Thursday, November 6, 2008

Extreme Mental Makeover

Once upon a time I was in a very bad relationship. I was completely convinced the person had total control over everything I did, said, or felt.I would spend my days covering all my tracks so that I wouldnt screw up and bring some unfortunate event upon myself.
There was a point where i even used a copy machine & typewriter to alter a phone bill containing calls made to my mother and my best friend because my spouse was opposed to me having any contact with them (or with anyone besides himself, as a matter of fact). Talk about crazy.
I was brain-washed and living in disconnect from my very soul. I was in emotional limbo , just trying to get by.
Then , i chose freedom.
And one fine day, I left.
What it took to get to that day physically is a pretty mundane story, oft repeated in TV movie
themes, and fabled in the mainstream movie "Sleeping with the Enemy".
But what it took mentally is the real story.
Most of us go about our days with a certain mindset. We believe what we are as soon as we wake up (we're really sleeping, but we don't know it).If we are a housewife with 3 kids , this is our identity and we add little attachments to our lives to support this - such as soccer schedules, playdates, doctor & dental appointments,etc.By the end of the day we are what we started out as and we go to bed , numb to our deepest feelings and desires.
If we are a single , young person we do what that usually entails- maybe start a career, go out to the clubs on weekends, buy a new car. And at night , we go to bed, smug with our superficial little identities.
But .....what will that person ( whoever you claim to be in your mind most days) do when a real crisis occurs in your life?When you are forced to accept something your mind was unprepared for .
This is what it takes to have an extreme mental makeover.
If you are the housewife(as above) and one day you come home early from soccer practice to find your hubby of 15 years in bed with your best friend, that flash of blind rage, seeing red and your gut churning....these are just the symptoms of the illness that has plagued you all your life. You just didnt know it.
See, most of us can live everyday going through the motions, occasionally reading a self-help book, or taking a class to feel"real" and validated. We have no idea what we are truly capable of.The connection with our most fascinating self has been unexplored, ignored, or just too hard to get to. Like Antarctica, that doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
And it takes a searing wake up call ,a willingness to be constantly humbled and an melting ego with a boxers mentality to calim your prize.
  • Step 1:
Take all the stuff you currently have in your attic and/or basement and just look at it. What does it say about your past, present & future? Do you identify with it-is it your true identity? Or is it what you have allowed yourself to see yourself as?Get rid of it.
  • Step 2:
After you've gotten rid of all that junk ( not the really valuable stuff- keep the things that you never used, they are the key to changing your habits), start to enjoy the new found space you've created. What can you do with it? Who can you be?
  • Step 3:
After you've made those decisions, take a vacation. Yup. Dont look at any of it for at least a
week.Did you have trouble deciding where to go? While you're there speak to at least 10 people you'd never be caught dead associating with.
  • Step 4:
Once you're back home,seriously consider what your job contributes to your life besides an income.This may be the hardest step because only honesty here will help you get a clue. And most people are unable to complete this step.In all of its uncomfortable, non-materialistic enlightened truth.
  • Step 5:
Create drama in your life.How can you do this? ha! Following the steps above should have given you a great foundation.....From here you could: Quit your job. Move to an exotic location and befriend unusual people .Rent your home out and go sailing for a long,long time. Dye your hair the opposite color of your natural one and begin to create a new identity(it's important that you physically SEE yourself different in the mirror first).Add your own ingredients for a complete overhaul.

You should see results immediately after all steps are completed.
Then, you can blog about it.
P.S. This isnt for wussies, you need a backbone and 100% dedication to living in your new state of superior mental health.
Blessings!And Buona Fortuna.


Secrets said...

So now you are set up to follow your own advice. You have a short amount of time to clean out the old stuff and depart on your vacation. Those two steps are simple. But the most difficult will be the one to take when you return. Are you willing to quit your job and move to an exotic location?

But what about the makeover we all wish to do, but don't. What about the change we all want to produce in our lives and not be the person we support by our things and materialism? Does it always have to be an external thing that produces the change? How does one truly reach down and pull out the necessary parts to do it? Isn't that the true test of character?

Things a character should not define, and if so then its the intangibles that must be dealt with. Those things in our hearts that define who we are. Isn't the real challenge dealing with those?


nirvana diva said...

I'm sorry i didnt follow most of that. And , as i gave the example of myself to begin with in the first part of the post, i have already followed this advice--more than once.Both of the times i left an abusive relationship and also when i took a year off from being in any relationship to "re-invent" myself mentally. Sorry, maybe this was unclear.