin.
No longer will i seek the approval of my family or friends .I see now that my husband has been right all along.All we need is each other.
I am no longer going to be Mrs. Nice Guy- hosting dinners, sending cards, thinking of how i can help, bringing gifts to people, etc.
I figure at this point,if they want me , they can call or come see me.
Otherwise, i'm lookin out for # one, and those who have actually shown me that i matter.

The New Taboo

So here i am..first 5k! official time 30:51...only because i was sick as a dog, but compelled to fulfill my commitment. i think i look fat here. And i'm only 111lbs! i guess the camera does add 10 lbs..
Upside is, afterwards my hubbs(on the right there) treated me to a shopping treat for running gear...i got the nike+ ipod runners sport pack, a few long sleeve shirts and a pair of tights for those upcoming winter runs.
And , to address my last post:
1. I have been sick with a bad cold since last weds. and
2. couldnt post due to some error message on blogger and
3. my final decision on the whole(negativity) thing is that my son is a taboo topic of conversation due to the fact that i am sure that out of all the people in the world , i have the most experience dealing with him and , therefore, i know what is best for in spite of what anyone else might think.
Yes, i have come to the conclusion that after these many long years that every time i aquiesce to the guilt others have placed on me to do things differently when it comes to my son, the result is always more problems.
So I will no longer bend to the will of others, whether to be harder or softer on him ,and will follow my gut since when i have done this the outcome is immeasureably better.
And maybe someday, i will get the credit deserve. And someone will finally let me feel like i am not too stupid to raise my own son.And that, maybe i did know what i was doing after all.
Enough of that....i am still dealing with my nasty cold.i am truly sick of this whole swine flu thing and am convinced that no matter what one does( handwashing, gel, mask, gloves, etc) we are bound to catch something anyway.My son had a fever of 102.7 last week and was in bed 2 days. I have been staying away from hubbs, and not even going to the gym(constant vigilance!)to avoid touching the equipment.
Now if they can just make those dern vaccines available.....

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I'm really sick of just about everyone right now, so i will not even TRY to be positive.
Seems everyone thinks it's ok for me to compromise.(over& over again)
Or they think it's ok to ignore me.(after all,i'll always be around)
Or it's ok to be rude to me. (i don't have feelings anyway)
So until I feel better and start feeling worthwhile, i'm just gonna stop posting,etc.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Trick or Truth

Gist of my weekend.....
1. Treats:
-Early to bed sat AND sun nights
-reading a great novel series
-warm gingerbread topped with whip cream and some hot apple cider
-taking a brisk walk in the cool night air sunday after fri & sat slug shifts
- knockin around in warm , comfy sweats
2. Truths:
- the deal of a lifetime offered to my son
-my dog, tessa, in deeper decline
-ongoing saga of my daughter & her dad
-swine flu blues, a tinge of a cold, and lost work thereof
Now let's get down to that scenerio with the prodigal son....
SCENE: Late night @ our humble abode, son finally graces family with his presence after a weeklong furlow.Son knocks on mom's bedroom door.
Mom: Come in , son. i have a golden opportunity for you. Would you be willing to give up having a girlfriend for awhile to get to go to school , get a car , a better job & your own place?
Son: It would be too hard not to have a girlfriend. i need someone to talk to.

This is of course, an EXTREMELY condensed version of the conversation. But what the ..??
Do you see what i am dealing with? KIDS!!!!I mean, if i got that offer at his age..geeze.

On to the next issue...

On friday evening i got switched out of a case because the kid was admitted to the hospital with swine flu.i had not been in contact with him but had done a case in the past week where some of nurses who had been at that case also did a case i had been at. So sunday night comes and i am told (because i stupidly have a mild cold)that i have no work because i might have been exposed to a kid who was exposed to nurses who were exposed to swine flu.
oh. my. gosh.
Isnt it true that the average person who goes out in public may be exposed to someone who has it or has been exposed to someone else who has it? i mean.puleease!
So, anyhoo- i am told since i havent taken this pill(tamiflu) or been treated for the flu there may be an avalanche of repurcussions for all of the nurses in my boat.
Like, we wont be able to work.
STUPID! what are we???Are nurses to only care for healthy people? This is cold season. So we are now told that if we have ANY respiratory symptoms we have to stay home.
Do they really think that anyone can afford to take off if they have a cold for 2 weeks?
No one has the vaccine.
You dont get tamiflu unless you have the flu.
And tamiflu only treats existing flu not flu you might get later.
The CDC website says the test given for flu doesnt differentiate between swine & other types of flu.
So it's back to "where do i get the immunity i need to be allowed to work?"
It winds up that it doesnt matter.
I am working tonight because after i responded to the phone call to my agency (about how i was feeling today)i have work. I'll be darned if i'm gonna say i might have a cold.
I spent the day running errands , putting in 5 job applications and ran a 28 minute 3.2 miler.
Pretty darn good for a potential flu candidate, i'd say.
So- Take that, and i'll work unless i have a fever, or am vomiting(thank you very much).
After all , there are what? over a million different cold viruses out there?!!!
And that's the real TRUTH of it!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Few of my Favorite Things wireless internet service & laptop
2.leisure reading
4. biscotti & gourmet coffee keurig coffee maker
6. running
7.enlightening moments "have-to" days
10. yankee candles
11. Burt's Bees lip balm
12.fresh, fresh produce

Whats are some of yours?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Sweet Sunday

A very great day, i am pleased to report! Church, then a visit with my daughter, a 4mile run (and it felt great!i couldve run another mile or two!) then "time" with hubbs. And the happy ending dessert of a hot bath and a few hours of leisure reading.
Woo-hoo!i am almost done with the 5th Harry Potter book.
Down-side of this week has been a sick kid every night...vomiting, fevers, respiratory(lotsa mucous & suctioning), and just general fussiness.Kinda kills the mellow "me" by morning. And with taking the prednisone (for sinus's) i cannot sleep too well.
I have done 3 back to back runs this weekend. It's going really well, i will definitely be ready for the 5k!
I hear my mom made it to Florida, but as she seems to be ticked at me, she has not called . I had to hear this from my pop-pop(just so you know MOM).
Also, a new case i was to start this week is not to scheduler pulled me off of it because there were apparently "roaches crawling over the nurses feet while they tried to work" . Ewww!
If only people knew what we homecare nurses have to deal with. If it isnt overly controlling parents, dirty homes or working in an unsafe, ghetto area, it's walking into to preventable emergencies,disorganization,& siblings that stay up all night trying to talk to you or hack into your internet service.I tell ya, you gotta love your profession, if you dont , it'll make you one cynical, bitter b*tch.
I am planning on applying at a hospital and an LTAC next week. They are only one of a few that advertise hiring graduate nurses around here. I've been shot down twice already because i dont have any hospital experience, and apparently i need 18 months at least and up to 3 years minimum for a lot of them.oh well, gotta keep trying.
Well, i know this has been a "Dear Dairy" post, but i thought i'd catch anyone up to speed who hasnt been. Hope you're all well, good evenng and good nite!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Freedom Fighter

"How many times do we miss God's blessings because we can't see past our own desires?"- a quote from an unknown author.
I came upon this tonight as i was looking for some direction . The story was told about a young man who recieved a bible for graduation, got angry with his wealthy father because he was expecting a sports car. The son went on with his life , not speaking with his dad and when the father died he went to collect his inheritance. The son again saw the bible he'd left at his dads house many years ago and when he picked it up the key to the car and receipt that it was "paid in full" fell out of it.
Really put a chill in me.How often we DO miss our blessings!
Lately i had mentioned dwelling on the past year and having misgivings about what my future hold as an empty nester.
Tonight my thoughts have culminated in this:
Extreme gratefulness for the many, many blessings everyday that are so often overlooked. Particularly the one which hit me like a storm tonight .
Of the many blessings i have counted,I had never realized or considered the value of that . As i lay my head on my soft pillow, clean linens , wearing clothes that fit me, on a firm mattress with a roof over my head it suddenly hit me how free i am.
I get to choose when i lay down & get up. Which clothes i want to wear. When i turn my lights on & off. What books i want to read. Which food & beverages i want to consume.If i want to take a bath.
It frustrates me that so many in this world(more than we would like to think on) dont have these choices. In fact, many are slaves- sex slaves, sweatshop workers,victims of AIDS (possibly passed to them by a parent),and some are just so poor they are at the mercy of those who would take advantage.Lots have no clean water. Some are homeless . Many are beaten in the streets.Some are imprisoned without a trial.
That as we go about our day,
We stop......... & remember to live intensely grateful for our choices.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Post Run Proper

So , yesterday i followed a suggested post run sequence. Here it is LOOSELY translated from Runner's World magazine-October 2009 edition:
After your run, in this order:
1. first 5-10 minutes-walk til your breathing returns to an even, normal pattern(cool down)
2. Then do 15 minutes of stretching
3.@ 30-45 minutes eat a carb( i had cheerios with soy milk)
4. then - and this was the worst part! take a 5-15 minute ice bath.i could barely tolerate the 5 minutes. but after i got out it really did feel good! this step is supposed to reduce inflammation.and i didnt have any soreness that night.
5.elevate your legs & feet, relaxing while reading(or tv if thats what you want).

i have to admit , it really did help. I actually wished i would have done it today after weight lifting and biking because i am sore right now!!
I guess i have to work up the courage for that ice bath again!
Today , my mom called me sometime in the past week or two and is dealing with some stressful things. I gave her what advice i could but she is exteremly frustrated. Hopefully she wil be able to enjoy her vacation .
Gotta run- kid cryin"!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The Ronald McDonald House

Tonight i am at the Ronald McDonald House for work. For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a facility that allows parents of chronically & terminally ill patients to stay for free during any prolonged hospital stay in The Hershey Medical Center . For instance, the kids who are born premature and need to stay in the hospital until they are stable enough to go home ( the parents of trached & vented kids have to go through an intense daily 6 week program before their child can be released to them on a home vent) or like the case i have tonight. This child is the one with brain cancer who has been recieving chemo, and now will be starting radiation therapy for about 6 weeks next week.The child & parent are staying in this room(like a hotel room) so that they can transport to the hospital each day right across the street. Also this allows for close monitoring of the child during this critical time.I plan to do a bit more research on the place tonight to expand my knowledge base about what protocols are in place for a familys acceptance for a room . It is really quiet here,and mom is sleeping in the room with us. But there is a small sofa and an outlet for the 'puter so it's not too awful.I think mom is having a hard time sleeping since every little noise i make (including typing on the keyboard) can probably be heard for miles.This is her first night here, and i suggested she have someone bring her a radio at least. Theres no tv.
Today i went to see the ENT . I am scheduled to have surgery November 2. Apparently, i will have to get a ride to & from because i will be under general anesthesia, and instead of the 3 expected days off it is now 4-5 days off. This really blows because i had plans to go white water kayaking the 2 days prior & really cant afford to take more days off. But i know i need to have it done a.s.a.p. and before my husbands company changes insurance companies (soon).I have to work out some stuff with Hubbs to see if i need to cancel my trip or not. Really BUMMED about it!
I have been continuing my endeavors to schedule when i will be doing the dollar a day diet. As it stands, with the 5 k race coming up and this now scheduled surgery,so it looks like one week in mid november will be the plan. Although i will be buying for a 30 day plan, i believe 7 days will give me the gist of it.
In any case, this endeavor has been accidentally (perhaps) been leading me to places where i have been ever so enlightened as to the plight of the poor.
For instance, i never realized that in some places , a person must spend over half of their daily pay to purchase dry paper just to start a fire to cook on! Another epiphany- since most homeless people have no where to store thier food, most of it must be purchased daily, in which case it is much harder to save money or stretch any food dollars.I sit and ponder these things at time realizing many other obstacles that i might have to overcome if i became homeless. One big one would be my PRIDE.Like having to wash in public restrooms, using whatever soap was available, having to rotate places i could glean free condiments from so as not to arouse suspicion or get asked to leave.
This post has been longer than intended , but i will likely expand upon this in the future. Until then...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Last Year/This Year

The grass may look greener on the other side, but you're still gonna have to mow when you get over there ,too.
In that light, let me begin.
Blame it on the full moon (or at least a really big moon) or because i'm premenstrual or perimenopausal or postnasal.Whatever!....
I have been dwelling today. A bit depressed really, a bit sentimental . Really doing a number on myself.
"Last year was so much better than this year. "
"How can things have changed so much?"
" Why do i have less ambition....less energy.....?"
"Why do i insist on reminiscing constantly?"
" We did this, that, and the other thing last year."
" I just remember enjoying myself so much more last year."
...and on & on.
So, i have decided to make a short list of the difference a year makes.Let's Go!

Last Year:
1.I was a blonde most of the year
2. My daughter came to live with me
3.I was doing Yoga twice a week
4.I travelled ALOT
5.I took my mom on quite a few ventures, and it was the first time she came on vacation with us.
6.My daughter got her tonsils out
7. My son was still dating his long-time girlfriend and had a lot of freinds
8.I was studying almost every night
9.I went camping
10. i got a new car

This year:
1.I am a brunnette
2. Both my kids have basically moved out (my son techinically still lives at home, but he's 18 & not home much)-sigh- empty nest.
3.I began running
4.I have only travelled 3 times
5.My allergies are TERRIBLE
6. Our lawn is improving
7.I've lost my life long desire to clean my house. I only do it with hatred now.
8. My dog is declining and costing us a small fortune
9. I became an RN
10. I hosted Easter Dinner, a Graduation party,an engagement dinner,a baby shower, and will be having Christmas dinner
Things have really taken a turn in so many ways. I hope that next year bi can finally decide what direction my life will take. I havent had much luck with applying for jobs- no experience in a hospital setting as an RN.And these online apps are a pain....i refuse to do anymore of them. One little lapse in service and the you lose the whole thing.
But i'll at least try to be positive.
Despite my aching back, sore nose,nausea & cramps tonight. And start look forward to my next saturday night off!

So, todaysFunFactor: while i was at the gym tonight i decided to try to imagine which mythical creature group each person would be- an elf, goblin, unicorn, centaur, minotaur, fairy, etc.I firmly believe that we should still engage our imaginations as adults. And, what the hay-- it sure made things more interesting!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Cant Believe i forgot!

After a month now i finally remember to post that ibecame an aunt for the second time the day before i left on vacation. Things were crazy that day, not to mention i was really sick ! but anyway, i finally got to hold the cute little monkey today & here she is...Mikki Lynn! Tada!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Motherus Visitus

Well, even though nothing exciting happened today i did get a spontaneous "visit" from my son & his girlfriend.
Yes, i've become one of those moms. I have moved from the realm of having live in kids, to getting "the maintainence visits".
I love my kids.
I miss them.
It wasnt that long ago when they were both here and driving me (lovingly)nuts!
So, after spending my day cleaning, making pumpkin bread, walking the dog ,i am now settling in to watch a movie and perhaps read a bit.
Do you see why i resort to weird measures to break the monotony?
My dalmation ,Tessa, is on even more meds now, owing to a visist thurs . to the vet where they were supposed to express her anal glands and clip her nails. Lo & behold, and as usual, instead of a simple and inexpensive 15 minute appointment, i wound up being there an hour (allergies in an uproar) and spending $140.00 .What a racket. They said she may have an infection (glandular abcess)so now she is on even more pills. And one is twice a day.
I love my pets, but much like the kiddos, they can be stressful and expensive at times.
Well, Halloween is almost here and i will not be in the 'hood this year to hand out candy. A friend & i are going white water kayaking.He says the temps are gonna be pretty low.
We have planned on camping as well, but only because i cant afford much at the moment . A warm room would be nice, and there'd be a lot less packing. maybe if i can sell the house before then...just kidding!
I cant wait !
Other news...i'm back to running- was out twice this week. the second run sucked though since i started out nauseaus.
Gotta Fly!


I almost forgot!
I have a FunFactor to share:preparing all kinds of bean dishes for my husband this week and watching him walk to the bathroom every half hour or so!
Of course, i have to make him sleep in the guest room.But, still!
Ahhh, what one must do to have a little fun in her life.....

Short & Sweet

So the countdown begins until Tuesday when i get to go see the ENT.
This is one Dr. visit i am ecstatic about !
I am so sick of this stuffed up nose & exasperated with breathing through my mouth!
Today, my daughter came to visit .I gave her her very first Coach bag. We are starting her out small so she has something to aspire to. I got my new yearly collection (2 plus a wallet) and am pretty happy , athough i hope next year i will be brave enough to get a non- neutral color. There was a gorgeous pale pink one, but i couldnt justify gettting it. Got black ones instead.
Tomorrow is a "free" day for me..i have no plans!
I hope something spontaneous happens!
Until then .....

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Cute Discovery

When i got home from vacation , i went out on my deck to check on things and imagine my suprise when i discovered this cute little eggplant growing!Out of all the plants i started in containers this was the last one i expected to grow or bear fruit. This little guy is about 3-4 " long. I also found that , finally, a bunch of my very sweet little cherry tomatoes had ripened and i was able to use them in last nights salad.

And, yes, you read that right. I am back to eating my regular healthy foods. I noted immediate "relief" this morning. I am definitely one whose body favors fresh fruits & veggies- provable by better G.I. functioning!
I am still thinking about that $1 a day diet. At the grocery store yesterday, i took note that bananas are probably the cheapest fresh fruit at 39-42 cents a lb. Other possible fruits may be Kiwi at 50 cents a piece and mangoes - a whole bag for $1.99.In the fresh veggie department, i believe i could get by on some romaine lettuce mixed with some (rinsed) diced tomatoes(59 cents for a large can) and baby carrots always seem to be on sale for 99 cents a bag or 1.99 buy one get one free.
Combining these items with cheap pasta (elbow macaroni - small boxes 2 for 1.00 , sometimes less) and oatmeal- a very large container for 1.87, i might even be able to swing peanut butter- jar for a buck at the $ store. But if not dried beans make an excellent crock pot meal (16 bean soup for just over a dollar) and would probably serve at least 5 meals.
I am considering other items but hadnt time to check on price.
Alas , if all else fails i guess i can always consult my Eat-a -Bug cookbook. Yes, it is real and not a joke.i recall that it has a recipe for grinding dried mealworms into a flour.
Until then i will continue to do research. I have decided i will start out with a $30 dollar for 30 day plan .
Keep ya posted!

Sunday, September 27, 2009


After a long drive & 5 stops to adjust the bikes on their rack, i am finally home. everything is put away and, as i expected , my allergies are starting to flare again. The combination of this areas pollen and my 2 cats definitely are the problem. I had only a few short bouts with sinus trouble down at the beach.
I'm pretty wiped out and am soooo glad i don't have to work til tomorrow night.
Overall , we had a pretty great time, and were happy to have family around this time (although i did enjoy my time completely alone!)
But Now it is back to reality and tomorrow i hit the ground running- getting groceries, returning movies & library books, packing my lunch and going to the gym.Sometimes i wish everyday was vacation:)
So, until another post.......namaste!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Last Day Blues

Well, it's finally here. Depressing and the weather sucks too. This means hubbs will have to ride the cycle home in the rain.I am posting a few more pics and then going up to try to enjoy the rest of my time here.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A few days more:(

The days have been blurring one into the next. Monday was dismal so we all spent the day indoors playing games & doing a puzzle.Tuesday Hubbs & i drove up to see the Currituck Lighthouse(the only one of the 4 famous of the Outer Banks I hadnt seen) then drove the beach in Corolla on a self-guided Wild Horse tour.It was very scary driving over the dunes at first in the Jeep but eventually i got used to it.Unbelievably, all the roads are sand up there...i mean deep, soft sand in most places and almost no road signs. I cant undertstand how anyone gets their mail . And not a store for miles!
We did see about 10 or so of the 90 wild horses on that 12,000 acre piece of land. They truly do rule the area , wandering wherever they want. The ones we saw were in carports, yards, etc.
Wednesday was my first piece of repossessed freedom!My parents went out to sight see and Hubbs motorbiked it to Elizabeth City to a Harley store. I was again able to laze about on the beach drinking wine for about 5 glorious hours all alone.Later we tried to see a sunset on Pamlico Sound (occluded by clouds) and watched "Marley & Me". I've seen it twice, a very nice story.

Today i hope to amble around on the juicy icing -like fingers of the sea. I saw another group of dolphins this morning playing close to shore for about half an hour.
I have purchased several books I'll be digging into and we plan to dine at Dirty Dicks Crabhouse with the family this evening. Man, i sure am dreading to leave this place!

Monday, September 21, 2009

Quick Update

From the lavender surf rolling in while i laze about in my robe, to the soft sandy carpet my feet play with while lounging with a book - what is there not to love about the beach?
I will tell you.
1.mosquitos- only a slight problem the past few days
2. missing the days i had alone in this place- now surrounded by family since thursday
3.the spotty internet service
4.(and this is my own fault)-malfunctioning bowels. yes, i have been eating terribly- and , not only do i feel like a complete slug, i really need to go buy some kind of laxative today.
My husband arrived Weds. night and his parents arrived thursday afternoon. And, although his mom is wonderful, she cooks too well, and you simply cannot put a dish down or she will scoop it up & wisk it away to the sink for immediate scrubbing.She enjoys doing these things for others . It gives her pleasure. I love her for it, but it is a bit unnerving.
My daughter & her fiance came friday night and we spent most of saturday going to Ocrakoke.We all played Trivial Pursuit in the evening and they had to leave sunday by noon. Then at about 2:30 pm MY parents arrived.
I wasnt on the welcoming commitee since we were fishing on the sound side and returned by 5:30. We watched "The Gladiator" and went to bed.
My hubbs hasnt really caught any fish this week but keeps trying(God love him) .
So there ya have it - an update. I hope to post one more time before i leave with a few more pictures.
Until i am regular again.......adios~!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Days , and more Days!

the movie house...i think, anyway
i t seems tom hanks has washed up on shore somewhere. tell him wilson will be returned when the ransom is paid.

strange "pole of fish tails" on the peir

view from balcony

On day two, as i drank coffee from the balcony, my first view pure pleasure of began with the sunrise, followed by a fish jumping out of the waves. I thought to myself"ahhh, i have finally arrived".But, no! The most spectacular was yet to come.
Next i watched as a finely built young man launched his sea kayak into the ocean . Interesting to see, as i might just try this myself before i leave. But whilst veiwing his venture ,low & behold a large school of dolphins came swimming & playfully jumping through the waves - closer to the shore than even the kayaker! i have NEVER seen definite dolphins from my house down here. I watched with awe & glee , delighting in their absolute loveliness. A second school went by a few minutes later seemimg to chase the first, and i had found my heaven!
When i was more sufficently dressed, i walked the whole two minutes to the peir and paid the dollar to walk it.Fishermen littered the edges, along with coolers and i listened to their local dialect discussing their craft.I walked 1.5 miles "up the beach" to take pictures of the house from the movie "Nights in Rodanthe".Fine house really, and it was for rent...but alas , i could not locate where one would park- no driveway at all.
In the afternoon, i again sat reading Harry Potter on the beach for hours and took another walk "down the beach".
I have finally gotten the pictures on here so i'll post a few....

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The First Days

I'm finally getting around to posting since i have arrived on vacation here in Rodanthe, NC. I have only taken a few photos so far and so i will not be posting them yet.One thing i have noticed is that we, the human race, certainly seem to resist breaking our routines- even while on vacation.
Sure, we may sleep in longer, or eat crazily, or try a few new sports or visit some tourist sights. But over all, we still take pictures of beautiful nature scenes.We still get in the shower sometime within the usual timeframe, have our meals at the usual time,watch the same old tv shows,etc. For me i have noticed most of the aforementioned .The difference being that i am forced to take a shower instead of preferred bath,and i hardly EVER watch tv but have been watching old movies on (gasp!)the country music channel or some such station in the evening .
Most people here are doing the exact same things i see every year when i come down. Plucking the jewels of the sea and other bones of Tritan's supper from the sandy landscape early in the morning,drinking coffee from their balcony breathing in the sunrise and briney air, purchasing trinkets they hope will remind them of their abscence from bliss once they totter back into their own living room.
I find myself being a true sloth, eating poorly and foregoing exercise these first few days here.Yesterday after eating breakfast at a diner (alone-it was pure heaven!) and getting groceries i sat on the beach practically all afternoon getting tipsy on a whole bottle of wine plus a wine cooler. I then staggered down the beach & back with a half hearted attempt to exercise and sober up , petting stranger's dogs along the way and barely noticing the people before going in to prepare a rich meal for one and I almost fell asleep in my robe on the sofa with a blanket.I left dishes in the sink and DIDNT CLEAN UP!
At this point, the place is a mess. I've been living & enjoying the life of a bachlorette. I get one , maybe two more days to do so before the cavalry arrives(family) and so i will have to clean up eventually.
But until then,i will get to leave doors open all over the house, dirty clothes on the floor, leave my bed unmade,and get along with no watch or clock.I will have total control of the remote.I will dance naked to loud music while eating candy bars.I will not scoop the cat litter,check the mail,water the plants, or wait for anyone to wake up before i make noise. And i dont feel any remorse about it either.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Sleepless & the Cattle

And the pigs, and the goats, and the hay...i've been at a farm at night for 2 weeks (a new case) and my sinuses are paying for it.
When you can breathe, you don't sleep.
Simple as that.
My fervent wish at this point is to at least enjoy my vacation. I have an appointment after with a specialist, an ENT, about surgery for my deviate septum & some polyps. If nothing else, it will give me more "room " to breathe.
Anyway, i am now counting hours instead of days til the vacay. I will leave sunday at about 8am. It should take about 7 1/2 hours to get there.
After checking in , then unloading, i will head out for groceries(unless i'm too wiped out- i have a back up plan for breakfast if i want to wait til the morning).
The rest of my days will be history in the making.
I plan to read alot, eat whatever i want, watch movies, and sleep whatever hours i am moved to.
I hope all my guests will understand! I may be up in the middle of the night for no good reason!
So, until i arrive i wont be enjy yourselves out there!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Pre- Vacation Week

This is what i believe i've been trying to figure out for all the years i've been vacationing.
After striving so many a time to figure out the right "balance" of prep time for vacation, this year i have taken a week right before to do things just right.
I had toyed over the years with trying to pack over a months time, a little at a time. Then i tried the last minute thing. I tried a week ahead, then 3 days ahead. None of it seemed to work well.
Finally, it is working- i have taken this whole week of a "mini-vacation" which means i am still working, but have released myself from all normal obligations such as appointments, running, gym time , etc. in order to tie up all the loose ends that have been plagueing me for months- like organizing my pantry , closets, and office(one area each day) then spending another day adding stuff to my final packing list, another day last minute shopping, and a final day to just relax before packing everything and having hubbs load it up.It's sort like winding down into vacation so i don't have to waste the first few days doing it when i get there!
It is well worth trying .It sounds tedious, but the trick is that you know you dont have to go anywhere, rush to finish anything, and your mind is clearer to remember last minute details.
My husband , on the other hand, has decided to run and go to the gym this week.
He almost slipped out without cleaning his shower today-GADS!
(It was pretty gross & i'd been asking for months so i had to get forceful about it today. The last time he cleaned it was November '08. I mean, seriously. Only bachelors live like that.)
2 mores update: I am still not an aunt. And i have started to read the Harry Potter series after 2 very intelligent adults recommended it - and they were correct- it is very good adult reading!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ending World Hunger

Ok.....did i have you at hello?=)

What i am actually talking about here is a potential project discusssed with a friend this very evening.
I am going to attempt to eat on a dollar a day.
Yes, i know this can be done . We threw around a few ideas as to how it might work.
I am talking about doing this without much, if any , preparation. This means no gardening, or going to bakeries for day old throw aways, no canning or freezing, etc.
This is a WANTING LESS short term experiment to proove it can be done - in my world.
I have discovered this evening that there are a few great blogs , websites, and food/recipe sites which cater to this very thing.The dollar -a-day -diet!Wow !Who knew it was so popular?
The very first brainstorming session included the following ideas:
1. lots of grains-oatmeal, rice, etc-
2. lotsa pasta
3.kiwis, canned mandarin oranges
4. dried beans
5. use of already planted herbs as 'salad greens' substitutes
6. Home-made bread (recipe uses only flour , salt, teast & water)

Additionally my research tonight has encouraged me to consider:
1. cabbage
2. ramen noodles
3.canned tomatoes
4. home-made tortillas

There was ALOT of info out there!I also looked at my local Giants online circular to note recent prices of fruits/ veggies in season. I noted that most of the year bananas are actually the cheapest fruit per pound.Right now peaches & apples are only 99 cents a lb. in my area.I figure as well that i can buy a head of lettuce and a bag of baby carrots for about a dollar , put the carrots in the food processor and add some of the above ideas for variety.

Currently , i take a salad each night to work. The fresh fruits & veggies i eat in addition to that each night are too expensive for this project.
I will not be using anything i already have in my pantry (including oils or spices, but will include salt & pepper since i could easily swipe these at any convenience or fast food store), it will not include cost of water or coffee and i will start at $ 7.00 for 7 days.No cheating by buying bulk for the month- just to keep it honest!
Will start sometime after vacation. This gives time for research & thought.
We'll see how it goes ....Namaste!!!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Writers Block

Sorry i havent been posting. Having a bit of writers block.
Just to catch up the family/freinds- My husband has decided that my son is going to stay with us now. The plan is that he will give us a % of his checks as "rent". Unbeknownst to him, it will be saved for a security deposit & first months rent. In my heart , i know he isnt ready to go out on his own & we are both afraid he will panic & make some bad choices out of desperation which may affect the rest of his life.
Like theft, etc.
I also know, though, deeper in my heart that he may never change or be ready. What we have right now is a temporary fix.The other side is that he has to look for better work, and do something about his car situation.If only he hadnt wrecked the first car we gave him his whole situation wouldve been different. He would have decent transport, money saved up and a better chance.
In other news...
ONLY 10 DAYS TIL VACATION!wahoo!I will be soon packing and getting ready for some much needed alone time. I'll be completely alone for the first few days. I dont even know what to think of that.I hear facials, book reading, eating, sunning, and of course blogging calling my name.
I've been at a new case , and the first few weeks are always an adjustment period. The vent was set too sensitively and was alarming constantly last night. Tonight baby is restless and satting low, sometimes with high heart rate. Unnerving , especially till you know the kid & what their norms are gonna be.
Also, we are still prepping for our 5k. Hubbs has run with me 3 times this week and has been ahead of me by about 4 mins each times. Kudos to him.
And , so , for now, i gotta go. Duty calls and the catching up is done. Still waiting patiently to be an auntie...Later!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Didnt post the last two nights. havent had a lot to say. I did get stung by a bee, pinched by a laundry basket, and chaffed by running shorts yesterday.Then today we had a medical examiner come for a life insurance policy so we had to fast 4-6 hours, the she was an hour late(which took me to 14 hours without food) then got stuck by a needle for the blood draw.
So over all the last few days were ouchie.
Hubbs & i ran the 4 mile loop& biked 4 on monday. today was arm day at the gym. Tomorrow i take the kid to his last counselor appointment before he turns 18. After a few events with him this week, i am feeling extremely confused as to whether i can live with kicking him out. He is truly lost. I guess i'll figure it out.
I have decided to have a cook out at my house this weekend for a few nieghbors but at this late date i dont know how many will come. only one has said yes, and that is the couple that decided to not have a party at the last hour.
Anyway, i hope to have a better post this week . The countdown is truly on for the beach now, so i'm getting excited!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

10 Secrets About Me

which are no longer secrets , obviously!
1. i used to have an imaginary friend named Zutsi when i was about 8 or 9. He was a large pink & white dog .
2.i have a wishbone fetish. i absolutely cannot throw away any wishbones. I currently have a large collection of them hidden away in a dark cabinet.i have no idea why i do this. and , no, i do not use them in any voo doo rituals!
3.i cannot live without my burts bees lip balm.if i was stranded on a desert island , and had to chose only one item from home to have this would be my choice.
4.i have always had a crush on Lurch from the Adams Family.tall, dark & gruesome ,i guess.
5.i ask myself the same question every day. "what is wrong with me?" i may never have the answer.Maybe it's just menopause.
6. even though i just completed my degree, a huge part of me wonders if i still want to be a nurse
7.i hide stashes of sugary items from my husband so that only i can eat them, He still doesnt know about the big bag of peanut M&M's ....
8.i get really mad at myself for being so sensitive's just as hard for me to make myself exercise as it was 15 years ago.i have to talk myself into it everytime.
10.Strange things fascinate me-tombstones,groundhogs, stuff in other peoples grocery carts,the kama sutra, and surfers- to name just a few.

Friday, August 28, 2009

A Proud Moment

I am ecstatic .
I was able to run 4 straight miles in under 45 minutes tonight. But , yet, this alone is not really why.
I took a new route on a loop around a business park that i'd mapped out via bike last week. There is a hotel on this loop and while running i had the privilege of "people-watching"- one of my very fav activities.(and free , too!)
One of the hotel guests was walking this route with her daughter. This is a 2 mile loop which i had to go' round twice(one time in reverse to counter the camber).
My elation is that i am finally able to lay my guilt to rest.For about 6 months now i have been struggling with feeling bad about being predjudiced against fat people. I admit that i have been predjudiced about it almost my whole life.
When i became a Christian 4 years ago , i started to feel bad about this but was unable to get past the things like increased health care premiums , taking up 2 seats on an airplane, having to circumvent the motorized cart riders in the store, etc. All of it made me bitter & resentful that i had to be"punished" for being able to control myself at the dinner table, and being disciplined enough to exercise.The worst part was being pushed, literally pushed, by a fat person while merely trying to stand in line somewhere, trying to get at something in a store , or them trying to get past me for some reason.
I mean, i am small. It doesnt take much to knock me over if you weigh more than 200 lbs.
But tonight, i am happy to report that i have proven to myself that it is actually NOT about them being fat. (Rudeness is a whole other animal, however.)
The mother & daughter i noticed walking were definitely not slim. I would venture to say mom weighed around 175 and the kid (about 9 or 10 years old) was around 90-100.BUT--- they were actually doing something . They were acting in a health-conscious manner. They were being active.
When i first saw them i was on my maiden loop . Up ahead i could barely see the two figures. Both were running, or attempting to. It didnt last long, they stopped & started walking after only a few seconds. Right then i couldnt tell if they were young, heavy, or what since they were approxmately half a mile ahead. When i got closer their size came into focus, and as i passed them, smiling, i wondered if they had just been chasing something and really were'nt out for very long.
But as i made my second loop, i passed them again.Yes, they WERE actually walking the whole loop.My heart was singing, i was so proud.
I didnt need to know them.
I was just so happy for them.
And i was especially proud of the mom, showing a great example to her daughter.
It was also proof positive to myself that i harbor no sterotypical grudge towards someone simply being overwieght. I am not a" size-ist"!!My attitude of disgust is truly toward those who refuse to even try to exercise or eat right. It is towards those who use excuses and expect others to cater to them and dont seem to care if they inconvenience others.It is toward those whose excuses become problems that become new excuses.
So---I stand firm in my previous notion,now a reality. I dont hate fat people.....
just fat heads.