Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Year Of Blessings

Still pondering my daughters recent attitude change(she's been as moody as a starving crododile),i find myself struggling to figure out a few things.Most importantly, the question all parents ask: where did i go wrong?
With my daughter , i initially chalked it up to PMS. But it's been going on for more than a few days now. This, in spite of all i've done for her , including the gym membership i ascertained for her yesteday. (Yes, she will have to pay me back, but i did the leg work.)This, after the $300 we gave her for Christmas toward her final tuition payment. This, after making a car payment for her only a 2 weeks ago so they wouldnt repo her jeep.
It's not that she is actually ungrateful. She isnt. It's just the moodiness that upsets me. I sure hope it goes away soon.
And with my son. Same deal. He also received $300 off his debt to us, has been getting rides to work from me, my husband and daughter.He has cable tv in his room.And yet, he actually acts ungrateful. I truly dont think he realizes it either in spite of being disciplined for it over & over.

I guess i gotta just accept that kids dont really appreciate anything for very long, at least until they have their own kids and come to understand all the sacrifice and heartbreak that goes into raising them.
Dont get me wrong, i love my kids to pieces. I'd jump in front of a train to save them.
Someday, when & if i have grandchildren, i know my kids will "get it".
Now, for the promised list of blessings and changes....This past year:

  • my family memebers and friends are all still alive and in good health. I thank God for each and everyone of their lives
  • i have a beautiful home to clean and take care of, that shelters my family and pets
  • i am eating more healthfully than at any other time in my life(with the obvious exception of holiday cookie mania)
  • I have a car that pleases me in every way-from the built in gps, heated seats, and 6 disc cd changer to the gas mileage, leg room and easy to clean interior .Plus the exterior color hardly shows the dirt(i've only washed it twice since May!)
  • our credit card debt is finally below 2 grand. Although it will go up over the next 2 months, all of that will be education related.My husband has done a good job with that. I'm glad i trusted him with it.
  • i've been able to influence others in areas including healthier food choices, exercise, extracurricular activities, and community connectedness.I've also connected with people way more this year and acheived my goal of putting people ahead of things on my importance list. I plan on keeping this a theme in my life.
  • I was finally able to convince my family to have a "no-gift" christmas. Even though we still got gifts, they were low key items. We gave 3 lotto tickets to each person.My goal for the next year is to implement more emphasis on doing things together on birthdays, holidays and in the summer, with way less expense.The ultimate goal would be to spend no money,except perhaps groceries for cookouts, in favor of just spendinga few hours with each other in quality time- cooking together, watching home movies,looking at photo albums. And with friends i like the coffee dates, evenings chatting over wine or a few beers, reading poetry aloud , discussing good books and sharing life experiences.
  • i learned to appreciate some of the finer , free or low-cost things in life. Some were new to me (utilizing online tv shows and free you tube videos, plus Facebook and this blog,)nd some were just forgotten over the years(camping, coffee dates, hikes & picnics).
  • I learned that there is such a thing as too much vacation, as well as a more satisfying vacation for less money

So there it is.For more information on ways i've simplified see my FunFcators and Everyday Adventures included in many of my posts .Tomorrow, i will be posting another list (and then i'll forego lists for awhile) of the top 10 biggest influences in my life.And lest i forget.....

Todays FunFactor: Speaking with a foriegn accent for a day can be really fun, as long as you dont make the people who already know you (like neighbors) think you've gone mad. But come to think of it, that might be just as much fun!


Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Here's to leaving it all Behind!

FunFactor:For anyone who has a fat. lazy cat...please click here:
I like to watch this when i myself am feeling like a lazy bloated calf, which is fairly often. This time of the year is especially hard on us cookie monsters!
So, let us catch up with the events of this blessed month.
1.My daughter is still living with us , thankfully, but she has just enlightened me of her possible future plans to move out before graduation. Why on earth would someone in her position do such a thing is beyond me. She has school til July. Now that her tuition is paid for she could focus on other things like saving for a better car. The one she has stalls & needs a new alternator. If i was staying in a place where all my needs were met for free, and i was going to school, i certainly would milk it as long as possible. Kids!
She's also been doing her fair share of dating & bar hopping. I encourage her to go have fun and enjoy the single life for awhile. But i cant imagine what would happen if she had to pay for an apartment, or share one (again) with a roommate before she graduates.I have a feeling her priorities would change for the worse under the pressure(peer & financial). Most of her friends are barflies and tempt her to go out pretty often.
2.Next : my son....just wrecked another car. We took away the license and are selling his car.He now has to find rides to work until he can pay his debts off , save for another car, and get his own insurance. This will take time, if it ever even happens. But for now, he's juggling two jobs, school and a senior project while still trying to have a girlfriend and some bit of social life. As much as he ticks me off, i feel for him. Life is difficult at best. I wish he wouldnt have screwed up so young.
3.Another subject: My brothers ex is still around and somehow now the stakes are higher. I cant publish the real deal on here, in order to protect his confidence. But at least i did get a sincere apology from the girl (albeit on Facebook).And I still believe in the use of condoms...amen!

4.This month all total there were three car wrecks :besides my son, there was my mothers and a friends. I am still counting my blessings that no one was hurt or killed.Another friends mom attempted suicide , my daughter had unexpected surgery, there was the holidays and my own grappling with the potential loss of half of my husbands current income in the New Year.

(I'm gonna take a brake here and insert my Everyday Adventure .Today after hectic rushing around during rush hour my 2 kids and my sons girlfriend were stuck in traffic for almost an hour. The thing that got us through was a Cd of "the best of the Culture Club". the music is so upbeat and yet familiar, we were all bobbing our heads , singing along and joking instead of griping. In the mist of all the chaos, adventurous merriment was found. )

More, for less.

I think over all i handled this month fairly well. In true human form, i did vent a normal amount. And i thank my freinds for listening.I'm ever so grateful for the love & grace i've been given .

I want to close out this year tomorrow by listing all of my blessings, including the changes i've made to find a more fruitful & simple life.I'm still on my journey, and i'm still a student of the universe. But i fell i've made some progress.
And one thing still rings true.The best things in life are free. You betcha!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dealings with a Neanderthal

Yep!That's me, cutting into a giant sub ring at my moms Christmas eve.For more photos, friends can find me on facebook.

And I wonder why i cant lose these 6 lbs that are driving me insane.

On to another subject I have been discussing with a friend for a few nights-my husbands idiotic attempts to be the "nice guy" at my expense.

For the last several weeks my husband has been acting like the "class clown" at our house to gain the attention and favor of my two kids. This would be fine except that he uses me as the focus of his humor , insisting on pointing out how i am this way or that and "isnt she like that? hahaha!"

In all honesty, i put up with it for a time or two without getting upset because i realized it was his way of "bonding" with my daughter when she first moved in.To this i said to myself "why couldnt you have bonded with her 6 years ago and why cant you choose a less immature way to do it?" oh well.

But lately , he has coralled BOTH of my offspring into the games, thinking that they are "siding" with him against me. Hence, hubs is the 'nice guy', andmom is the 'miserable' one for not joining in on the fun(of making fun of myself-?). I decided tonight to let him in on the fact that they are both just more scared of him than they are of me and that even in the animal kingdom survival necessitates submission to the "big dog".Of course , it's like casting pearls before swine. The cro-magnum understands none of it.

In fact , he insists that my children are now "coming to him" instead of me. The example he used was that my daughter told him about a humorous zit popping issue she witnessed and didnt tell me. Yeah, he's really the new "confidante" alright. Give me strength!

How does one handle these types of situations? I have been letting him target me over allowing it to progress to a new level of resentment towards my kids. I am hoping i can stick it out til next fall when they are both out.

All i can say is that if i should fail and explode at him before hand, i'll be sure to post from another address shortly thereafter. And all i can hope for him is that he will be able to open a can of soup all by himself, lest he starve without his kitchen maid.


Friday, December 26, 2008

A Note of Appreciation

In honor of the holiday , I'd like to share with you all the most priceless & wonderful gift I have ever received.
Here (drum roll) is the only gift my daughter could afford this year, and yet, it is the best one she could have ever given.
A letter to her mom. Enjoy!

Mommy Dearest,

This Christmas I've been down in the dumps reflecting on the fact that i cant afford to buy gifts for all the special people in my life. However, over the past few weeks ,with a lot of great advice from you,i realized that no store-bought item would say what i feel anyway.
You've helped me to experience God & family again, which in turn has allowed me to discover who i am.Thank you for being there for me in the past & not giving up on me.I want to apologize for the hurtful things (i've said) and (the way) I've treated you before. Even though you might not have heard it,I forgive you for the decisions you made concerning visitation when i was 16. I understand why you did it.
This Christmas I am looking forward to truly experiencing the meaning of the holiday-family and love.
Because of your selflessness i have a place to live, food to eat,and the will to continue with school.
Because of your love i have a second opportunity to develop a relationship with my brother.
Because of your determination, i am discovering my independence, confidence and path in life.

This Christmas i am learning to be grateful for what i have rather than what i dont.I am learning to trust my life to God's hands. I am learning that it is ok to ask for help.I am learning the ways to be a better person, a selfless friend, and a confident woman. This Christmas my gift to you is a sincere "thank-you!"
I appreciate everything you've done, everything you do, & everything you will do.
I want to give you a giant "I love you!"
You are my hero, and I am proud to be your daughter. Merry Christmas, Mercedes

Now, what mamma would'nt want to brag about a letter like that?It's wonderful to feel so loved ,and to actually be told you're appreciated once in awhile.

Happy Christmas, God bless you, one & all!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Down Home Christmas

Just sitting here listening to the sickening repetitions of a zillion christmas songs on the radio. It's officially Christmas Eve and I sit here at work, while my family sleeps away at home.
Tomorrow promises to be a day full of Adventure!We will all be going over to my mom's for a sub ring, soup, and chips. Maybe we'll even watch a movie!And chat!. My son & i will stay over & have Christmas morning breakfast. Yup, i'm livin' large!
Merry Christmas Everyone..& remember your FunFactors:
1. Eat everything you can, calories do not count on Holidays.
2.wear the loudest , most obnoxious, and outdated Christmas sweatshirt you can find. Those pics will be such a source of good times for your future generations
3.take pictures of others eating. they will thank you later when you show them to prospective dates, employers , and clients.
4.If you are serving dinner at your home, this is the time to celebrate summertime with lots of fresh tropical fruits, punch,ice cream ,etc. be sure to use paper plates for authenticity.ask guest to wear bathing suits and grass skirts.
5.when gift wrapping use lots of layersof newspaper and duct tape.notify everyone of your desire to use only recycled items for gifts as well. Green is in.Tell everyone donations will be accepted on their way out.
Have a good one!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Questions & Answers

I feel better tonight.But i was a real bear when i woke up today .
I was still stewing in the juices of the past few days events.
The weird thing was, not only was i bitchy, my whole self seemed to be "off" somehow. I was hyper, not reacting or responding well to things and very uncoordinated physically.
I mean ,like, seriously clutzy.I couldnt even grasp handles well or keep a hold of things. I kept dropping stuff, losing my balance and i just didnt seem to even be hearing that well!Talk about senior moments!
I totally felt like i had either parkinsons or was going through a radical overnite menopause.
When i arrived at work, my clients mom confirmed what i thought. It is definitely hormone related.
Somehow, there are just days when our body makes or doesnt make the right amount of stuff it's supposed to, reguardless of whether we have an actual disease or not.
But it was when i went to Yoga that i knew i wasnt imagining things. I just couldnt seem to get into many of the usual poses and was not following directions well. Everything seemed backwards and i was out of sync.I kept trying to get it right, not only with my body but getting my head in the right place, to no avail.After class, i skulked out, dejected , bewildered and inadequate.

To me, this was all proof positive that whether we believe it or not, we cannot always escape from the things life throws at us. No matter how much we try to "transcend" or meditate them away. Even in the life -giving , spiritual practice of Yoga....even with a constant mantra to relax...even when i didnt realize what the problem actually body as well as my ego reacted to it.They both "knew" something was wrong , and wouldnt allow me to overcome it or block it out or blow it off.

i will say , however,that it was only during my practice that i was able to break down my "junk" into small blocks and work on each one that came up individually. For instance, i would say to myself" why did i (do or say)..." and "what was behind all that? what did i really mean or want out of it?"
And each time , with each answer i was prompted with a new question. With every new question and answer, i became increasingly more honest with myself.
Here's a real example. why did i react to my sister-in-law's email the way i did? this prompted "how did i react?"Answer: bitter, defensive, and angry. This prompted and answer for each reaction: I am bitter that she felt like she is a better parent than me.I am defensive because she attacked my personal space by telling me her version of how i should've handled the situation.I am angry because she was not supportive or empathetic.The next cascade down was:"what was the intent of her actions/words", and so on.
By the time i got back home, while i was still feeling beaten down, i at least knew why to some extent.
I am hoping to have answers to more of life's questions as i go along.Some are easy, some , not so easy. But i know that each answer will only lead to the next question. And i gotta wonder if thats any clue to the biggest question of all:What is the meaning of (our)Life?

Monday, December 22, 2008

Crash Test

So my son wrecks yet another car last night. Not just his car, his girlfriends car. One that his girlfriend told me he had her parents ok to drive. But she lied.
Picture the scene in your own home. Then add in the stepfather who's already not been happy with my son ( for many, various reasons).I am put in the middle .
I realize my son has made a very, very bad choice. This may be something that comes back on us in so many ways. And I myself am beyond livid with the situation.But my husband was able to state that he wouldnt even be able to "see" him that night without losing control. So i sent him off with a friend(thank you, friend) in order to protect him.
Of course, my night off...not to mention Christmas ,was ruined.My nerves were shot..and overall i am drained. When i first found out, i had no idea how to react, what to do, who to call. I knew my husband would be savage about it (& he was when i called him later to tell him).
So the one side of me is the mamma bear protecting her cub, and the other side is completely empathetic to my husbands anger.
The emotional outburst are over now. I had called my mom first, talked to the friend who took my son in, and then wrote a quick post to the sister -in-law on myspace. I needed to get it out. Unfortunately on that last score i just got her response today.She is just in no way a very nice person. i gave her a second chance to be a friend to me after an incident 2 years ago.Her cold and unsupportive response is why she will never be invited to read my blog.I have truly tried with this girl. I had forgiven her(whilst gritting my teeth)for the old incident and have tried to look past it all. I suppose it's my fault for even telling her. I knew better.Her whole statement was about as warm & fuzzy as a well-diggers ass which she tried to sugar coat with "i love you"s after the fact.
This was my crash test. And it was a crash, and burn.
On the other hand , my daughter asked to go to church with me this morning again. I am delighted with this. She also spent time tryimg to help her brother with his situation. Even knowing she would probably get disappointed in the end, at least she tried.
I know this hasnt been a very enlightening, or even upbeat post. But this is the real world. This is the stuff that happens to real people. And it's not always pretty, happy or shiney.
But , for me, it's always a learning process.
And "that which does not kill us makes us stronger"- Conan the Barbarian


Saturday, December 20, 2008

Still Sucking Face & taking up Space

These are my Lovely Kids in front of our Christmas trees

I have been spending oodles of time on Facebook at night, as well as myspace. Is this where the bad seed begins to germinate? I would swear to that since i spent about 3 hours chatting with an old freind on "face" & "space"...i can totally see how people get sucked in!But I do believe i'll grow out of it!

At any rate, it seems to at least be a place to reconnect with people and it's kinda fun changing the themes, backgrounds, etc and editing your profile. My problem(aside from the time consumption) is that it truly takes you deeper into your ego.

What i mean by this is that in order to spend so much time in these places, it's necessary to be focusing on yourself & your own needs- at least when it comes to putting up info about yourself & creating artful pages.I guess the same could be said of blogs. And those places kind of have their own blog space.

All of this space to just talk about yourself , especially in cyberspace, cant be good.And it sure is addictive.

Now- i know, i know.Some would point out that there are many blogs not focused on the author- like self-help stuff . This just turns the tables. Then the reader is focusing on the self!Anyone into Ashtanga Yoga philosophy can see where i'm going with this.

Maybe at some future date i'll be able to more precisely express these concerns in a better language for those who read this. But for now, let me just say....

I will be spending a bit of time in these places, in hopes of figuring out the reason behind the desire .

I will be attempting to understand my own rationale for having a blog and two cyberspace pages.

I will be going through some growth & change.


Hopefully ,when i am done with this personal research and analysis, i'll have something better to bring to the table .

P.S. In keeping with a frugal mindset, i've decided i will be buying Starbucks gift cards this season. They're cheap (5-10 bucks a pop) and almost everyone can use 'em...even if they dont drink coffee. Ha!


Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Purposeless Piercing

Today the high school nurse left a cute little message on our answering machine(not) - which my husband heard & i am sure to get the third degree about. Apparently my son decided to pierce his arm. Right on the deltoid no less, with a thick "barbell" type rod.I just dont understand the whole mentality of kids these days. Why would an otherwise healthy child risk a serious infection by trying to do something so stupid?Now, i have to remember to monitor this, as if i needed to add to my already complex life.
Later , my son calls me (10 minutes before curfew time) to tell me his car is seriously overheating & he may not be home on time. Mind you, i'm getting ready to leave for work in 5 minutes or so. So he pulls into the driveway at the last second and rushes in to look for a flashlight. He has the hood of the car up.
Let me just state here that my son is no mechanic, so what purpose he sees in looking there i cant guess.But i had to leave, with a statement to the effect of him having to deal with this on his own and how we cannot afford to bail him out this time.We're just tapped out. After all he's been running the thing into the ground- going to the mall, back & forth to school, work, running to friends houses, etc. We DID warn him .
I am still maintaining- in the eye of the storm.
FunFactor: move like a ballerina for a day, or even for an hour.It's quite fun and a bit challenging to attempt to be so graceful in all you do. If you're a dude- so much the more!
Tonight , as i was spinning in the world of fatiguing stress in which i lie, i decided some medicine was in order- so i popped in a cassette( you read that right- i still have about a hundred of them i refuse to part with) of my old favorites , the"Spin Doctors", I used to use these guys to ward off all kinds off mental illness, and quite a bit of depression!It was neat to hear them again.Medicinal Music, if you will.
Overall , I am still enchanted by the power of certain things i'd have scoffed at a few years ago. I thought at some point (back then) that i'd "gotten over" all that new age hooey and moved on to a more sensible me. But now & again , this past year, i have revisited the plain & simple things that once made me happy with excellent & unexpected results. I'm talking herbal teas, yoga, music, and a myriad of little amusements that cost nothing.
It still rings true that the best things in life are free, a philosophy I once lived by and had somehow forgotten.Guess i was lost in the Mists of Avalon......or

Is that where I am right now? I hope so. Namaste.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Money is'nt Everything

It snowed here today.Alot, and it was totally unexpected. I had checked weather last night & it stated "rain". So, imagine my suprise.
First, i rescheduled my tanning appointment. I hope tomorrow will be better weather. Then i sat around debating whether i should go to the gym. I decided against that also.
Eventually, as it got thicker, i started pondering the idea of calling off work. Not because of the snow, but the sleet and ice they are calling for in the A.M.
I decided to head out into it tonight, basically because my husband is still flipping out about how we're going to have "a rough road ahead" and we need to sell stuff and get rid of this & that expense.
He does this kind of thing...initially.I have confidence that this will die out. But only because i know, sadly, that i will have to step in and save the day. Yes, i will have to take back the bill-paying.
I say this because i know inside that i am more upset over my spouses emotional -tantrums-to come than i am about giving up stuff.
And the biggest problem is going to come for me when & if i have to start working 7 days a week. I mean, after all the time & energy i put into lecturing him on why we shouldnt just spend, spend , spend...after all the discipline i've shown over the years only to be egged on to get more stuff, this is what i get for succumbing to his whims in moments of weakness .
My only goal was to cut back to 5 days a week and now i feel like i've put in that extra time for nothing.I knew it was going to end up spiting me , somehow, someway.
But rather than allowing anger to rule, i will throw myself to the task again. I will give up my blonde highlights, my tanning packages, my vacations (all of these things were for him anyway).I will look into ways to get out of my cell phone contracts and cut down his cable bill. But i will not give up my internet.
There are many ways we can cut back if we even actually need to come the New Year.
But for now, i'll just sit back & keep on keepin' on.....Peace out.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Yoga Bliss

Pic-The Cookie Marathon(my daughter & I)-all packaged in gift bags, no less!
FunFactor:Pulling that just-done sweatshirt out of the dryer -all warm and soft and putting it on right away....sweet.

Tonight at Yoga i felt something new inside. It was a feeling of "inner independence".The class was less full than usual and i felt able to breathe, and a freedom not to look at my face in the mirror, but at my form and to close my eyes more ,relishing the goodness in my body. I felt healthier in the class than i had in weeks.

During Sun Salutation , my body stretched easily and fluidly, lengthening more than ever before . My breath was even and unfettered by the usual sinus problems. I was energized, and yet, relaxed.

This doesnt happen often to me. And it was no spiritual enlightenment. Just a new focus, and much appreciated in both body & mind.I walked out feeling...... different.

It didnt hurt that today's weather(in the 60's!)was so spring-like and unexpected. Nor did it hurt that i'd had the house all to myself most of the evening, efficiently getting many loose ends tied up. Over all my night had gone well.

When I left the gym , i got a message from my mom that she'd been in a bad accident. She was doing ok, and was at home. Just bruised. I was glad to hear that.

What got me was that ,once again, Yoga had the effect of keeping me calm in the storm.

This year has been a whirlwind of chaos and sadness and upheaval for me. But i've been able to weather it unusually well. Besides the credit i give to my faith, yoga has had more of an effect than i had anticipated. And it's been dramatically subtle.If there is such a thing.

I guess it's all it's cracked up to be, at least for some of us.

And , so, into the holiday season i coast. Renewed, refreshed, and awed.Namaste.

Monday, December 15, 2008

What's Really Important

My daughter & i spent the weekend making cookies, watching "Fred Clause", drinking a daquiri together, and went to church together .She even helped me clean. (although she complained that my son needs to do more around the house, too.I agree).
Now this is what i call quality time to gether. My son was even home Sat. night and he stayed there watching a movie with his girlfriend. The wekedn couldnt have been better in my eyes.
Until this morning when my husband came home from a double and left a curious note about "something bad at work". Turns out they're utting back. No more weekends , means no more overtime.
Financially , this is a disaster.
We just took my daughter in . And i'd never give that up. Plus, it's christmas. How could any business do this right now?
Knowing that my sinking feeling was actually related to having to deal with my husbands depression, i also realized i was relieved.
My prayers were finally being answered. I have been wanting less.Desiring to scale back on the things we have, and getting back to the soul of our marriage & family. Additionally , i had asked God to give me more time with my family and to get my husband back to church. God is amazing.If this all goes through, my husband will be home with me on weekends, not working doubles. And that also means he can attend church with me again.
No excuses.
I know this post might not appeal to some, in the sense of Christian values. But I must give credit where it is due. Hallelujah & amen.
All this brings me to the point of what's truly important. Not only at Christmas but all the time.
Family.That's right...FAMILY.
Not presents, or big ticket items , or having more money.All of that just means more problems.
I can do without the headaches, and least for a while, have my family back.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Meet the Parents

so, tonight i hosted the dinner for my daughter's new"friend"- they are certainly not serious yet.And to that i say- amen.
You know the type that comes out of the gate raring to go, then fizzles out quickly?
This one was a great greeter and had the "what a beautiful house " comments all lined up , but quickly proceeded to chat on his cell phone , once even taking it outside for about 10 minutes- leaving my daughter & i to wonder.We know it was a guy and a friend-so no emergency, or business call. That is what i call just plain rude.
And so he had a second wind when my husband came in to meet him, shaking his hand and repeating the above line....then fizzled again.
While we were playing Trivial Pursuit , the guy sat there sighing and looking around like he was bored and/or couldnt wait to leave! He had told my daughter he LOVED playing this game, otherwise we wouldnt have planned on it.The nerve.
Then on his way out he shook hands(i give hugs ,though) and didnt even thank us for the meal or evening!
I guess i'm just old-fashioned, but i felt totally disrespected. Of course i wont tell all this to my daughter unless she asks my oppinion. But i really hope she dates other guys.Unless i seriously misread him, i have to wonder- if this is how little respect he showed to us, how much will he show my daughter?
I know, maybe it's a mom thing. But I'm usually right. Example? tonight right after she left i told my husband i wish she would have dressed in something warmer (than a miniskirt , boots and a sleeveless top with a long sweater for a jacket). My husband says "why?"."in case she would break down-- it's below freezing out there".
Can you guess what the text i got @ 12:45 am said?
I am a prophet i tell you!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Another Day, Another Night

When it rains, it pours.
About a month or so ago our family was informed by my brother that he was going to have a twins with a girl exactly half his age .It was a pretty decent scandal.But low & behold , the devil has come out of her dungeon. Turns out she never was pregnant & has been stringing him along all these 3 months, including our family in the deal.Our mom's pretty upset.Not to mention my brother.hmph...i'll get you my pretty!!Just kiddin!
Tonight I am at a case i was switched to and the baby has been a tyrant all night long! Sleeping for 3-5 mins then awake for an hour. I am ready to go insane! He's not sick...just been sleeping all day. Yeah, when i got here he was asleep. So was mom, on the couch. Gee, cant imagine why some of these kids get their nights & days mixed up!
I havent been able to study at all. I spent 3 hours repositioning, venting(g-tube),suctioning, doing CPT,changing diapers, patting his butt, rocking name it. I know it's my job,but please!He's not sick. And i work night shift for a reason. When these parents have a few days without nursing & wanna sleep, they're going to be in for a rude awakening.
Man, i cant wait for my night off.
My daughter & I went grocery shopping in the pouring down rain tonight so we could fix a decent meal for dinner tomorrow. She is bringing home the guy she's been recently dating. Cant wait to meet him. Sounds sweet. Has a job.But he has no car. Hmmm...
Saturday afternoon her & i will be baking tons & tons of christmas cookies. This is the wonderful trade off for buying her food to feed the "guest "of honor.(tee-hee).Or should i say..
ha...hahahaaaa(evil laugh).

Mommy can be persuaaaasive.Namaste!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Jingle Fart

I have been reading "eat this, not that" ... a great book to tag along with you in the car, in case you actually HAVE to eat out at a chain restaurant. It also has a section for the grocery store. I like it. And i usually dont like diet type books because they're all the same. Of course, i may get bored with it, too.
I am having some major difficulties in my life right now. First....I am having a major farting problem.Do you know how it feels to have one rip loose in Yoga class without warning while doing down-dog?It was all i could do to not walk out in shame! so i did the next best thing and acted like i stubbed my toenail across my mat...

PPPHHHHTTT...(quick look around) "umm....oooww! that really hurt!"(while grabbing my big toe.)

Good thing I don't turn red when i blush!But if I least it's a dimly lit room.
So, I think they hardly noticed. Even if it was only 5 of us in the room.hmm...

Secondly, i am so sucked up into Facebook & Myspace since I signed on, it's taking me, like 2-3 hours to get to my real joy in life...this wonderful blog!

I do so love my blog!Celestial Stranger, you will uncover even deeper joys with time!

Third...after vowing to buy no gifts this year for christmas, i find that i may just do it anyway. There's just way too much fun to be lost with the shopping deficit! However, i promise to be frugal....and still make it priceless!

Today's FunFactor:pitching those unwanted dum dum's flavors with wild abandon! finally i am longer an anal retentive prisoner of the belief that i have to save everything.
Today's Everyday Adventure: Ummm...geeze, re-read the Yoga drama(above). Now, if that's not an adventure, i dont know what is!

Signing off......your flatulent friend

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Nursing Banter

Yeah! my coffee date friend just started his first blog! I am so proud of you!

Tonight i am at work as usual. It's pretty laid back ,considering . The family is VERY involved in the baby's care and almost to the point of being too overinvolved. I would never normally say this but i read a note to the nurses that read"Listen carefully to ----'s lung sounds. He can hold "junk" in the bases, and several times people have mistaken clear lung sounds for a lack of air movement". Hmmm......i wonder which "people" they are refering to.

But , so far i like the case. Twice i've had to cover shifts at the last moment.The family is nice, it's clean and theres a sofa to sit on, not a hard chair.So, i cant complain.

On another note, i am still trying to stay motivated to study for my clinicals. I met with a colleague over the weekend and we decided we need to practice together. That should help. I told her that between my A.D.D. and her O.C.D. we should compliment each other!
As I read through the five hundred and some page manual, i'm getting totally bugged and nervous, where as she says she was nervous before reading it, but now feels better. She was going to try to get a part time job like me to practice, but now says she doesnt think she will. On the other hand, i feel even more pressured to do so.well ,they say opposites attract.

So, for all you non-nurses, i'm sure this is pretty dull. So i guess i'll close....

Monday, December 8, 2008

How I've Failed This Year

With Christmas upon us & New Years right on it's tails, i came to think upon my resolutions a bit earlier than usual this time . I'm not sure what made me think about it, but as I did, i began to do some major self -loathing.
It may have come from disgust with myself over : lack of self-control with my diet. I really need to re-think my plan if i am going to succeed with any type of diet goal next year. My pattern seems to be "on "task 1-2 days, then off 2-3 days, each time feeling defeated. It's hard , even for us thinner types. Not just with losing weight or keeping it off, but with taming the sugarbug and making healthy choices. It has gotten much worse for me with age,too.
2.I spent way too much $ on vacations this year. Especially the two weeks in June. Although it was not so bad in November, we still could have economized a little better.I just didnt plan as well as i could have. Additionally, I've had way too much time away from home this year.Never thought I'd hear myself say"too much vacation".
3.I have spent too much time gossiping, and venting negativity, and making others feel bad, not better about themselves. I'm not sure if it makes me feel better about myself temporarily, or if it's just become such a habit I cant even stop myself or am unaware at the time. I just know looking back, sometimes as soon as i've done it, i feel terrible about it.
4. I have been unable to give up terribly expensive hair care. I did get low lights the last 2 times with intentions of going back to my original color, but I am having a hard time letting go of the "blonde"me.
5.I am still drinking bottled water and not even , nearly enough of it. I have only been getting less than a 1/2 a bottle a day on average and have actually been pretty dehydrated. I havent increased the coffee(still at avg. of 2-3 cups when I get up) but have added herbal teas.

Now, here's what went right this year:
1. I have used a lot less MaryKay products, saving about $30.00/month.Maybe even more. It was gradual.
2.I havent given over to driving much more since gas prices dropped. my one indulgence has been extra trips to the gym,since combining Yoga & weightlifting nights was actually doing more harm and taking away from my practice, But shouldnt they cancel each other out?
3.I did actually make money at a Yard sale this year. I have never done that before.
4.I finished all my nursing classes as planned!I am now waiting & studying for my clinical date! 21/2 years ago i would've never though i'd see this day, but i stuck with it!
5.I kept up with Yoga , Coffee dates w/ a friend, and have successfully kept Mr. Scale in the closet most of the time since I said I would. Plus, I am still only wearing my watch at work and very little outside of that---very little.

What I've enjoyed more:
  • talking to people
  • spending time with my mom & daughter
  • not adding a bunch of senseless ads to my blog
  • learning to cook new foods
  • listening to more music

When i started these lists tonight i went back to some old blogs to see how far I've come or not come. I wanted to see how far I've veered from my original intent, because i felt like i was a bit off.

I'm glad I did.

This will now be the foundation from which i will have to work come the new year. No lofty ideals, just some good, common sense based on research.

Ahhh...the purpose has come full circle. Amen.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Just a quick one

Todays's FunFactor: whip cream in my coffees & teas! a delightful change for the season! Also fun: decorating continues- we now have the outdoors lights done & all the indoor trees are lit! Beautiful! Our neighborhood is lit up..... & so sparkly!
Everyday Adventure: I've decided to make one day a week a Fun day- this will be a day where i don't have any "have to's". I get to bake, play games with the family, watch a movie snuggled up with hubby, or just for loafing. I'll be posting later on how this works out!
I am sooo anxious for SNOW! I love all that weather(from indoors- sucks to drive in) and it makes the holiday feel right. I truly hate the green Christmas's we usually have. I remember , though, not too long ago when we had a beautious White Christmas.
I have just gotten back to checking some other blogs & i gotta tell ya- nothing I can say right now can compete with these lovelies "Towards a Greener Ham" "the danger of virtually living" "HOW YOU CAN SAVE TIMMY'S LIFE" "Is hunting/fishing a Good way to Feed your Family?"

Quite inspiring and thought provoking. I am also considering again deleting some of my blog posts. After signing up for Facebook and Myspace pages a few days ago, i am reconsidering what I want to remain "out there".
I have a few "friends" in those places who might be very offended if they were to run across certain posts.
anyhoo, nothing more of note tonight...Buenos noche!(spelling?)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Disciplinary Diva

As a non-political minded person, this year had been a real bender for me. I am still in awe of the cult like obsession with our president.It's not that I dont like him. I am just scared for him. Anyway, i found this site purely accidentally (stumbled it) and was so thrilled and entranced by the views and oppinions here. Now this is the way politics should play...with equal comments on both sides and some in between...without rhetoric or sensationalism or advertisements. Hallelujah. Check it out. I was even so inclined as to comment myself.
Todays Funfactor:getting a Facebook page . And realizing again that in spite of it all everyday IS an adventure. With my kids, my husband and my very busy life. No one can tell me different. And if you arent married and dont have kids...well, so sorry'll have to find your own adventures, and they won't be nearly as wonderful.
Even when all is chaos, i am the eye of the storm.
Tonight, I got accused by a friend of taking my husbands side against my son. Let me explain that this week alone, we have found cigarettes in his car, he has broken curfew twice , and was late for his first training day on a new job(this inspite of the fact that he owes us hundreds of $ for car repairs). Then he got sarcastic and raised his voice to my husband who was in the process of trying to help him get his cable tv fixed. And the cherry on the top is the fact that he now has 2 "F"'s in school.
Now, overall my son is not a bad kid. He doesnt do drugs , drink, vandalize, skip school , steal, curse (in front of us),etc. He does hold a job, and is trying to get a better one.He really hasnt given us a lot of trouble in the past two years, except for laziness. But since his recent break up with a girlfriend of two 1/2 years...he's been teetering on the edge, and making some bad choices.
In order to reign in the chaos, we have to discipline. This is what keeps him from going further into a downward spiral.My husband just loses his cool at times. He yells, and gets overly dramatic..... and hence, i was accused of giving my husband "permission" to act /speak/ discipline the way he does.Not true. I really wish for someone to walk a mile in our shoes at times.
Oh, well, all is well anyhow at the moment. I just take one day at a time. And when the winds finally die down, i try to catch my breath....
And get ready for the next bout of bad weather.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Oh rejection!

Todays Funfactor:Spending some time showing my daughter exercises tonight and also steppin outside my box to ride the cardio train at the gym! Not done that in over 6 months!

After another painful (perceived) rejection, i decided to look up the ugly monster and here is what i found:
Wikipedia says:

1."The experience of being rejected is subjective for the recipeint and it can be perceived when it is not actually present."

2."...the majority of human anxieties appear to reflect concerns over social exclusion."

3."Our need for affiliation and social interaction appears to be particularly strong when we are under stress."

4."Suprisingly, people feel rejected even when they know they are only playing against (a) computer"

5.In one study , men disengaged more quickly and showed more face-saving techniques, such as pretending to be uninterested .VERY interesting.Women tend to seek approval more often.

6.There is a phenomenon called "falling upward" which means that people tend to desire someone higher than themselves in status or attractiveness, which increases the chances for rejection.(wow...pretty depressing to know someone is rejecting you because they think they are better than you!)

7. And finally, there is such a thing as "rejection sensitivity" - which is basically just being more sensitive to rejection than most.(me)

There were some other sites but not much worth quoting.Most of them were selling something. Go figure. Especially when it is pretty common knowledge that those who fee chronically rejected are especially gullible . But I guess it's the same way with those who are overweight or who feel unattarctive. Some people just leech off the insecurities of others.

I, for one,have been rejected on many, many, many occasions. But overall, after the sting subsides , I HAVE BECOME A LITTLE STRONGER INSIDE each time.

Just check out that smile in the pic!(with my brother on Thanksgiving).


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

CPNE studying!

This is my daughter with the cake we made together from scratch this weekend....delicious!

We also went to Yoga together tonight . I know I am sore & my daughter said she was, too. Thats what i get for slackin' off!

I've been studying my brains out tonight & watching demo videos online for my lab stations.I'm pretty amazed at all i am learning. I just hope i can get to my workshops and get a job in a place to practice much needed clinical skills. I will start looking in the paper tomorrow when my friend brings me the sunday paper.

At this point i'm looking for a place to practice IV's.I am fortunate this month to be able to practice IM injections....although I am sad for my patient to have to receive them!

This whole month in our household is tight for $. I'm a bit concerned about cash for the workshops , kits, and books i still need. But , in the spirit of wanting less, I have decided to check on some sites like ebay so i can get at least the kits & other resource materials at a discount.I priced a new diagnosis guide tonight & it was $40.00!!!

So , in light of this, i need to bid you adieu. The auction awaits!!

Monday, December 1, 2008

What are the REAL issues?

After perusing the web tonight, checking out a few blogs,looking at breaking news items, I am prompted to ask the following question:
"What are the issues?"
They seem to be:
  • The terrorist attack in India on two luxury hotels
  • The cheap gas prices
  • Black Friday sales

But...What are the REAL issues?

I believe the most important, life-affecting issues are getting lost:

  • The # of starving children in the world
  • Countries without areas to farm due to beef cattle grazing and;
  • Land raped for growing paper trees
  • Third world water shortages
  • AIDS , and the rise of Tuberculosis
  • How about the slow death of our oceans and the increase of all pollution?
  • And have we forgotten about Global Warming?
  • What is getting done about the continuing sex slave trade?

Going back in time? NO! These issues are still very much alive, why don't they make headlines until they are resolved?

Is'nt there a real issue with the need for the newest, most exciting news?